The Secret Meeting Between Trump and Putin

It has just been revealed that, after the known and highly publicized meeting between the two top leaders of the planet, there was a second secret meeting. Because it was secret, nobody will know about this until the New York Times publishes a transcript  of the meeting and CNN analyzes it for at least 48 hours. But, because you are a loyal reader of this blog and have nothing else to do right now aside from waiting until the coffee maker beeps,  Life in the Boomer Lane will share with you her own secret transcript of the meeting.

Trump: I’m glad all those people are gone. They give me the creeps.

Putin: You mean the translators and top aides?

Yeah, those people. Who needs a translator?  I know more languages than any other President in history. Name a language and I’ll know it.

Urdu.

I’m waiting.

Hindi.

Still waiting. 

How about we stick to English, Don? Unless you want to flex your muscles on Russian.

Nah, English is good.  Let’s start. So, what do you want from the US?

Lift the sanctions.

We can’t do that, bro. You know I’d do it if I could. 

(Putin starts to pull a photo out of his briefcase) Are you sure, man?

Hold on!  Stop!  Let’s talk about this!  What if I try again, like really hard. I’ll figure something out. I promise. Just give me a little time. I’ll do more rallies in Pennsylvania and Ohio. My poll numbers will go up. I’ll force Congress to do it.

I’m skeptical, dude. OK, how about global hegemony?

(Crickets chirping. For a long time)

Control of the world, man. That’s what it means.

I know what it means, hom. I thought I would sneeze, so I stopped talking.  So, are you trying to control the world?

People think so. The way I see it is we are liberating people from false notions of what they should be. Deep down, the world is Russian. We just have to show them that.

Do you think the US is Russian?

I’m sure that’s the case.

Does Congress know?  How about Bannon? I think they should know about this.

Don’t go off the deep end. We have our standards. We won’t accept just anybody.

How about me?  I let you join Trump Resorts, bro.  You’re one of my homies there. 

Yes, and I appreciate that, dude.  But it’s a process. We just have to make sure.

The Saudis let me wave that sword. They trust me. You can, too. I’ll do anything. Name it. Really. I want to be part of this. 

I can see where you got your rep for negotiating.  OK, then, there might be something you can do….