Why People Shave Cats

Every summer, there is a repeating scenario. Life in the Boomer Lane begins to notice that she is avoiding petting Miracle the Cat (even more so than usual), because the slightest touch will release a shower of cat hair all around her and she will be walking around in a perpetual state of cat hair up her nose. If you are thinking, “Why isn’t she just using a cat hair brush ten times a day?” there is an outstanding reason for this. She is lazy. There is no other reason needed.

Time to shave the cat.

Now Husband and LBL put it off for as long as they could.  They knew what was in store. They pretended they were not walking around in a whirl of fur.  Miracle the Cat, in a perverse attempt to seal her own doom, decided to nest in the antique red Chinese chest that sits next to their bed and where LBL stores her cold weather gym clothes and sleepwear. They remain there, clean, folded, ready for next season. Within hours, Miracle turned the clothes into a furry mess.

REALLY time to shave the cat.

It is only at times like this that we have observed fully functioning brain cells in Miracle. Normally, she is oblivious to pretty much everything around her, including, in recent years, the next door neighbor’s cat. But as soon as LBL and NH verbalized the words “groom” and “shave,” she began lurking in corners. The call to the groomer was made. On appointment day, Miracle ran to the front door. They refused to open it. The cat carrier was brought up from the basement and placed on the table. Miracle made a vain attempt to melt into the space under the family room coffee table.

Suddenly, Miracle was gone. As in really gone. She had gotten past them and through the cat door leading to the basement. LBL knew exactly where she would be: in the far recesses of the partially dug out part of the basement. The last time a human being went back there was 1995 and he was being paid handsomely to do it. A trip down to the basement confirmed it. Two beady eyes stared back at LBL across the dirt No Man’s Land. The look on her face said, “I will be here until Republicans and Democrats in Congress agree on all issues.”

The appointment was cancelled.

LBL was told by the grooming salon to get Miracle the Cat to their office anytime before 2PM and they would take her. It was a waiting game. LBL and NH outlasted her. After about three hours of sitting in the exact same spot, Miracle the Cat cautiously made her way back upstairs. LBL and NH were ready. They had covered the carrier with a large towel, so as to disguise it as a cat carrier covered with a large towel. Miracle the Cat was fooled. Sort of.

LBL and NH chased her around the house, managed to throw a towel over her, wrap her up completely in it and deposit her into the cat carrier. The rest is history.

Until next year.