When we are very young, we want to be older. We want to run with the big boys. When we are teens, we want to look older, as well. We see the world of adulthood as intoxicating in its freedom of choice. Yet, when we actually do become adults and can appreciate the responsibility that comes with adulthood, we being to fear the inexorable aging process. Looking older is no longer a goal. As the decades pass, the prospect takes on avoidance and fear.
I was one of those people, until shortly before age 50, I lost one of my closest friends to breast cancer. When Miki died, my notion of age shifted from one of burden to one of joy. Each year, each moment, became a gift. Each of my birthdays was a birthday Miki would not have. I decided to celebrate all of my future birthdays for both of us.
At that moment came the commitment to own my age, whatever that age might be. I would embrace aging, rather then flee it. It was up to me to create whatever meaning my age had. It would be my way to honor Miki.
I stopped thanking people who told be how young I looked. I stopped wanting to be an imitation of someone else’s age. Instead, I simply borrow Gloria Steinem’s famous line and say “This is what (insert age) looks like.”
If I stop trying to look like someone else’s age, I can make my age, whatever that may be, fabulous. I can set new standards for whatever age I am. I can raise the bar as I raise the numbers. I can change the world as well as my hair color.
I choose to present to the world the power and sex appeal of whatever age I am. My age, whatever that age is, doesn’t look like anything other than who and what I am and the unlimited potential I have. Right now. At this moment. That’s the true definition of being ageless. I, alone, create the meaning of my age.
*****
If you would like to contribute your own voice to the Guerrilla Aging community, send your post to lifeintheboomerlane@gmail.com.
btg5885
July 4, 2014
Renee, very well said. You are like a fine wine that improves with age. Be so fine the fine folks call you fine. Happy 4th from these 55 year old bones, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Thanks, BTG. Can I be a Riesling?
btg5885
July 5, 2014
Absolutely. Drink to your health.
ninamishkin
July 4, 2014
Dear LBL. You don’t have to be a guerrilla. Or proselytize for the glories of being older. You just have to go on living and being whatever you are. It’s also okay to thank people if they think you look great. They’re really talking more about the inside of you than the outside of you. And it really is a compliment, because it means they hope they’ll be like you when they’ve lived long enough. I’m aiming for at least 102 myself. (After that I may run out of money.) This plan gives me nineteen more years and I expect to make the most of them. After that, we’ll see…. 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Thanks for weighing in, Nina. I am always complemented by people telling me that I look great. But when they tell me I look “younger than my age,” I take a stand. I own my age, and I strive to be the best example of that age that I can. I don’t tout the glories of being older. Aging sucks in many ways. What I do tout is the glory of being alive, at whatever age that might be. Each day is a gift, plain and simple. As for 102, I hope you get your wish. The mother of a good friend of mine called a family gathering this year, on the occasion of her 90th birthday. She was in crisis because her life plan only allowed her to live to 85 and here she was, already five years beyond that. Everyone helped her reassess her life plan.
katecrimmins
July 4, 2014
I have outlived a few of my friends and I’m only in my mid-60s. Isn’t our current life span 80 or something like that? Death is ruthless and forgets to check the birth certificate. You are right about embracing each day. As my husband always says any day you wake up is a good day. Having said all that I am not giving up my hair color! At least not as long as I can see clearly.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
I can relate to this. Each time I lose a friend my age, I become even more committed to living each day in full. And coloring my hair is part of the grand plan. 😉
praw27
July 4, 2014
I love it! Every day is an accomplishment and needs to be celebrated in its own right! I am so tired of all the “you need to look/be/feel young again” ads that “criminalize” our age. Just be who you are and be proud that you are able to be! Great post!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Thanks. I love your line about ads criminalizing our age. So true.
kmcmenamin
July 4, 2014
Love this, Renee!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 6, 2014
Thanks, Kris! xxoo
BABYBOOMER johanna van zanten
July 4, 2014
Yesss! You took the words out of my mouth. excellent piece.
Johanna
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Thanks, Johanna.
wendykarasin
July 4, 2014
Love the Gloria Steinem reminder “This is what (insert the age) looks like.” If we can stay with ourselves as we are (instead of where we were or where we may be in the future) we can remember to make the most of the now!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Yes, yes, yes. And yes.
wordsfromanneli
July 4, 2014
I no longer bemoan yet another birthday. I’m thankful for it. I mean, look at the alternative. I’d rather have a birthday than not.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
I love each birthday. I’m always amused at the people who don’t If they ihnore their birthdays, does that make them go away?
wordsfromanneli
July 5, 2014
It’s the ostrich syndrome. And if we really didn’t have any more birthdays it means we’re in the next world. I’d rather stay on this side of the grass.
JackieP
July 4, 2014
I used to tell people I wasn’t ashamed of how old I was. But in many ways I was. Not anymore. This is what 58 looks like. I’m lucky I made it this far as I never thought I would see past 30. So yeah, I’m pretty proud of how far I’ve gotten, and I’m going as far as I can.
Thanks for the excellent post!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
And bravo to you, Jackie, for owning your age and not being ashamed of who you are. It’s a hell of a lot more fun that way, anyway.
aft8
July 4, 2014
I love your take on aging. Now all I need to do is learn to live that way too.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
The minutes pass by just as quickly, whether we dislike them or embrace them.
Teddy
July 4, 2014
Agreed. I don’t thank people who tell me I don’t look my age…I earned this age and I claim it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 5, 2014
Yes!
Sunshinebright
July 5, 2014
Right on, sister! You’ve got it right. I used to have people tell me that I look so young; in fact, just recently and many years ago as well, people said we looked like sisters! Imagine. I couldn’t see it, of course. But years ago, it made me feel good. Now, it makes me think that person is full of crap! Whatever. I have finally decided (maybe late in life) that I am who I am, and the rest be damned. That’s all I have to say about that – except, thanks for this post. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 6, 2014
You are welcome. This is a conversation that we all should be having, over and over. It’s so important.
Eileen Adickes
July 5, 2014
Great post but I have gone to a different path to “own” my age and I gave up the hair color. It’s one less “thing” to have to schedule when I’d rather read a book, weed my garden or play with my grand girls. I’ve been complimented on the salt and pepper hair and it feels softer. I lost a good friend to a car accident a few years ago so I celebrate my life in a way that I know he would approve and enjoy.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 6, 2014
Thanks for those comments, Eileen. The choices are endless and we can all take different paths to express ourselves at this age. I think that’s one of the joys of being older.
Kay Lynn
July 6, 2014
One of my co-workers always give me grief for owning my age. He’s a couple of years older than me but always says he’s “39” every birthday. I’m proud to be who I am at 55.
benzeknees
August 22, 2014
I was forced to start looking my own age when I moved to a small town in the bush & could no longer wear makeup due to an eye allergy to the tiny amount of sand in the drinking water. At first I was embarrassed, then as I got used to the whole Idea I began to embrace it. After all, it was giving me back precious minutes of my everyday life previously spend making up my face to portray a certain image. This was a somewhat difficult comfort level to reach for someone who had always been told I was beautiful, looked at least 10 years younger than my real age & was a former model. But now I embrace it fully & my make up dries out long before it ever gets used!