I din’t intend to write a post about Joan Rivers. Many pieces will be written by people far more talented than I am. But the more I thought about it, Joan Rivers, or rather her mentality, was exactly what I had in mind when I created the Guerrilla Aging segment of my blog.
When I first became aware of Joan Rivers, I thought she was funny. She was funny because she was unfiltered. Her comedy came from thoughts that I had but rarely shared. She made it OK for me to have those thoughts.
As the years passed, I became less enamored with her, simply because I’m not a fan of red carpet fashion shows. It’s not that I have an issue with them. It’s more that I could better relate if the celebs were wearing fabulous dresses they found at Marshalls or TJ Maxx or at some crazy sale somewhere.
I’m also not a fan of celebrity reality shows, and so I didn’t watch “Joan and Melissa.”
I don’t watch QVC. I knew she hawked a line of jewelry and appeared on those shows herself. I also knew that she had a clothing line, as well.
I rarely read books written by celebs, meaning never. I knew she wrote books and I attended one of her author evenings last year. I simply wanted to see her in person. She wore stiletto heels and talked non-stop. I bought a book, had it autographed, and skimmed it.
I didn’t watch her celebrity fashion critique show, Fashion Police, except for small snatches. She was funny, but she also often crossed the line into mean-spirited. Even celebs have feelings, right? Or maybe they don’t.
It has only been in the last few years that I began to look at Joan Rivers in a different way. The sixties, as fabulous as they are, can also be defined for many by loss: retirement, health and mobility, death of loved ones, adult children off and involved with families of their own. Because I was becoming more and more aware of the winding down nature of life into my 60s, I realized Joan Rivers, 14 years my senior, had been, all throughout this time, winding up. That’s when I really started to pay attention.
We are all capable of so much more than we believe ourselves to be. Unfortunately, it usually takes some kind of tragic circumstances to propel us to a higher level. Joan Rivers, having experienced tragedy many years ago, was a good example. But in recent years, she needed no tragedy to keep taking a bigger and bigger bite of her own pie. She grew before my eyes, and I was mesmerized.
Joan Rivers, unlike aging rockers, didn’t need to hold concerts in which she played the music that made her famous, to audiences of adoring grey-heads. Joan Rivers stayed relevant and stayed one step ahead of her adoring, young fans. They didn’t have to know about any of the barriers she broke years ago for female comedians. They only had to watch her now to appreciate who she was. Each time I watched her, I got a powerful message from her: Life is less about the memory of what came before than it is about what is happening now. Joan Rivers loved what her life had been. But she loved more the life she was living in any particular moment. And she loved best the life she was creating for tomorrow. She was irreverent. She was outrageous. She was sometimes distasteful. But she was always more than funny. She was who we all could be if we lived as though there were no expectations other than our own.
Joan Rivers sat at life’s table. She demanded the finest linens, china, and utensils. She always had fresh flowers. She was always served food that was seasoned perfectly. But when the food called for it, she ate with her hands. When she dropped her napkin, she wiped her face with the corner of the tablecloth. If she belched, she didn’t apologize. If others didn’t want to watch her, they could eat in another room. Her dining table was always full, and the seats around the table were always taken.
Charles
September 5, 2014
This is great writing. Well said and well written. I bed she would have loved that last paragraph.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 3, 2014
Thanks Charles, and thanks for reading!
NN Bartley
September 5, 2014
I don’t know. That’s a pretty eloquent piece you wrote. And what a great take-away of Joan’s life and death. I hope her “When I die” wishes are fulfilled.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, NN. As do I. What a sight that would be.
KM Huber
September 5, 2014
Quite lovely, this post. Thanks for showing me Joan Rivers in a perspective I had not considered.
Karen
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
And thanks for that comment, Karen.
Retirementallychallenged.com
September 5, 2014
“Joan Rivers sat at life’s table.” Just beautiful. Like you, I don’t follow the celebrity trail so I had lost track of her over the years. Now that she is gone I realize that I should have paid more attention to her.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
It’s funny how it just snuck up on me, that while so many of us were bemoaning aging as life-diminishing, Joan Rivers kept creating a bigger and bigger life for herself.
Claire
September 5, 2014
So well said thanks renee
Claire Sent from my iPhone
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Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, Claire.
Phyllis
September 5, 2014
Very nicely done little Reenie
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
And thanks for that comment, Philly.
jlheuer
September 5, 2014
Interesting. You said exactly what I was thinking. I agree on all your points from celeb books to red carpet fashion shows. I too, didn’t pay much attention to her till of late. Maybe because I am now 65 and also feel irreverent at times, when Joan, after a biting remark, would say something like, grow up, it’s a joke. I applauded her.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
I’m joining you.
btg5885
September 5, 2014
Renee, nicely done. I also liked Joan Rivers with her irreverance and wit. I agree she was not perfect and I tended to stay away from her red carpet shows and critiques like you did, but on the whole she will be remembered well. She did cross some lines on her critqiues, but she also made fun of herself more than anyone. If she had not done the latter, the former may have been less well received. Nice work, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, BTG. The ability to make fun of herself was what tempered the rest of what she said.
Deborah Drucker
September 5, 2014
I was sad to hear about Joan Rivers. I remember when she was on Ed Sullivan. I think I liked her better then. But life changes people. She wanted to keep working to the end and she did. That is what I admire about her. I remember her saying once something like the reason she worked so much was a fear of losing her career. I hope that was not driving her all the way to the end. I hope what she did made her happy.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
She lived life exactly the way she wanted to. And leaving this world while at the top of her game would probably have been her choice.
Connie Gentile
September 5, 2014
Well said!
Sent from my iPad
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Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, Con.
Anonymous
September 5, 2014
I so so agree! I was also not an avid fan of Joan Rivers until recent years when I began to appreciate her zest for life and defiance of growing old. And you said it so well when you said, “She was funny because she was unfiltered. Her comedy came from thoughts that I had but rarely shared. She made it OK for me to have those thoughts.”
Susan in TX
September 5, 2014
Really, really lovely. Thank you.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, Susan.
mercyn620
September 5, 2014
I always admired Joan her wit, her intelligence, her zest for life. I did not watch her (and her daughter’s) Fashion show and never watch QVC. But I loved her willingness to say what she thought and everyone else be damned. My one caveat was her obsession with her looks and inability to age gracefully.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
I didn’t talk about the cosmetic surgery because I never thought it had anything to do with who she really was. In spite of the procedures, she always came across to me as someone who wasn’t self-absorbed.
katecrimmins
September 5, 2014
I loved her ability to laugh at herself. We all need to do that or it gets too intense. From stories I have been reading she was a very kind and generous person despite her barbed wit. Wonderful post.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks, Kate. I appreciate the comments.
ermigal
September 6, 2014
Excellent,excellent piece,lbl. She truly was a pioneer for female entertainers and was an example of grabbing the gusto in life and not being defeated by tragedy. And thanks for reminding us that age is just a number! Well done.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Thanks. She was able to remain relevant, and that’s not easy. She was a force of nature.
Snoring Dog Studio
September 6, 2014
She was unique, that’s for certain. Living through a tragedy had to change her some and give her a different perspective on life than most of us have. I might not have cared for her brand of humor but I do admire her spirit.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 6, 2014
Yes, it was the spirit that I always admired, even as I was cringing at some of her comments.
Renee midlifelows.com
September 6, 2014
Joan grew old but refused to go away. She stayed out in front, demanding attention. Good for her.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 7, 2014
Thanks, Renee. Well said.
chlost
September 7, 2014
The point that she did not dwell on the past but took on the future with gusto…something I hadn’t thought of, but yes-exactly!
She was so different from the Midwestern nice that I grew up in, that it took me a while to understand how she could say all of those things out loud. Maybe other people were thinking those bad things, too…..not just me? It was somewhat like George Carlin. It ended up that I liked both of them most of the time, and both of them went a bit far for me sometimes. And that is what the world needs….someone to push the limits just a bit, so we don’t really notice the limits have changed until we look back.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 7, 2014
Thanks for these comments. You have said it all so well.
Main Street Musings Blog
September 9, 2014
Well said. She was a true comedy legend.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 3, 2014
And an amazing woman.
Lorna's Voice
September 10, 2014
Nicely done. I loved Joan’s self-deprecating humor. All those cosmetic surgeries scared me, though–but she laughed at them, too. Her energy amazed me.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 3, 2014
Thanks, Lorna. Yes, her energy overwhelmed me.
benzeknees
November 25, 2014
I loved this post! There were often times when I thought Joan Rivers was irreverent & just a little bit mean, but she lived life with gusto & I think a lot of older women could learn a lesson from her!