For more years than even Boomers can count, “they” have been telling us what to buy, how to think, where to live, and who to read about in US Magazine. Examples throughout the millennia include:
“They are saying marinated mastodon kebobs will be the next big food item.”
“They say the world is flat, and I tend to agree. It simply makes more sense.”
“I don’t like the looks of this weather, and the guy next door is building some kick ass boat. But they say the rain won’t amount to anything, so I’m not concerned.”
“They say if we give rich people more money, they will create more jobs for the rest of us. I’d give them everything I have, but I already gave it all away when they said the Rapture was coming.”
Finally, at long last, one of the secret theys has been identified. According to Joanna Tolles, “each season’s colors are determined by a single company: Pantone, Inc. The self-proclaimed ‘authority on color,’ Pantone’s seasonal color palette is determined by select world-renowned fashion industry leaders. Designers take into consideration the economy, technology, and the ‘needs, moods, fantasies, and aspirations of consumers.’”
So, there is, indeed, a reason why we wear what we wear. All of our needs, moods, aspirations, fears, fantasies, hallucinations, musical and food preferences, the entire population of aspirants for the Republican presidential nomination, and recurring dreams of flying and eating pepperoni pizza off Dick Cheney’s head, are combined, swirled around, seasoned, baked for 35 minutes in a 350 degree pre-heated oven at the Pantone Color Institute and pop out as Bamboo: A warm, exotic yellow with a subtle green undertone. Or any one of the following:
* Emberglow: A traditional autumn tone that emanates a warm waning fire
* Honeysuckle: A playful, flirtatious reddish pink that’s great with cosmetics
* Phlox: A magical, deep purple that makes a statement against the season’s neutrals
* Cedar: A fresh, versatile, mid-tone neutral green
* Deep teal: A strong, blue-toned green that suggests ocean depths
* Coffee liqueur: A rich, decadent, and savory alternative to basic black
* Nougat: A warm, yet light camel tan. Complements almost any color.
* Orchid Hush: A soft, pleasant tone of gray with subtle orchid undertones
* Quarry: A practical medium-gray staple
This knowledge will solve a lot of potential fashion blunders for Boomers, who may have felt up until now that they were beginning to fall behind, fashion-wise. Now we can all run out and create entire wardrobes in Emberglow, Quarry, and Orchid Hush. That is, until they tell us to wear Pungent Saffron or Malted Chocolate.
Carl D'Agostino
September 12, 2011
pantone – neon rainbow for the wanna be advant garde chic
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
I’m so happy I know about them now. It will make choosing clothing so much easier.
k8edid
September 12, 2011
I simply must have that frock…my son once commented that I should only buy coffee colored blouses (because I was always spilling coffee down my front). I would have if Pantone had only dictated “coffee liqueur” as the color of the season…
“…So, there is, indeed, a reason why we wear what we wear. All of our needs, moods, aspirations, fears, fantasies, hallucinations, musical and food preferences, the entire population of aspirants for the Republican presidential nomination, and recurring dreams of flying and eating pepperoni pizza off Dick Cheney’s head, are combined, swirled around, seasoned, baked for 35 minutes in a 350 degree pre-heated oven at the Pantone Color Institute and pop out as Bamboo: A warm, exotic yellow with a subtle green undertone…”
This, my dear, is why I love your posts.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
Hey, thanks. You make my heart go pitter patter. And seriously, I should also wear coffee colored clothing, and a whole lot of other food products.
Patricia
September 12, 2011
It’s nice that someone knows my needs,moods,aspirations,fears,fantasies,hallucinations,musical and food preferences because for the most part I don’t have a clue about them.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
I like that we can all just relax and stop thinking about anything.
Walker
September 12, 2011
And, of course you failed to mention that it is mostly men who dictate this… I think.
I choose malted chocolate, it sounds divine!
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
This weekend I was decked out in Chocolate Truffle and Coffee Ice Cream.
tinkerbelle86
September 12, 2011
hahaha… i think they is my nan and her cronies!!
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
So funny. Yaeh, that would be good. Then we’d all know who to complain to.
Kathryn McCullough
September 12, 2011
I don’t know that I’d like to be eating anything off of Dick Cheney’s head, but I wouldn’t mind actually devouring the likes of Rick Perry. Think “they” can get him on the menu?
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
Believe me, if I knew who they were, I’d make it happen.
winsomebella
September 12, 2011
So if I spill coffee on all my black things, will I have coffee liqueur, the “new” black?
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
Maybe so. And you just might become the new They of the fashion world.
Elly Lou
September 12, 2011
Tell me you’ve watched the movie “Josie and the Pussycats.” Because YOU are totally jerkin’.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
Oh lord, I never even heard of it. Is that who They are?
Tori Nelson
September 12, 2011
Hahahaha. Elly’s comment just made my day. I like to take white t-shirts (preferably a few sizes too large) and let baby go to town on that pristine cotton. By the end of the day I’m wearing that lush Crusty Oatmeal Poop Smear Juice Drank print “they” all keep talking about.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 12, 2011
OK, so now I’m back in jr high and all the cool kids (meaning everyone but me) are sitting around having yuck yucks about things I am clueless about. But I do know about Crusty Oatmeal Poop Smear Juice Drank print. And Grape Jello Spit Up Surprise. And Banana Puree Barf. Nowadays I just wear Pale Yellow Wee Wee Accident toned panties.
omawarisan
September 13, 2011
I’m pretty sure I saw that dress on a character in a Dr. Seuss book.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 13, 2011
Which is exactly where it belongs.
pegoleg
September 13, 2011
Are you kidding?? I LOVE that dress! I wear it whenever I’m doing pots and pans – it’s a full body scrubber.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 13, 2011
You are the perfect example of creative intelligence increasing with age.
pegoleg
September 13, 2011
Also how one’s idea of a fun evening changes, horribly, with age.
comingeast
September 14, 2011
Loved it! I still hold with the color names used by Crayola: Goldenrod, Cornflower, Burnt Sienna, Periwinkle. What could be better names than those?
lifeintheboomerlane
September 14, 2011
I must admit, when I read the names on Crayola crayons, I immediately zip back in time. I remember reading “Burnt Sienna” and thinking how exotic it was.
havecoffeewilltravel
September 16, 2011
I love your “they-isms,” especially the one about the boat. Great post.
Jeffrey Slater
September 17, 2011
Good stuff!
gardenmad
September 18, 2011
I was recently at a seminar put on by Pantone, and the speaker was talking about upcoming colour trends. At the end, they took questions from the audience. I asked if their forecast was ever incorrect. Turns out, they don’t look back (why would you?), only forward. Kinda like being a weatherman. I want a gig like that.
lifeintheboomerlane
September 19, 2011
Ah, brilliant. “I never look forward, never back.” That could cover most of the major blunders of history, all political candidates, and Zsa Zsa Gabor speaking about her 8 marriages.