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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »observation«
How to Ride A Bike For 97 Years
June 6, 2011
Octavio Orduno is a 103 year old cyclist. He doesn’t compete in races. He merely rides his bike all day. He does so without his glasses, because he doesn’t like to wear them. His wife, exasperated by her failure to convince him to wear glasses, was at least able to convince him to switch recently to […]
Bring Me the Head of the Pope
May 26, 2011
Some years back, Now Husband Dan acquired, in a very interesting and not-for-public consumption way, a much-larger-than life-size exact replica of the head of Pope John Paul II. The sculptor was a friend of his. We are neither Catholic nor Big Head collectors. For this reason,the larger-than-life-size likeness of a deceased pope’s head didn’t fit […]
Not the Oscars, But Sort of Better
May 25, 2011
This morning, after waking up, looking in the mirror and seeing two completely different people represented on my head, I began to muse on the medicinal uses of Spanx. It was then that my intellectual reverie was interrupted by being alerted that I had received a “Versatile Blogger Award” from Coming East. As the recipient, I must tell you […]
I’ll Have A Cut, Color, and Formaldehyde, Please
May 23, 2011
I have curly hair. No, wait. I have CURLY HAIR. Like in “You can be a really good person and deserve good things in life, but I am Your Hair and I will screw you everyday of your life by being completely out of control and no matter what you do I will make you […]
Communal Dressing Rooms: Where Dreams Go to Die
May 20, 2011
I’m just as evolved as the average woman. I’m smart, I’m funny, and I can sing “See You in September” backward. I paint, I write, I can still recite the entire introduction to the old TV show “Superman.” I’d say I have a pretty good self-image, except for two areas of life: finding myself at […]
The Person Whisperer
May 7, 2011
I’ve been sick for the past few days. My vocalizations have become quite unique. If Donald Trump’s hair could talk, this is the voice it would have. I do a lot of whispering, so as to protect pregnant women and small children. Here’s what I discovered: Whisper, and the world whispers with you. Reveal […]
Foreign Accent Syndrome
May 5, 2011
I have just been informed of something out there that is waiting to strike me down. Along with global warming, snakehead fish, killer bees, the IRS, and Donald Trump, I now fear FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME. According to the Today Show, Karen Butler, a woman from Oregon (Oregon, for god’s sake) went in for routine oral surgery […]
How to Live Forever
May 4, 2011
Newsweek has an article called “How to Live Forever.” In spite of that intriguing title, the article isn’t about living with your children or in the nursing home until the universe is finished being the universe and moves on to being something else. If everyone really could live forever, it would bring up other issues. Like […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
If the shoe fits, you’re doing something wrong.
June 7, 2011
37
Thanks to my friend Barbara, I have been alerted to Kobi Levi’s “shoe creatures.” Kobi is an Israeli shoe designer who makes shoes for people like Lady Gaga. If you are an astute reader, the previous sentence should have you asking, “Renee, what’s with the ‘like Lady Gaga’ part? No one is like Lady Gaga. […]