How to Be A Good Jihadi Wife

Posted on November 1, 2014

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firstaidkit4c

 

It’s tough enough to be a good wife when one’s spouse has a 9-5 job.  It’s a totally different kettle of fish to be a jihadi wife.  Even a simple good-bye kiss at the door becomes quite complicated when one is wearing a burka and one’s spouse’s head is wrapped entirely in black cloth. Then there’s the unpredictability thing, with spouses rushing around at all hours of the day and night.  It’s mighty tough to plan for mealtime when one’s spouse shows up hours after dinner time, hauling a bunch of hostages in tow, and you have only prepared dinner for the two of you.  Worst of all, there’s that feeling that, while your spouse is out changing the world, you are stuck at home, changing diapers and wiping runny noses.

To help women cope with the comings and goings of their jihadi spouses,  and to make them feel a vital part of jihad, ISIS’s new media wing, The Zora Foundation, is doling out advice to jihadist spouses — ­instructing them how to be “good wives of jihad.” 

The film covers all the bases for a happy union  based in terrorism. “It’s kind of a guideline on how to be a good supporter of jihad and have the best role in supporting ‘your mujahideen’ [jihadist] as a woman,” Charlie Winter, a researcher at the Quilliam Foundation, told The Independent.

The video includes helpful illustrations, such as  a sewing machine, first-aid kit, fridge, microwave and do-it-yourself surgical kit.  Since mujahideens travel on their stomachs (both literally and figuratively), recipes are an important part of the guide book.

A recent post on al-Zora Media’s Twitter account describes a recipe for a simple snack made out of dates, flour and butter:

“This is a quick recipe that can be served to the mujahideen with coffee or can be eaten at any time with water, especially during breaks in battles,” the description reads.  “They contain significant calories and will extend the power and strength of the mujahideen,  Food can be wrapped in colorful pieces of cloth, with little notes pinned on that say “Keep up the good work.”

Just as Western women are required to be jack-of-all-trades in a marriage, Jihadist wives must be multi-taskers. Woman should never undertake combat roles and can contribute to jihad through “feminine manual labor” such as cooking for and nursing fighters, according to guidelines.In addition to making their husbands happy, they must also spread the word.  Women are taught how to make propaganda with design and editing programs.  Women can also avail themselves of  “feminine manual labor”  to make their militants happy.

According to usanews.net, “Ladies are lapping up the message. The organization’s Twitter feed has currently attracted several thousand followers, from countries around the world. Its Facebook page, which initially appeared on Oct. 22, has nearly 300 “likes.”  Those who don’t like the site will be permanently unavailable for comment.

 

 

 

 

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Posted in: humor, marriage