
Two recent studies have changed the way we think about relationships between older men and younger women. “We” is defined as anyone who wants to think about these relationships in a different way. The rest of you are free to roam at will and can think whatever you want to. Life in the Boomer Lane has no dog in this fight.
We shall begin with the first piece of research: A recent study of Finnish adults has uncovered a shocking new revelation: Although older men are, indeed, attracted to (substantially) younger women, they are also attracted to women their age. And, as they aged, their preferences aged, as well.
Let’s first get a few things clarified, before you older guys start flooding LBL’s in box with all the reasons why you prefer nubile young things. She’s heard it all. She doubts that there is anything new you can add. “They are more fit!” “They are more active!” “They are kinder/more considerate/more thoughtful/more intelligent/more flexible/better cooks/better housekeepers/better in bed/able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!”
Another point to clarify: Yes, LBL knows that this research was done in Finland. And we all know that Finland is famous for only three things: unusually large heads, Angry Birds and Fiskars scissors. So she totally understands why American men wouldn’t put much stock in anything coming out of Finland.
Back to the research: Basically, the stereotype that older men go for young women is “too crude,” said researcher Jan Antfolk. Anybody named “Antfolk” has to be pretty darn sure of anything he says that will have his name attached to it. Antfolk continues, “An interesting finding is that as men age, they become less picky about age…They report an interest in both younger and older women…And of course in the real world, neither men nor women base their romantic choices on age alone. We look for many different characteristics when choosing a partner, and age is just one of them.”
Because LBL is loving writing the name “Antfolk,” she will add several more of Antfolk’s findings: “Overall, Antfolk found, young men preferred women their own age.”
How young is too young, you may ask? Antfolk explains:
“As women grew older, they generally put more limits on how young they would go: For each year in a woman’s age, her definition of ‘too young’ increased by about four months. Men’s preferences evolved, too, though not as much: Their youngest age limit crept up by two months, on average, each year.”
Here is the most interesting finding: “Men’s actual behavior looked different from their reported interests. They typically had sex with women who were close to their own age.”
LBL leaves it to readers to debate why this is so. She will now reluctantly turn her attention away from Antfolk and address herself to the second research: Are young women with older men looking for a Daddy?
Sara Skentelbery and Darren Fowler of St Mary’s U in Halifax examined the phenomenon of “age gap relationships” from an evolutionary perspective, noting that such pairings have benefits in terms of species survival.
We can see immediately that, while “Skentelbery” is a fun name, it cannot compete with “Antfolk.” In spite of this, LBL will forge ahead.
Skentelbery and Fowler found that women in relationships in which there were large age gaps had experienced no less positive a relationship with their fathers than did women who were in age-compatible relationships. In other words, these women were not looking for daddies.
So what are the younger women looking for? It turns out, mostly to be attached to power and prosperity, what the researchers called “socially valued attributes.” And, “these older men believe they’ll accrue even more power and status by sporting their younger, glamorous, and well-outfitted new spouse.”
There you have it, folks. Sex (or energy level or cooking or sensitivity or anything else) doesn’t seem to have anything to do with this.
LBL promises readers that she will continue to update you on research regarding older men/younger women relationships, as it becomes available. In the meantime, continue on with your lives and be grateful that you aren’t named “Antfolk.”
Antfolk’s findings were published in the January-March issue of the journal Evolutionary Psychology.
Heide
July 27, 2017
If ever I have a child I’m going to name it “Skentelbery Antfolk.” Thank you for that — and also for your hilarious research summary. It’s good to know that when my husband’s eye wanders toward younger women he isn’t thinking about sex, but rather about socially valued attributes.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
I’m glad I could be of service to you and your marriage.
Jackie Rowe
August 1, 2017
Interesting… as a boomer this definitely puts a twist on this issue and also to me, a game changer to popular beliefs! Love that!!
rubiescorner
July 27, 2017
Frankly, there are some of us who have been with the same man in marriage for a long time. For me it has been 48 years. This doesn’t men give us perfect days 100 % of the time. Life has demands, and disappointments. I take each day one at a time. We celebrated this year’s anniversary even more so. We have survived winds, storms, and peaceful times. We often wondered if we would make our vows, “Til Death do us part.” I believe giving an inch or two, and forgiving each other, commenting when we need to, and enjoying time together is essential. Laughter that is not mockery, is healing at times. I believe marriage is work for both parties. He should not be angry without making up for it . She should not be hard shelled. I believe it is all in what you want. If your love has died, then resurrect it. John 11 says “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me though he were dead shall live. ” I believe you can pray for God to resurrect it.” Christ makes a wonderful difference in a marriage, but you still have to give and take, and surrender to God. I hope this helps someone.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
Thanks for your comments, Ruby. I always believe that what makes a marriage last is the daily commitment that both partners have toward having that happen.
rubiescorner
July 28, 2017
Thank you for replying.
rubiescorner
July 28, 2017
I believe I would have to say Ephesians 2, 8-9 fits why we are still together. 48 years, and by grace we are still together.
Patrick Dykie
July 27, 2017
Well, let’s see. I don’t have power, or prosperity, so younger woman aren’t breaking down my front door. I’ve also been married almost twenty-three years. My wife is four years younger than me, and I can’t handle her, let along a woman even younger. Thanks for a great, and funny post. As a final thought – Older men think a lot, and talk even more. Most of its crazy talk, or wishful thinking. I’m just thankful my wife doesn’t leave “me” for a younger man.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
Great comments, Patrick. My own observations, after running a speed dating company, is that the idea of what people want is often very different than the reality.
intelligentinteriors
July 27, 2017
Antfolk and I have a dirty little secret about a meeting more than once in the South of Helsinki
Barbara Meyer The B Design Group LLC
202-355-8894
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
You slay me. xxoo
Andrew Reynolds
July 27, 2017
Ah, that explains it, “Power and prosperity.” Two qualities I lack. Thanks Antfolk!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
And your life has probably been much better off for the lack.
daveyone1
July 27, 2017
Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
Thanks for the reblog!
Carl D'Agostino
July 27, 2017
At 68 young women don’t even see me in a room or crowd. It’s like I’m invisible. But with age, experience , the history through which I have lived and broad knowledge of current events and literature and such , 20ish and even 30ish seem like 12 year old twits.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
Ah, Carl, you are a wise one. Thanks for weighing in.
Transit Address
July 28, 2017
No they aren’t.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 28, 2017
Thanks for reading!
John Kraft
July 29, 2017
My only requirements have been a brain, a sense of humor, and a pulse.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 30, 2017
Bravo to you.