Statistics on US divorce rates vary wildly, from under 35% to over 125%, depending on which source you look at and how annoyed you are with your spouse at the moment. But, no matter how you slice it, Baby Boomers are getting divorced at a higher rate than their parents’ generation. One source quotes the rate as three times as high. Some experts attribute our higher divorce rate to the much greater expectations and opportunities that we have than our parents ever did.
Parents of the oldest group of Boomers had to deal with pesky issues like the Depression and World War II, so maybe they weren’t focused on who was taking out the trash more times than the other. Another reason for divorce increase is that people are living longer. The Census Bureau reports that in 2008, one-fourth of new divorces took place in marriages of over 20 years. The same year, almost 51 percent of all divorced (but not remarried) people were Boomers. If you are miserable after 20 years of marriage, and your life expectancy is, say, 50, you are probably too busy checking your blood pressure than worrying about whether you are happy. But if your life expectancy is 85, you could get seriously depressed at the thought of spending the next 35 years with someone who spends all of his leisure time watching McHale’s Navy reruns.
The important point to all of this is if you are a Boomer and you are divorced and are considering remarrying, you’ll want to know what makes a second (or third, or whatever number) marriage successful (that is, aside from marrying someone who lives on the opposite coast and just sends you large checks each month). And the answer, you might not be surprised to know, is that the same factors that make a good first marriage, will make a good subsequent marriage. Try as we might, we just can’t get away from those boring issues like communication, commitment, and equality.
So, if you had an issue with any of those in your first marriage, know that they won’t go away in your second unless you are prepared to choose differently, behave differently, and/or experience differently. Otherwise, you might start competing with Linda Wolfe. She’s been married 23 times and is still looking for Mr. Right. Considering a relationship with Linda, any man in his right mind might choose to be Mr. Left, instead.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Debbie
February 14, 2011
You’ve got to feel sorry for poor Ms. Wolfe — but, looking on the bright side, at least she’s still optimistic, huh?!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Delusional.
writerwoman61
February 14, 2011
What’s wrong with McHale’s Navy? LOL.
Thanks for the link to success in 2nd marriages…good information to consider as I contemplate walking down the aisle for the second time!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Renée!
Hugs,
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
The McHale’s Navy reruns thing was a nod to NHD, who adores watching them. I just shake my head. Are you going to keep us all posted about your wedding plans? What fun blogs you can write! Happy VD to you, as well!
writerwoman61
February 14, 2011
We may just continue “living in sin,” Renée…currently having issues about me taking his name (and giving up the last name I’ve had more than half my life and have made my professional reputation with…AARGHH!).
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Is your name now the name you had when you were married? After my divorce, I went back to my maiden (I cringe to write that word) name and decided no more name change for me. Ever. So it wan’t an issue when I remarried.
writerwoman61
February 14, 2011
I kept my married name because I liked it better than my maiden name (and because I’d already established myself professionally with that name). Even though my ex and I haven’t been together for 13 years, Jim still thinks of it as my “ex-husband’s name.” Jim’s first wife refused to take his name, so I think that’s one of the reasons he’s insisting on it this time.
It will be fine…no one’s standing around with a shotgun!
36x37
February 14, 2011
23 marriages. I didn’t know that was possible. Is Linda Wolfe 562 years old?
Great point. I think marriage has changed in recent decades. I know it’s a complicated institution, but if we drill down and really look at the essence of marriage, if you can’t be together for love, then why be together?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
She’s 63. Amazing, huh. I think marriage has changed a lot, and expectations have changed even more. There was a ton of really interesting data out there when I searched, but this post was written for my Examiner column and they have a 400 word limit.
sunshineinlondon
February 14, 2011
Very interesting post, Renee. I’m interested in the correlation between life expectancies and rates of divorce – makes sense, I guess. My parents have been married for 57 years – isn’t that an unbelievable length of time?
Imagine being married 23 times … do you think she’s had 23 weddings, 23 bridesmaids, gifts, honeymoons, new names? The mind boggles, seriously. I love Mr Left! 🙂
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
57 years, wow. Give them major hugs from me. I’m in awe.
duke1959
February 14, 2011
What a thought provoking post. Something I have always found amusing are people who have been married multiple times and blame all the problems on the other people. Maybe they might need to look in the mirror before they get married again.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Between dating and running a speed dating company, you would be amazed at all the people who really and truly believe that they married jerks. They take zero responsibility for their failed relationship. So sad.
Kathryn McCullough
February 14, 2011
In the US state we still call “home,” Sara and I can’t even legally marry–so before I start thinking about divorce–I’d just like the right to marry in the first place! Thanks for making me think about this issue from another angle–great post, Renee.
And Happy Valentine’s Day from my blog to yours!
Hugs from Haiti,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
The failure of this country to legalize marriage for same-sex couples is an affront to who we say we are. By denying legal status, we undermine the very institution we say we support. And what an interesting segue to Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!
carldagostino
February 14, 2011
Sunshine, don’t mean to “one up” you but see my post 9/10/10. Yep. Parents will be married 66 years in September. Most of mine lasted 66 days. I think I would want to try again, but you see I am not interested in “sharing” anyone else’s baggage or have them be disturbed by mine. I guess we have to accept of ourselves and others that we are the sum products of our whole past.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Oh my. And to what do you attribute the slight discrepancy between the length of your parent’s union and your track record. And by “most of mine,” how many are we talking about. It’s none of my business, so you can oh-so-easily ignore the question.
Carl D'Agostino
February 14, 2011
I don’t mind. I’ve run for office twice and so I know what it is like to be crucified by a hostile press. Actually I was being hyperbolic in my self deprecation. I was married twice and lived with 3 women over the years. I have been alone and a bachelor for the last 27 years. My parents are both 87 . I am their sole caretaker. They have lived with me for the last nine years. Neither looks like they will depart soon and I have my affairs in order so they will inherit MY stuff without probate court and lawyers skimming from my modest estate.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Wow. The answers I get when I ask questions often give me more insight into a person than the actual question would indicate. Your bachelor status seems less a commitment to be alone than one you have to your parents. And I do know what you mean when you joke about getting your affairs in order. My mother’s half sister has no family other than me. She is 89 and is in great health (She was diagnosed with a serious form of cancer last year and it WENT AWAY.) I say that when I’m gone, my daughter will have to step in and take over.
carldagostino
February 14, 2011
Smile
Tori Nelson
February 14, 2011
Mr. Left! Haha! I am getting ready to voyage into the black hole of marriage. It doesn’t seem so daunting now, as we did everything out of order and have already tackled the Kid/House/Bills issue, but I go into it with a nagging worry in the back of my mind. It seems divorce is so prevalent these days that I need to fret about it before I even say “I do”.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
It’s sad that now how much young people think about that. All I remember was giddy out-of-body anticipation about taking the great leap off the cliff. My friends were like that also. Nobody ever thought it would be anything other than perfect. And that attitude certainly didn’t work so well for some of us.
Walker
February 14, 2011
I stayed in my first marriage for over 20 years. And, even if/when I do find Mr. Right, I”m not sure I’ll marry again?
I just canceled a date with guy who has already been married 3 times?!? Might have gone on second date if he hadn’t lied about his height, his age and sent me a picture that was less than 10 years old. And, he was rich!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
I think a lot of women coming out of long-term marriages feel the same way. The reason I remarried was that NHD was going to move into my house (basically into my life, because I have kids and a career and he doesn’t and is retired). He felt that without being married, he had no legitamacy–he was like a guest in my life. I had to agree.
Swanlady
February 14, 2011
Communication is key to be sure and telling the truth to ourselves and our partners is the most important thing in any relationship. I know some boomers who take the ’til death do us part’ very seriously and simply put up with things that the ‘if it’s broken throw it away generation’ is unwilling to.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
So much about the longetivity of relationship comes down to someone’s commitment to have it continue. I think that’s actually more important than the mechanics of the relationship.
saladbardating
February 18, 2011
I loved this post and I agree with your comment here. Well said.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 18, 2011
Thanks for reading. I started to look at your blog. Love the title. I spent years as a single after my divorce and went through personal ads in the paper (pre-online dating), then online dating. I even ran a speeddating company for 3.5 years with a friend. I have stories…. I also did a series of posts on my friend’s tragic/hilarious experiences with men. I met my Now Husband Dan on match.com.
duke1959
February 14, 2011
That was an interesting way to get there. On the issue of same sex marriage. I am really torn on the issue. I do believe that especially when it comes to medical information there partner has a rigt to know. Part of the problem is HIPPA was so poorly written that it does put medical profesionals in a bind. I know when my wife was still an RN working on the floor what headaches she had with childern of married couples. They thought they had a right to know everything. Under HIPPA they don’t. HIPPA was one of the reasons she took her over 25 years of working on a floor and left bedside nursing. In the end the patients lost her years of experience.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
Interesting about HIPPA. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never really thought about it. I just sign the forms and go in to see the doctor. Now I have to find out about HIPPA!
duke1959
February 14, 2011
I didn’t mean more work for you. Like any of these types of issues you get extremes on both sides yelling at each other while everyone else is in the middle somewhere. Under HIPPA any of my wife’e medical conditions can only be shared with me. That will set off my step-daughter to know end.
Katybeth
February 14, 2011
I know its only been a 1 1/2 but since my dearly beloved, departed but I can’t imagine ever doing it again. Just do much darn work. It took me 10 years to teach him to put the plastic bags in the plastic bag holder, or to load the dishwasher by color–I have Fiestaware and if you load the dishes with alternating colors its easier to unload. He always put the pattern up on the top sheep when we made the bed and…..I’m teasing sort of. . .
I found my soul mate and there was not easy about it; if I ever do it again (very doubtful) I’m going for a widower who knows just how unimportant most of the stuff we worry and fight about in relationships really is. . ,the reason some of our parents marriages stuck is they just never considered an option and stuck it out (and opinion and observation from watching my parents who have been married 50 years.)
Happy Valentines Day!
♥
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
So many women feel the same way about not being so eager to jump into marriage again. And yes, I do think divorce wasn’t an option for most people of our parents’ generation, no matter how bad things were. Part of that is that people were more isolated with their unhappiness. Now we are bombarded with books, articles, website, TV, etc that bring everything out into the open and have people question their relationships and be able to share with others. Happy V Day to you as well!
livelaughloveliquor
February 14, 2011
McHale’s Nacy, LoL! Sounds like my husband….my 2nd husband that is!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 14, 2011
It’s MY second husband. What is it about McHale’s Navy?
livelaughloveliquor
February 14, 2011
oops, i menat navy…doh!
livelaughloveliquor
February 14, 2011
i MEANT navy…dang kids hanging on me while i type!
TexasTrailerParkTrash
February 15, 2011
This is the second go-round for both of us. So far, thirty-four years of wedded blister…er…bliss! Just kidding. We share the same values and he enjoys being with the grandkids as much as possible, like I do. Plus, he went from disliking cats to being ga-ga over them. What’s not to love?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 15, 2011
I think that last part says it all.
Allison
February 20, 2011
I couldn’t get my maiden name back fast enough when I divorced. And I have no idea who Linda Wolfe is, but it doesn’t sound like I’m missing out.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 20, 2011
I don’t know about you, but it was a HUGE pain in the butt to get my maiden name back on all the mountains of stuff. It seemed never-ending. Then, many months later, when I thought every single thing had been changed, I arrrived at the airport for an international flight, and lo and behold, my passport was still in my married name so it didn’t match the name on my ticket. That little oversight cost me $50. That’s when I said, “Never again.”