Furniture Shopping With Donald

Posted on October 8, 2016




Donald, I’m so glad you suggested we go furniture shopping. I need a sectional real bad. It’s making me crazy. I think about sectionals all the time. My husband thinks I’m nuts.

You came to the right person.  I know furniture. Nobody knows furniture like I do.  It’s furniture.  And I know it. Most furniture is a disgrace. My furniture at home is all gold.  It’s all gold. Like all of it. 

Donald! Did you just grab my hoo-hah?!

Not really. I was fluffing this pillow. Take a look. The pillows really make this piece.

Donald, did you just use the word “piece?” Are you referring to me?

Actually, no. Hey, I just used the word ‘actually.’  Did you hear that? I can use big words. I can use really big words. The words I use are the biggest words there are. There are no words bigger than the words I use. I count the letters in the words I use. There are a lot of letters in the words I use. Are you laying down on that sectional?

I’m testing it out. What do you think?

That color is a disgrace. The color is a bit off. Clashes with my hair. Take a look at the one over there. Sleek lines, soft, appealing. Makes you want to lay on top of it and rub those two big pillows all over your face.  

Are you talking about the sectional or me?

The sectional. Let’s take a look at the fabric samples.  I know fabric. It’s that woven stuff. My employees wear fabric uniforms. I know all about it. It’s fabric. 

Can you help me up off this sectional?

Sure, I’m the guy for that.  Manly. I know how to do stuff like that for the ladies.  (calls a store employee over) Mr Trump here!  Get this woman off the sectional!”

You are so in-charge, Donald.  You could run a furniture store.

Yeah, the women all say that.  Hey, it’s getting hot in here. My head is sweating under my pouf. Let’s get out of here.

You mean to another furniture store?

No, to fuck.  My bed at home is gold. It’s gold. All over.  You can feel it. It’s gold.  Gold all over. Gold. 

I thought we were furniture shopping.

Yeah, it’s gold. Even the pillows are gold.