
Life in the Boomer Lane pulled out of a parking lot last week, onto a street at a busy intersection. She was unable to totally straighten her car as she entered the street, so it was at a slight angle. An ambulace came down the street in the opposite direction, and suddenly, a car appeared in the lane next to LBL. The car was plastered with a happy illustration of a puppy and the words above the illustration proclaimed in cheerful aliteration something about dog care (Puppy Palace? Happy Hounds? Doggie Detailing?).
LBL moved forward about one or two inches, attempting to straighten her car before the light turned green. The Carefree Canines window rolled down. From the other car’s driver’s seat, LBL became vaguely aware that somebody was screaming in her direction, at a decibel level that was truly impressive.
After an introductory identificattion of LBL, loosely translated as “You fornicating part of the body located in the buttocks region woman of ill repute…” the driver continuted, “I was moving over because of the ambulance and you, you fornicating female dog keep trying to bump my car…”
Loyal Readers may now imagine a steady screeching stream of abusive language travelling from the Marvelous Mutt’s car into LBL’s car, as the two cars waited for the light to change. The driver punctuated her tirade by giving LBL the finger. LBL, always the soul of reason during any kind of confrontation, simply stared back, admiring the large Fido cartoon on the side of the car. Her only thought was that this young woman must have been having a really bad day. A delinquent daschund? A recalcitrant rottweiler? A lazy lab? The possibilities were endless.
The driver of Waggy Washings then screwed up her face and gave LBL the finger. The light turned green, and, with one last irate expression, she started to step on the gas. But just before she attempted to shoot through the intersection, she hurled one final epithet at LBL, the one that would stay with LBL long after the rest of her words would become a (sort of) dim memory:
AARP!!!!!
(Loyal Readers may now imagine that word in really large font, and the letters maybe wiggling or jumping up and down or something.)
LBL had been marked. She was no longer merely a feces-consuming, unattractive, female dog. She was now an OLD feces-consuming, unattractive, female dog.
This was LBL’s second experience with age used as a perjoritive. Her first was a response to a blog she posted some years ago about Kanye West. She and the commenter had a civilized, productive off-blog exchange after that, and the young woman apologized.
LBL hopes that she will not experience more of this kind of thing in the years to come. She will, instead, content herself with being grateful that “AARP!” came at the end of the young woman’s tirade, in the form of a punctuation mark, rather than at the beginning. She had obviously exhausted her ready supply of primary curse words, and AARP was merely a fallback. So LBL chooses to believe.
grannyK
May 13, 2019
wow, that was a lot of misdirected anger, I say. Although, I have noticed so many people get completely bent out of shape for little things. And, yes, for the most part young people think it’s okay to use age as a cuss word. Maybe they fear the day they age? I don’t know.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
I do believe young people are living in a world that is far more stressful than the one in which we grew up. And popular media has made all kinds of language OK. Our esteemed president now uses language in public that no other president has. OK, I’m finished. Do I sound like an AARP poster child?
Kate Crimmins
May 13, 2019
I encountered something similar without the dog affiliation (which would have softened it in my head). I wasn’t exactly sure what I had done but the driver drove up next to me in a drive through line and thoroughly trashed me. I didn’t understand most of what she was saying but the hands were flying and the mouth moving at a pace that rivaled Nascar races. All I kept thinking was does she look like she’s packing heat. Fortunately tirade over, she left me to order my mocha latte in peace. People are freaking nuts. Why does getting somewhere 3.6 seconds later matter?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Ugh. All part of the genral unravelling of society. Norms are no longer normal. Anything goes. And stress levels are through the roof, about lots of things. I’m listening to myself now, and thinking that this is the same thing every single older generation has said throughout time.
Keith
May 13, 2019
Renee, bless the driver’s heart. My guess is the driver will chew on this bone the rest of the day. You can move on and enjoy your day and week. My guess is the driver’s friends roll their eyes when yet another episode of venting occurs.
So, have a great week. Think cool thoughts. Keith
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
You might be absolutely right, Keith. None of us knows what another person is dealing with in life and what someone’s emotional resiliency is. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
Peter's pondering
May 13, 2019
I find that a smile really upsets such people but does wonders for me!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Many years ago, when my youngest was in pre-school, a man who was parked next to me in a supermarket lot accused him of banging into his car door when he opened the door. My son was very young and I had taught all my kids to be very careful when opening car doors. My son was. He tapped the other door very slightly. The driver screamed at me and I simply smiled back, sending him into an even greater rage. I then took my son’s hand and went into the supermarket, ignoring the lttle voice in my head that said, “Leave and go to a different supermarket.” Sure enough, when I cam back, my brand new car had been keyed from front to back.
Peter's pondering
May 14, 2019
I would have been tempted to find a reliable witch to put a curse on him. Not that I am one to hold a grudge you understand!
Donna Cameron
May 13, 2019
Given the vehicle, are you sure it wasn’t “Arf!”?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Haha!
Andrew Reynolds
May 13, 2019
well, given that the lady washes dogs for a living, you’d think she’d have a larger vocabulary of swear words.
and I swear at AAPR all the time – how can one group send out so much junk mail? I didn’t know it could be used as a swear word. Well, it is four letters …
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Funny line, Andrew. And agreed. AARP is HORRIBLE about sending out so much junk mail. I yell (in the privacy of my home, using all the swear words I can muster) everytime something arrives from them.
Taswegian1957
May 13, 2019
I have to admit you lost me with that one, I had to look it up. I’ve not heard of any Australians using a similar acronym as a swear word. I think they prefer the older, more colourful expressions with “old” tacked on.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Ah, you Austrailians. We can learn so much from you.
judithhb
May 14, 2019
Never having heard of AARP I had to look it up. I’m delighted that you have such an association for aged folk. Where do I go to join?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 14, 2019
Wow, little did I know that I’d be introducing readers to AARP. In many ways, it’s a great organization. And, as the years go by, they have incorporated younger people into the group, which has given it a fresher, more contemporary look. I’m sure they’d welcome your money no matter where you live. I suspect they are quite good at generating an income stream for themselves.
Widdershins
May 14, 2019
That epithet would’ve been lost on me. No idea what it means … but after some google-fu, I am now enlightened. 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 18, 2019
I’m so happy to be spreading the word about AARP.
Ilona Elliott
May 16, 2019
Remember the Girls Behaving Badly videos? We could definitely compile an Americans Acting Angrily video. Maybe if people saw themselves from that point of view they would realize what a-holes they are. Or not. It might actually encourage them to act out to get their fifteen seconds of fame. UGH! What can you expect from a country that installs an aging reality TV show bully ignoramus in the White House?
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 18, 2019
Let us please not forget that he was also a wrestling promoter. The man has a neverending supply of raw talent.
kaylynna
May 17, 2019
If she was an employee (not the business owner), I would think the business would want to know about the behavior of their employee while driving a company vehicle.
I do admit to cussing at drivers sometimes, but it’s under my breathe with the window closed (and definitely not age-related).
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 19, 2019
I tracked down the company and called. I told the person I spoke to that I didn’t want the person to lose their job. But I thought someone should talk to her about correct behavior when one is representing a company when one is out in public. Hopefully, that had an impact.