Can’t We All Just Agree to Agree?

Posted on May 6, 2019


All red-blooded, God-fearing Americans should be greatly relieved that Donald Trump, President of the United States, and Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, talked for an hour last week and Trump was able to see Putin smiling through a landline.  This is confirmtion that Trump is the most powerful person on the planet and has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. It is also yet one more exmple of his treating  the truth as though it were taffy, stretching it into idiotic shapes and and then promptly gulping it down. Only we are the ones who get the stomache ache afterward.

Aside from Trump’s superhuman powers, Trump and Putin agreed that there was no collusion between their countries prior to the 2016 election.  Done. Finito. Now we can all turn our attention toward more pressing matters, instead of relentlessly harping on this one, over and over and over.  We can use our new free time to figure out all the bad stuff Hilary did that we don’t even know about, and if the Iron Throne will have to become a two-seater.

Life in the Boomer Lane has done some research of her own and has discovered that there are other bothersome (and fake) beliefs that can now finally be put to rest, due to an agreement between the principle parties involved:

US billionaires have agreed that they have always paid their fair share of taxes.  So, all you poor slobs out there: Pay your taxes and be grateful these folks have left you enough money so that you even owe any taxes at all.

Banks and Wall Street have agreed that they had nothing to do with the 2008 financial crisis. The crisis was caused by greedy people who thought they deserved houses even though they knew they were unqualified.  Stay in your apartments, people, and just be happy you have a window.

The Kardashians and their Plastic Surgeons have all agreed that no cosmetic surgery was done on any of them ever, at any time, oh no.  Kim’s butt was given to her as a gift to her to delight the world, even though LBL could certainly have used even a tiny bit of it. But life, like death and Words With Friends, can be really unfair.

Elvis and a bunch of fans  have agreed that he really is alive, even though he spoke to LBL from the grave, which is absolutely true but is the stuff of another blog post entirely.

All administrations ever have agreed that they did nothing to screw over the Indians. The Indians provoked them by settling in areas that were rich in natural resources, even though they didn’t appreciate the resources and just whiled away their time doing foolish and inexplicable things like beating on drums, instead of productive things like inventing Target.

Coffee Haagen Dazs and clocolate spoke and agreed that LBL does not gain weight from their consumption. Weight gain is the result of eating healthy food in small portions and acting like you are really full and really satisfied with that.

The top 1% of the country have agreed that they are really not worth as much as the bottom 90%.

Trump and his doctor have agreed that he (Trump) is young and fit and the most remarkable specimen of manhood that has ever been created and he should be naked on the cover of Sports Illustrated, surrounded by a bunch of naked adoring young women, instead of that woman who is fully clothed and wearing hijab and being an abomination to all women and to the US of A. Just ask anyone.