Comey Apart at the Seams

Posted on June 6, 2017


The setting is the White House War Room. It is the wee hours of Thursday morning.  Ex-FBI Chief Comey is due to testify before the House Intel Committee in less than 12 hours. War Room appointees are seated around a large oval table. All eyes are on the Commander-in-Chief. 

Trump: I’ve called you together to unveil my great Twitter plan to show Comey for the big, fat liar he really is. I’m going to do that by calling him a big, fat liar.

Random War Room Humanoid: Sir, we think you need something with a bit more substance.

T: A big, fat poopie-head?

RWRH: Not any better.

T: I’ll challenge him to an IQ test, then.

RWRH: Sir, we believe you may be taking a chance with that. And, anyway, you tried that last year with Mayor Khan. He just sort of ignored you.

T: I’ll say he is pathetic.

RWRH: Sir, you’ve used that word about the leaders of every one of our allies. They are ignoring you.

T: How about saying he is fake?

RWRH: Sir, you call the media fake everyday. They seem to be ignoring you.

T: I’ll say he is a money-grubbing ingrate.

RWTH: Sir, I think you said that about one of your ex-wives during the divorce proceedings.

T: Can I fire him again?

RWTH: We believe that only works once.

T: Orange Fascist?

RWTH: Sir, that’s what that woman, Reality Winner, called you.

T: Reality Winner? Is that her name?  I thought I copyrighted that name. Can we sue her?

RWTH: Sir, it’s getting late.

T:  OK, I have it. I’ll say Comey didn’t get any electoral votes, and I got like a million of them.

RWTH: Sir, Comey didn’t get any electoral votes because he didn’t run for president.

T: He didn’t?

RWTH: No. He was the FBI Director, not a candidate.

T: What happened to him?

RWTH: Sir, we ‘d all like to get some sleep now.  We suggest that when the time comes, you just wing it. You never seem to run out of thoughts.

T: I do. I have more thoughts than anyone, right? Don’t I have the most thoughts? Like if I had a contest with the whole world, I’d win, right?  I have to start writing all my thoughts down, right now, there are so many of them. Hand me that napkin.

RWTH: Right you are, Sir. Nighty-night.