Who are “they” and why are they running our lives?

Posted on September 12, 2011

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For more years than even Boomers can count, “they” have been telling us what to buy, how to think, where to live, and who to read about in US Magazine.   Examples throughout the millennia include:

They are saying marinated mastodon kebobs will be the next big food item.”

They say the world is flat, and I tend to agree.  It simply makes more sense.”

“I don’t like the looks of this weather, and the guy next door is building some kick ass boat.  But they say the rain won’t amount to anything, so I’m not concerned.”

They say if we give rich people more money, they will create more jobs for the rest of us.  I’d give them everything I have, but I already gave it all away when they said the Rapture was coming.”

Finally, at long last, one of the secret theys has been identified.  According to Joanna Tolles, “each season’s colors are determined by a single company:  Pantone, Inc.  The self-proclaimed ‘authority on color,’ Pantone’s seasonal color palette is determined by select  world-renowned fashion industry leaders.  Designers take into consideration the economy, technology, and the ‘needs, moods, fantasies, and aspirations of consumers.’”

So, there is, indeed, a reason why we wear what we wear.  All of our needs, moods, aspirations, fears, fantasies, hallucinations, musical and food preferences, the entire population of aspirants for the Republican presidential nomination, and recurring dreams of flying and eating pepperoni pizza off Dick Cheney’s head, are combined, swirled around, seasoned, baked for 35 minutes in a 350 degree pre-heated oven at the Pantone Color Institute and pop out as Bamboo:  A warm, exotic yellow with a subtle green undertone. Or any one of the following:
* Emberglow: A traditional autumn tone that emanates a warm waning fire
* Honeysuckle:  A playful, flirtatious reddish pink that’s great with cosmetics
* Phlox:  A magical, deep purple that makes a statement against the season’s neutrals
* Cedar:  A fresh, versatile, mid-tone neutral green
* Deep teal:  A strong, blue-toned green that suggests ocean depths
* Coffee liqueur:  A rich, decadent, and savory alternative to basic black
* Nougat:  A warm, yet light camel tan.  Complements almost any color.
* Orchid Hush: A soft, pleasant tone of gray with subtle orchid undertones
* Quarry:  A practical medium-gray staple

This knowledge will solve a lot of potential fashion blunders for Boomers, who may have felt up until now that they were beginning to fall behind, fashion-wise.  Now we can all run out and create entire wardrobes in Emberglow, Quarry, and Orchid Hush.  That is, until they tell us to wear  Pungent Saffron or Malted Chocolate.

 

 

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