Now Husband Dan will tell you (as will the mailman, random neighbors, Girl Scout cookie vendors, and UPS delivery people) that I am wont to change into my sleeping attire at any hour of the day, as long as I know I’m not leaving the house again. Sleep attire for me consists of an assortment of mismatched and should-have-been-discarded clothing. Bras are not included in the ensemble. Changing into these clothes, in theory, should envelope me in a cloud of peace and serenity. But it usually doesn’t work out that way.
My peace and serenity has been destroyed over and over by the never ending streams of people who wait until I have changed clothes before they show up at the front door. In addition to the ones I have already mentioned, there are the ones who arrive with a clipboard and a look of supreme earnestness. They want me to save the whales, the planet, the Democratic party. There are others who, when I open the door, take a huge step backward (So far, none of them has fallen off the porch, much to my surprise), so as to send the following message: “I may look threatening, but I am perfectly harmless. I will ask you to purchase something you don’t need or want so that I may win some hypothetical contest that will enable me to get off drugs or stay in school or win a free dinner from my probation officer. And, by the way, you should never open your door to strangers.”
Then there are the local high school band members, Boosters, cheerleaders, swim team, and retired teachers. The list goes on and on. When all others have been exhausted, I can count on someone who wants to sell me house cleaning services, tree removal, and/or firewood (Usually after they have charged me for taking the tree down, I then have the opportunity to buy the firewood that I used to own when it was in the configuration of an actual tree.) What all this means is that I spend a lot of time running to the door, clutching things to my chest in a futile attempt to disguise the fact that I’m not wearing a bra and wondering why any sane person would ever want to sell me anything, aside from new clothes.
So I decided to change things. I would treat my down time at home with the same attention to detail that I treat my time out in the world. Then I remembered that I spend most of my time out in the world wearing the same workout clothes and sneakers each day, so that wouldn’t be such a good idea. Instead, I purchased a SLEEPING BRA. Yes, they do exist. My normal bras are designed by the same company that designs suspension bridges. My new sleeping bra has no wires, levers, pulleys. Nor does it require an E-Z Pass. It is soft and comfy but is a definite step up from going braless. I also bought cute, soft, semi-fitted tee shirts and soft, black loungy pajama bottoms. There are no rips, tears, stains, or dried food products on any of them. I look so cute, I can’t stand myself.
Then I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more. Then I started getting pissed off. Finally, when I heard the knock at the door, I sprang out of my computer chair and ran. There at the door was a little Girl Scout cookie humanoid. She was adorable and had so many badges and ribbons on her uniform that she could have given General Westmoreland a run for his money. I was so excited to see her (and even more excited that she was able to see how cute and socially acceptable I was), that I invited her and her mom inside and I purchased 10 boxes of cookies. It wasn’t until she left that I remembered I don’t eat Girl Scout cookies.
This dressing up thing is going to be an expensive proposition.
carldagostino
February 3, 2011
Look at the prices! To put them in perspective look at the salaries. In 1943 my mother made $5 a week as a clerk typist at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Men in skilled labor made $15 a week.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
I know. It’s crazy. My dad used to make about $5000 a year when I was growing up. When I worked full-time, between high school and college, I bought “professional” dresses from a cheesy store that sold them for $3, $5 and $7.
Debbie
February 3, 2011
Ah, Renee, you make me laugh! Isn’t working at home grand? Wonder why anybody would expect us to be formally attired when we don’t have to be? Comfort trumps fashion, every time!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Thanks, Debbie. I LOVE to work from home, especially in winter.
Dorothy Sander
February 3, 2011
Thank you for the laugh! It was a great way to start my day (as I wait for the moment when I think it’s “okay” to get into something more comfortable!) As a work-at-home writer the temptation is great never to get dressed! I like your “style” and may have to adopt your approach ~ next time I get a $15 royalty check!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Thanks. Now that’s funny, about the $15 royalty check. I wrote a novel many years ago that I self-published and never marketed. But I still get a 1099 at the end of each year with a total that amounts to less than $3.00.
36x37
February 3, 2011
I’m jealous of a few things here: Your new threads, your $3.00 royalty check, and the fact your neighborhood girl scouts = cookies. My neighborhood is full of enthusiastic boy scouts. They have an annual pop corn sale, but that’s not nearly as exciting.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
It’s true. We seem to have an overabundance of Girl Scouts around here. And everytime I get one of those end-of-the-year statements, I always think: Who the hell is actually buying that book?
Dorothy Sander
February 3, 2011
Me too! (about the Girl Scout cookies)! Our most commonly offered and distributed treat is religious tracts! (I think someone’s trying to tell me something!)
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Ah, luckily we don’t get the religious tract people. Or maybe it’s because when I see people dressed like the Duggars heading down the street, I lock the door, go to the back of the house and stand in the closet until the knocking stops. My mother could never turn anyone away. We had drawers filled with brochures that showed illustrations of the end-of-the-world in a body-filled inferno with subsequent instructions about how to avoid all that by coming to whatever church it was.
WorkingBoomer
February 3, 2011
Great post! I really enjoyed it. I can so relate! I like my comfy clothes and don’t like bras at all. That is the 1st. thing to disappear when I walk into my apt. I am lucky though, my apt. complex does not allow for solicitors so there are not many knocks on the door. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Thanks for reading. I didn’t say this in my post, but I’ve been known to put on my pajamas before a friend (one of my husband’s closest friends) comes to dinner. Of course, then I leave my bra on.
Elly Lou
February 3, 2011
What the heck is a sleep bra and why don’t I have one?!? It sounds exquisite! Also I need a sleep cleaner. Is that an option?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
I was shocked when I Googled “bra for Sleeping.” Try it. Just make sure you don’t type “bro for sleeping” by mistake. Re sleep cleaner: Listen, with enough money you could get someone to come in during the night and brush your teeth for you. That’s the thing I hate when I’m tired.
Walker
February 3, 2011
Can’t tell you how many times I stand around w/ arms crossing trying to hide the saggy boobs! Too funny, never thought of a sleep bra! I rarely answer my door, but the full glass windows on both sides mean I have to hide in the kitchen to avoid being seen-usually in my fluffy blue robe.
Today I’m in very holey black leggings and the baggiest black sweater known to man.. dirty hair and unwashed face. I’d scare anyone off.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Oh, I am so laughing at the image of you hiding. And so happy I’m not the only one! I always laugh at the Golden Girls episodes that show women lounging around in lovely at-home wear. There should be a reality show called “REAL Women at Home.” It would be scary. But we do clean up well, don’t we?
writerwoman61
February 3, 2011
I laughed and laughed at this post, Renée, especially the part about them backing up a step when you open the door! I don’t have many “jammie days” (except yesterday), but when I do, I don’t wear a bra either! Luckily, we don’t get many surprise visitors (an advantage of living in the country and having a long driveway!).
Wendy
P.S. My Grandma had dresses A and C (or reasonable facsimiles), and wore them with her flesh-coloured stockings and low-heeled black oxfords right through the 1980’s!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Thanks, Wendy. Oh how I would love to see a photo of your grandma wearing one of those creations. And through the 80s? Wow.
writerwoman61
February 3, 2011
I’ll check the photo albums and see what I can find…I don’t have many photos of her…
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
Can’t wait to see what you come up with!
Tori Nelson
February 3, 2011
Haha. I sent this to my fiance. He quickly responded “Holy Mother of Pearl, are you two related? Is she your Oprah-surprise sister?”
I don’t play any games when it comes to loungeware. There is nothing more important that slouchy pants and over-sized t-shirts. Your new and improved comfy clothes sound cute! Eventually, I will cave in and at least put on a bra.
Thanks for the laugh!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
So funny that you sent it to him and his answer (love the “Holy Mother of pearl”). I am so happy to be part of the “Non-Travelling Sisterhood of the Ratty Clothes and No Bra.” Even with my new duds, I still have my default outfits for times when I KNOW there won’t be anyone coming to the door.
itsahappyblog
February 3, 2011
My brother recently came to live with us. I love it. But, umm, I forgot that now I have to be ‘respectable’ in my attire! *dislike*
lifeintheboomerlane
February 3, 2011
When my kids were here over the holidays with their significant others, I had to wear a bra 24/7, and try to look like I didn’t just crawl out from under something. The worst was that because I have a grandchild now, there was a lot of picture-taking going on, which made it even worse!
Swanlady
February 4, 2011
A supportive camisole can sub for a sleep bra, is very comfortable and is totally acceptable for answering the door –
I have a favorite red sweater that seems to hide whatever is going on under there and it’s easy to slip on over any other piece of clothing…or not(the clothing that is).
Great post!
lifeintheboomerlane
February 4, 2011
Thanks. And good suggestion about the supportive camisole.
Kathryn McCullough
February 4, 2011
This is hysterical, Renee! I too like lounging in sleep attire. And I had NO idea there were sleeping bras. I will have to get a few.
Good to know you are maximizing your cute potential during down time!
Really love this one!
Hugs from Haiti,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
February 4, 2011
Thanks, Kathy. I seem to have struck a chord among the nighttime bra-deprived set. BTW, this evening I was sitting in front of the TV, eating tuna directly from the can and someone came to my side door (right where I was sitting) and started knocking on the door. It’s like he read my post and wanted to make me crazy.
sunshineinlondon
February 4, 2011
What a funny post, Renee – my favourite line is “I look so cute, I can’t stand myself”! hahahaha!
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
February 4, 2011
Thanks, Sunshine. Hopefully, I’ll still be saying that when I’m in my 80s.
wendyinthecity
February 4, 2011
This post resonated with me-a consultant that works from home. When I am with clients, I must dress “business conservative” in suits and heels. Soooo, as you can imagine my in home office attire is polar opposite of the stuff worn outside the friendly confines.
Thank-God I have no video conference calls or “smelliphone” calls-yet, as I often become engrossed in my work and don’t even shower and change from PJs to comfy clothes the entire day! How refreshing to know that this impulse is natural-and isn’t it freeing?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 4, 2011
Thanks for reading, Wendy. Yes, it is comforting to know that we can all bond over our comfy, at-home clothes. My dad’s way of relaxing at home was to not wear his tie. I never say my mom in anything but a housedress and apron. I am so happy that things have changed.
Allison
February 7, 2011
Who doesn’t like girl scout cookies?? Thin mints (especially when frozen), Caramel deLites (or Samoas, depending on where you live), Shortbread (good plain or with frosting)…starting to regret that I didn’t order any because my lack of self-control with girl scout cookies is second only to Twinkies.
I live for the moment each day when I can don my candy cane jammie pants. The best thing about my jammie pants (with the exception of the fact they feature candy) is that they have pockets. Pockets in jammie pants = design genius.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
Your jammie pants sound divine. And pockets, brilliant. I’m a big fan of Samoas. Thin mints, not so much.
merrilymarylee
February 7, 2011
We should live next door to each other. I am not known for my athleticism, but I can pull my bra out of my sleeve with ease. I have convinced my husband that my PJ’s are lounging attire.
lifeintheboomerlane
February 7, 2011
So funny. I’ve done the bra-out-of-the-sleeve thing.
subWOW
February 8, 2011
Yes yes yes. The bra out of the sleeve thing. Do you know that men are fascinated by our ability to do that?
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
Had I known, I would have had a much more interesting dating life way back when.
subWOW
February 8, 2011
I LOVE this post. I just love it. Now I need to check out a sleeping bra. I am always a bit stressed out when I am at the in-laws because like you I go bra-less when I am in my sleep attire. So what to do at night when I stay up and have my own mini Law&Order marathon? (They have Dish)
Ok. Is this all just TMI? Well, you started it!
😉
lifeintheboomerlane
February 8, 2011
Listen, if I set myself up as the Sleep Attire Therapist, I have to be prepared to hear all kind of things. It’s like being a regular therapist, only I get to hear a lot more about boobs.