Falling for the Midterms

Posted on November 10, 2022


In the weeks leading up to the mid-terms, Life in the Boomer Lane’s in box came perilously close to exceeding 100 political emails per day. Candidates, under a variety circumstances (running behind in the polls and in cash/running well in the polls and in cash/having had their personal credit cards declined) all indicated that LBL’s donations were all that stood between the survival or demise of American democracy. Things got so bad that, during the week before Halloween, LBL declared that if the solicitations didn’t stop, she would fling herself from the top of a stairway and risk breaking her neck.

Her words turned out to be quite prophetic. In Seattle the following week, to celebrate Halloween with Eldest Son and his family, LBL was felled by a row of large, grinning pumpkins, set at the edge of her son’s front porch. In an attempt to avoid said holiday glee, she placed her foot at the edge of the porch and rotated her body away from the pumpkins, thereby executing a perfect spiral (Olympic-grade) onto the ground below. She hit her head and broke her neck (at C2, for those who are sticklers for facts).

She stayed fully conscious as she awaited the ambulance and then headed to a large, well-known large trauma hospital, conveniently located eight minutes away. It was a good thing that she remained fully conscious. At the ER, she was immediately surrounded by a group of doctors and nurses. The main activity seemed to be an attempt to cut LBL’s clothing off. This didn’t surprise her, as virtually every medical show she ever watched involved cutting people’s clothing off, even if they sustained merely a broken toe When told that her tee shirt ( showcasing a really cute illustration of a cat watching a line of ants go by) and bra (Evelyn and Bobbie, no wires and great lift) would be cut off, she declined in the strongest way possible, to the point of offering to jump off the table and do it herself. “No cutting,” she said. “Non-negotiable.” The team managed to get the top and bra off, without eithers scissors or scalpel.

Fast-forward to Halloween Day, the day after the surgery, LBL returned to her son’s house in Seattle. By the time of her return, the pumpkins had vanished, replaced with a line of small, non-threatening solar lights.

Throughout the next few days, the various candidates continued to flood LBL’s in box. But LBL neither checked her email, nor watched the news. Like aging and whatever scary things that are always going on in LBL’s refrigerator crisper, the political process continued relentlessly on, with no awareness on her part. Five days after surgery, LBL and Now Husband flew back to DC on Saturday.

LBL is doing remarkably well (Thanks for asking). She is pain-free and totally mobile. Her only issues are an inability to sleep and fairly dirty hair. Her diminished ability to sleep meant that she was thus able to watch the returns throughout the night, noting all the wins and losses of all the candidates whose campaigns she didn’t contribute to. She is now up to the minute on everything. The big message, there, was that there was no Giant Red Wave, nor even a large swell. Most Big Lie Spewers did not win their elections. Progressives did quite well. She doesn’t know if democracy beat the Forces of Evil, as the talking heads are saying. But she does feel that Democracy will live to see another day. She also noted, that, even as the general Big Picture of American politics continues to skew right, it’s clear that its citizens continue to evolve left. The majority of folks accept the neutral reality of gayness, an awareness that blacks can (and should) be national leaders, and the belief that a woman has the right to determine her own medical and health decisions.

Two days after the election, some GOP rodent politicians are cautiously lifting one leg over the rail of the Trump Pirate Ship, ready to slink either one way or another at a moment’s notice. It’s anybody’s guess on which side their urine will land. Ron DeSantis is being touted as the Next Big Thing in a challenge to Trump. And the votes continue to be counted.

LBL, merely a private citizen of no significance whatsoever, watches it all from her head nestled firmly in a neck brace. She has no prognostications about how things will eventually pan out. She only knows that we are still too close to all this to do anything more than guess. The only thing she is absolutely sure of is that 10/28/22, for several reasons, was the luckiest day of her life. She can only speak for herself, as the pumpkins are no longer available for comment.