Travels Without Anthony Bourdain

Some loyal readers may not have noticed that Life in the Boomer Lane has not been posting as of late. Others may have noticed but have simply used this time to get caught up on honing their Candy Crush strategies. Others may have used the time to figure out just where Melania is.  No matter which extracurriculars you have been engaged in, LBL is here to tell you that your fun times are over. She is back, and you are screwed.

LBL imagines that at least one reader is wondering where the hell LBL has been. To that reader, LBL says she is glad you asked that question. She would personally love to tell you where she has been, but she has often been clueless. The world is a somewhat large place, and LBL is a somewhat small person. At times, this poses some degree of difficulty.

The easy answer is that for the past several weeks, LBL and three close friends have been in Turkey, Bahrain, and Dubai. Needless to say, they had many adventures along the way. Some of these adventures have even been suitable for publication.  LBL intends to wring as much humor from all of these in order to entertain and amuse her readers.

To that end, she will devote the next couple weeks to detailing such adventures. Those who are expecting a travelogue will need to go elsewhere. LBL will not inundate you with photos, hotel and restaurant reviews or cultural background of any kind. Instead, you may think of this as four boomer women (three of whom are unusually short) visiting various exotic countries and cities, mostly without the aid of actual tour guides or a complete understanding of what effect Ramadan would have on their visits to Muslim countries. (Note to Readers: If you are unfamiliar with the word Ramadan, shame on you. You may Google it or you simply may ask one of the 1.8 billion Muslims who inhabit the planet. They will fill you in).

Here, then, is a preview of the posts that LBL will publish in order to amuse you in the coming weeks:

1. LBL’s mishaps, as she continues to navigate her way through life in general and travel specifically
2. the difference between how women travel and how men travel
3. how travel can be like life in a Seinfeld episode
4. how Ramadan can be like a Jewish wedding on steroids
5. why you have never heard of Bahrain and why LBL suspects that some Bahrainis have never heard of it either
6. why LBL believes that Dubai is a modern-day version of Walt Disney’s Fantasyland
7. why TSA agents are the true proof that all humans around the globe are genetically the same
8. why technology around the world has enabled LBL to reach new levels of confusion
9. how to successfully navigate a humongous Turkish outdoor market and try clothing on without the aid of dressing rooms or being able to communicate with vendors
10. an hour-by-hour retelling of a 16 hour plane ride and why Anthony Bourdain never tells you how he actually gets to places

Block out the next couple weeks on your calendars and prepare to be shocked/amused/dumfounded/titillated/intrigued/educated/appalled/confused. If you read the posts and are not any of the above, don’t come back to LBL with complaints. This blog comes with no money back guarantee, warranty, or  reviews on Yelp. You are seriously on your own, here. It’s like trying to find an open cafe during Ramadan in Bahrain, when it’s 108 degrees outside. But that’s another story.