Cats Flying Off the Roof of My Car

Posted on July 7, 2010

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Miracle the Cat is the latest in a long line of cats Life in the Boomer Lane has had that she has really had no part in acquiring.  There’s not one thing she can say about Miracle or about any of my other cats that would be worth reading.  Writers far more clever than she is have said it all, and cat lovers the world over have filled thousands of pages with the wily antics of their pets (“Perky ran after a ball of twine!” “Mootsie is so cute when she sleeps all curled up!” “Fluffy thinks the rubber mouse is real!”)

Miracle is a Cat.  Period.  She sleeps, she eats and drinks, she goes in and out about 100 times a day.  LBL really don’t expect her to do much more than that because someone told her that cats have been evolving for a shorter length of time than dogs, so if LBL wanted her to do dog-like things she should check back with her in about a million years, give or take. (Note to Cat Lovers: Please don’t send LBL comments about your cat responding to countless commands, counting to 10 or being more intelligent than your eight-year-old.  Unless your cat sends the comment herself, I won’t be impressed.).

In her entire life, and LBL have been her guardian for most of that time, Miracle has only done one thing of note.  She likes to sleep on the ragtop of LBL’s car.  Big deal, you say.  Right.  One day, LBL was late for an appointment and was totally distracted.  She threw everything into the car, backed out of the driveway and turned onto Lee Hwy, where she was traveling at a fairly rapid clip.  Suddenly, an upside-down cat head appeared on her windshield directly in front of her face.  As this was not part of LBL’s plan for the day, she was, to put it mildly, a bit startled.  She couldn’t stop because of the traffic, and the cat head refused to move.  LBL tried to assess if she could detect the slightest bit of sheer terror in the cat’s eyes, but Miracle looked exactly the same as she always did.  Except upside down.

By this time, LBL was a wreck.  Her heart was pounding.  She assumed one of two things would happen: Either Miracle would eventually go flying off the car, causing a huge pile up behind LBL, or LBL would crash into something because her entire line of vision was being taken over by an upside down cat head.  Either possibility was not something LBL had the time to do that day.

LBL actually started making faces at the cat, sticking her tongue out, pointing her finger, waving her hand.  She did anything she could to get Miracle’s attention, so maybe she would move her head out of LBL’s line of sight.  Uh uh.  Miracle reacted to all of the motions in the same way she reacted to everything, which is to say she didn’t react at all.

LBL finally managed to slow down, get the car turned around and make it back to her driveway.  Miracle never moved.  Once LBL parked the car, Miracle calmly jumped off, did that weird shaky thing cats do with their tails, and sauntered down the driveway to inspect the backyard for the 20th time that morning.  LBL, on the other hand, had to reschedule her appointment and lie down in bed to recover.  When she had calmed myself down enough, she made another attempt to be productive.  She went outside, and of course, Miracle was on the roof of the car again.  LBL considered buying a second car.

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Posted in: cats, commentary, humor, satire