For those of you who operate at a higher level than worrying about remembering to pack enough snack food, More Magazine offers an article titled “How to Travel Chic—And in Comfort.”
Michael Kors, world-famous celeb designer and judge on the hit TV reality show, Project Runway, offers his top 5 favorite tips for air travel:
1. When flying, minimize your accessories
2. Pack a sleek clutch for evening.
3. Wear big sunglasses so you always arrive looking glamorous.
4. Pack a polished flat and a sexy high heel
5. A cashmere scarf can serve as a muffler and a blanket on the flight
Michael Kors’ favorite tip: “I always travel with a picture of my beloved cats in a leather frame from Hermes ($710).”
This writer, after spending a fair amount of time considering all of the above, came to the realization that she didn’t own a clutch, big sunglasses, a polished flat, a sexy high heel (or even a pair of them), a cashmere scarf of any size, let alone one that could serve as a blanket. She does own a cat, but she is thrilled to forget that fact when she travels and so prefers not to bring a photo with her to remind her.
Here is her own personal top 5 list for successful air travel:
1. Wear comfortable shoes that can be removed easily. If you wear your shoes without socks, you can amuse yourself in the airport security line by considering any number of communicable diseases that are attaching themselves to your feet while you are watching others pass through wearing protective socks.
2. Limit accessories to a large passport holder that can be strung around your neck, containing your passport, tickets, ID. Be prepared to be offered a wheelchair and asked if your handler is in the vicinity.
3. Wear pants several sizes too big so you arrive looking like a clown but leave with them fitting you perfectly
4. Pick a color palette that closely approximates spilled food, since you will be really far from your washing machine and your dry cleaners.
5. If you are chilly on the flight, ask the flight attendant for a blanket. She will be very amused since there have been no blankets offered in steerage since 1981.
Happy travels!
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Carl D'Agostino
May 21, 2012
What not to wear: My friend wore an FBI t-shirt for his flight Miami to Boston. I will allow you to speculate what happened for the next 50 hours !
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Oh my. I don’t want to think about it.
WSW
May 21, 2012
It’s nice that you get a chuckle when you ask for a blanket. The last time I asked for anything on a flight, all I got was a haughty stare and what I think was a derisive snort. I can’t say for certain, because the flight attendant as halfway to first class before I could even finish my sentence. Flying the friendly skies my a**.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Actually I didn’t get a chuckle, only an offer of an extra bag of little pretzels.
WSW
May 21, 2012
Which would be more than I ever got. Congratulations.
pegoleg
May 21, 2012
Valuable tips, all, but I’m going to have to wash my eyes out with acid after seeing that picture. Not that those boots don’t look good on you, Renee…
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Listen, I figured why not give those TSA folks what they want, instead of having them wrestle me to the ground to get it.
pegoleg
May 21, 2012
ha ha ha!
Anonymous
May 21, 2012
Another what not to wear: Many years ago (before I had my Boomer Brain) thought I’d wear heels to look glam for my arrival in Paris. Result: I could barely walk because my feet had swollen like a couple of baguettes, that’s one time I wished for a wheelchair…..glam shmam, it’s flats no matter what the destination now. your photo selection is beyond funny….
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
I occasionally see women running through terminals and getting onto planes in stiletto heels. That is the best proof yet that we do, indeed, have extraterrestrials living among us.
k8edid
May 21, 2012
But won’t I walk funny if I wear a flat AND a sexy high heel? Not that I don’t walk funny already. I suspect you could add up the value of everything packed in my carry-on and it would not total $710.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Oh funny. Yeah, mine either. I would seriously sell my cat for $710 and throw in all the food and kitty litter.
Tori Nelson
May 21, 2012
Feeling like the Anti Posh for not traveling with a sexy kitten photo in a $1,000 frame. Sure, I don’t own a cat or have a $1,000 for a frame, but that’s not the point. Frumpy Flight Hoppers are pretty inexcusable.
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 2, 2012
I always frame my $1000 tickets to London to see my daughter. I figure it’s my retirement money I’m using, so I should be respectful of it. The folks at the airport are never amused.
Gayane
May 21, 2012
Good tips. Years ago (before I had my Boomer Brain) wore heels for my glam arrival in Paris. Resul : feet swollen like a couple of baguettes, could barely walk, looked more like Yoda, short and wobbly. Glam shmam, it’s flats now wherever my destination. The photo you selected is beyond funny, he/she probably didn’t hesitate when removing shoes, or anything else?
Gayane
May 21, 2012
on further reflection, the person in the photo does appear to be a she< i can see the faint outline of a bra, but condering the rest of her look, wonder why she was compelled to wear one…..
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
I think it’s a he. I hope.
zupher
May 21, 2012
Funny picture!!!!
“4. Pick a color palette that closely approximates spilled food, since you will be really far from your washing machine and your dry cleaners”…Euwww?? hahah..imagining the smell.
But..yeah…I agree…I personally didn’t own any white cloth for the same reason. 😛
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Anything white lasts one wearing for me. Good thing I’m not a doctor or an ice cream vendor.
k8edid
May 21, 2012
My younger son asked me once why I didn’t just buy coffee-colored tops. I had no good answer.
pegoleg
May 21, 2012
This is genius! You could market a line of coffee-colored tops at Starbucks.
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 2, 2012
My boobs used to be medium+ size. Now they are large. Big boobs are total crumb and stain catchers. I’m going to wear a tee shirt that says across the boobs “The food stops here.”
gojulesgo
May 21, 2012
Ha! That picture is PRICELESS. I am so with you on the baggy pants! But I’d probably cave and bring a framed picture of Uncle Jesse. Since I can’t afford the Hermes frame, I’d just wear it around my neck with my passport.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
There isn’t enough money in the world to have me do that. What did I just say? I’d do it for $10. But no less.
John
May 21, 2012
I wish I knew about these tips last week, especially the one about sexy high heels.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
I’m laughing.
Lynne Spreen
May 21, 2012
Sometimes I fly out of Palm Springs. Nice little airport, but the visuals are the best. Fashion is straight out of More Magazine (I saw the article. Seriously, a chartreuse pair of jeans?) And then there are the gals with the must-have 6-inch travel heel. Although we have the same packing strategy: per More, wear your big shoes to save packing space. And my sneakers are really big. Size 10 on one foot, 10 1/2 on the other. So that saves like half a suitcase. The other half is filled with white cotton tees, the go-to garment for a hot lady like me. As in flashes.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
I wear size 12 combat boots, room for my feet and all of my clothes. BTW, I thought it was amusing that, after I wrote the spoof about how to find the perfect swimsuit, More bleated from the cover “BEST SWIMSUITS for every age, size and budget.” Once again, my body was not represented in all the pages of swimsuits. Sigh.
Lynne Spreen
May 21, 2012
From that same article, I deduced from their stark lack of representation that all my “tennis dress”-style swimsuits are insufficiently stylish.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Tennis dressing is out. Optical illusion is in. I am going to buy a swimsuit with a B cup (because all of them have B cups). My breasts will be totally exposed but large arrows on the front of the suit will distract the viewers eye and they will look at something else. Also, because I don’t own a butt, the back of the suit will have another arrow pointing off into the distance.
Alaina Mabaso
June 3, 2012
Is that really true about them all being B cups? because I believe it. I am a D and no bathing suit in the world has been made with any consideration at all for my breasts.
speaker7
May 21, 2012
I’m sure the rest of the post was great, but my brain exploded over the $710 frame, and I couldn’t get past that. $710 frame. For a cat picture. There is nothing wrong with the division of wealth is this country.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
And here I was applauding him for placing both of the cats in the same photo, thereby saving $710.
Kathryn McCullough
May 21, 2012
As someone who in recent years has spent (it seems) more time in the air than on the ground and more time on distant continents than on my own, I can assure you this is brilliantly funny–especially to someone w ho has flown way, way too much. I laughed out loud. I laughed hard.
By the way, I would love your feedback on the chapter I just posted–either via email or even in the comments. I would be curious to know your responses to some of the comments, as well. I got what I thought were helpful sylistic suggestions, as well as others about pace, etc. As you know, I value your response more than most–especially since you’re the one who got me started on this memoir journey in the first place. And, hell, you’ve written one!
Hugs,
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Thanks, Kathy! Can you send me your email address again?
writingfeemail
May 21, 2012
And by all means, avoid the underwire bra unless you want to get felt up by the security agents. I have learned the hard way.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Because of my knee replacement, I have been felt up more times than Linda Lovelace.
She's a Maineiac
May 21, 2012
No blankets? What the? Do they even give you a microscopic bag of peanuts anymore? I don’t think I will ever fly again.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 21, 2012
Blankets are only on international flights now. And peanuts have become the scourge of the devil since most of the population has convinced themselves they are allergic to them.
Emily Cannell
May 21, 2012
We have to incorporate an extra hour into our airport time because I have the look of someone intent on doing harm. I`m always pulled out of line, wanded, my bags emptied, I@m then put in a chamber that sniffs for gas (My family confirms that I`m gassy) while the rest of the family goes through acting like they don`t know me- the unsaid words “We`ll meet you at Starbucks. We`ll know you`re almost done when we hear them laughing at the body scan.” Needless to say, I`ve learned to limit the stuff for TSA to go through out of necessity.
Lynne Spreen
May 21, 2012
Me, too. Whenever I go thru an airport I get such a bad attitude I almost can’t control myself. I always kind of hallucinate that I’m in the Soviet Union circa 1980. I get pissed off that the “soldiers” are always barking out commands, herding us together. One asked me to open my laptop! She asked me “what’s on it?” I’m thinking, what’s on it, you idiot? My fingerprints are on it, you flippin’ douche! Oh, do you mean, what did I WRITE? BECAUSE I’M A WRITER AND THAT’S WHAT I DO, BUT YOU CAN’T READ AND COMPUTERS SCARE YOU? But I curtsy and genuflect, because otherwise they’re going to haul me off to the chamber that sniffs for gas.
Emily Cannell
May 21, 2012
Hahah!I`m only the gas chamber because I eat a pot of lentil soup. Next time you should say- “My manifesto” when asked about the computer.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 22, 2012
Now Husband always goes through this at Security. He uses his US passport, but he also has a Turkish passport. If he ever used that, he’d probably be detained for hours or days or….
The Good Greatsby
May 21, 2012
I mostly only take international flights. The domestic flights here in China can be a bit dodgy but our international flights are just heavenly. My biggest concern is distracting the kids and those new personal TVs with a thousand movies, TV shows, and video games have made me willing to travel again. If they allow you to visit from steerage for a minute, I’ll let you watch the TV over my shoulder.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 22, 2012
I’d take you up on it but I’d have to get past the security guards who protect people like you from peope like me.
nrhatch
May 21, 2012
Once again, you’ve convinced me that I’m better off staying Home Sweet Home. Thanks for the laugh.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 22, 2012
Nancy, you live in a place that everyone tries to get TO. No need to go anywhere else!
frugalfirstclasstravel
May 22, 2012
Great hints. I’m so glad I don’t live in the US and have to put up with your airlines…..much and all as we complain about deteriorating service on our domestic services and least our flight attendants can speak rather than snort……
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 22, 2012
I’ve actually had good experiences with the way service is provided. My issues are what is provided. Now, when I fly from DC to Seattle, there is no food or beverage service of any kind, except for what can be purchased. That’s a l-o-n-g trip without anything. And on some flights, the only way to get an attendant’s attention is to go back to the galley.
Paprika Furstenburg
May 22, 2012
Excellent advice! I am always astounded at the outfits people choose to wear when flying. It is not a fashion show. For the life of me, I can’t understand why some women where high heeled boots that lace all the way up to their thighs when they are traveling. I also can’t understand how I always manage to be behind those people in the security line.
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 2, 2012
Yikes, I’ve never gotten behind anyone like that. Normal lace up shoes are bad enough. I also don’t get high heels of any kind in airports.
The Byronic Man
May 22, 2012
Did you know if high-heels were banned from airplanes tickets would be cheaper and planes would use less resources? Heels consolidate so much pressure in one spot that the floors need to be substantially thicker, thus heavier, thus requiring more fuel to lift.
The more you know…
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 2, 2012
OK, B Man, I am now going to Google this (or rather, Bing this, since my son works for Microsoft). I am stunned. Is there no limit to your mental prowess?
Mike Beaumont
May 22, 2012
I love travel tips from seasoned travelers. Never know when I am going to need a pair of polished flats. Are you sure you didn’t get that picture while at WalMart…
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 2, 2012
Can you imagine if WalMart created WalMart Air? Actually, they are probably working on it as I type this.
nrhatch
May 23, 2012
WP has a new feature “My Morning Coffee” . . .
http://nrhatch.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/dont-wait-to-be-freshly-pressed/
I nominated you for your thought-provoking and often hilarious posts!
oneawkwardyear
May 24, 2012
haha! Love this, especially the large pants!
jillianinboots
May 24, 2012
I’m laughing my head off! So much so that people in Barnes and Noble are staring. Thanks for such a witty breath of fresh air on an otherwise ordinary day. Love your blog!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 24, 2012
Hey Jillian, thanks so much. I’m really honored. And if one of those people is the CEO of Barnes and Noble, tell him to carry my book, please. Thanks.
riatarded
May 25, 2012
hahaha i’ve bookmarked this! LOL
Worrywart
May 25, 2012
Hilarious and excellent advice!
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 1, 2012
Thanks!
Rebecca Latson Photography
June 1, 2012
Ugh. You wouldn’t want a blanket anyway. I’ve read stories about those things. Heaven only knows where they have been before they ever reach your lap. I have applied just about all of your tips during my travels (except for the blanket one).
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 1, 2012
Uh oh. I always delude myself with thinking that they wash/steralize the blankets. Do they only just refold them and seal them in the plastic bags???
Rebecca Latson Photography
June 2, 2012
I did a little more looking around on the internet, and I’ve read varying stories about blanket cleanliness. Some of the more recent blurbs (2011 and 2012) say that yes, the blankets are cleaned but that now they are beginning to charge for them. Regardless, I’ve never used their blankets (I’m paranoid and I can’t clean it with a Wet Wipe like I can the tray table).
Alaina Mabaso
June 3, 2012
Blankets are deteriorating on international flights too. When my husband and I went transatlantic last fall, we both had a blanket, but for some reason his was half the size of mine. They’ll probably both be tiny by the next time we fly.
I think you should be grateful for Kors’ $700 cat pic. What if he got it into his head that his cats should accompany him on the flight? Would you want to fly with a pair of celebrity housecats? I’m sure they’d put the litter box in economy class.
My tips for flight: Sports bra. Slip-on shoes. Cushy socks. Chapstick and airline-approved lotion – my skin gets SO dry in planes. Don’t listen to your husband when he says he’ll probably be fine and doesn’t need to buy an extra snack before boarding. Buy the $9 pack of trail mix at the terminal newsstand. You will not be sorry. Then, when the trail mix is gone and he’s hungry in the dead of night, do not be afraid to face off with the flight attendants where they live in the back of the plane, behind the aft lavatories. I got a whole sandwich that way once (for my husband) a whole two hours before they were actually distributed.
The flight from NYC to Johannesburg is a long one, so I know of what I speak.
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 4, 2012
So much to think about in this comment. Like having to travel next to Michael Kors’ celeb cats. Of course, I’d be the one sitting next to them and they would make a complete racket the entire time and eat my bag of little pretzels and use my tiny blanket.
Alaina Mabaso
June 4, 2012
Even if they didn’t use the blanket themselves, it would undoubtedly be ruined by their hair if they are in the vicinity.