Bad Hombres

Posted on October 20, 2016

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Watching the debate last night, Life in the Boomer Lane was stunned to hear Donald Trump say what sounded suspiciously like “bad hombres,” in reference to his assertion that The Wall will be all that stands between us and annihilation by the unwashed masses that are clamoring to overrun our southern border, in order to trade in their tacos for a seat at the Golden Corral Buffet.

Specifically, LBL was stunned to see Trump’s outstanding grasp of a foreign language, as well as his ability to speak a coherent bi-lingual phrase. But, she’ll admit, that initially, she wasn’t sure she had heard correctly. Surely, the phrase must have been something else.  She considered the possibilities:

“bad ombres” If this is what Trump actually said, LBL has to agree with him. The ombre hair phenomenon, in which hair goes from from dark to light or from light to dark, is not only passe, it’s borderline insulting. And it’s very likely that, while Hillary was talking immigration, Trump was thinking hair fashion and deciding to take a public stand about this. On that, LBL says, “I’m with him”

“bah humbug”  Had Trump been trying to subtly locate his water glass while Hillary was speaking, he may have allowed his frustration to get the better of him and mutter “Bah, humbug.”. This would have been an appropriate response. His water glass was placed so low, in fact, that Trump seemed to disappear for at least five minutes behind the podium and cause serious concern on the part of LBL, until he popped back up again, water glass firmly in hand.

“bad umbrage” This would have been a socially acceptable way for Trump to express his displeasure of Hillary’s immmmigration policy as it pertained to our southern neighbors. The use of the word “umbrage”, alone, would have elevated Trump’s vocabulary by at least four grade levels.

“bad hung bras” This could very well have been Trump’s retort to Hillary, rivalling the  phrase “nasty woman.”  But, in Hillary’s defence, LBL has seen no evidence of a bad hung bra, and trust her, she has looked.

“bad ouvres” This might have been Trump’s English/French mash up, rather than English/Spanish. Here, again, LBL is on board. A bad body of artistic output is almost as bad as a bad hung bra. But, if Trump was referring to Hillary, LBL knows of no time the woman would have in her schedule to produce even a short rhyme, let alone a large body of artistic work

“bad home brews” Bad home brews are an issue that few people speak about, mainly because home-brewed beer is cheap, plentiful, and you can drink it in your pajamas and never have to leave the house. As Trump is a non-drinker, and, as it is difficut to imagine the man wearing pajamas under any circumstances, LBL believes that he wouldn’t have used this phrase. But it sounds like “bad hombres” and so she decided to throw it in.

All that is to say that bad hombres or not, LBL believe we should move on from this, as there are far more pressing issues facing the American people.  The most important of these is the fact that “bigly,” a word used by Trump, is an actual word that exists in the English language.  (Readers Note: After the first presidential debate, Eric Trump told The Hollywood Reporter that his father had said “big league,” and not “bigly.”  LBL demands that Trump come clean with this, and take ownership of what, exactly, he said.)

LBL doesn’t know when the word “bigly” would have snuck into the language, but she bets it was because there was no one guarding the vocabulary border. She proposes a Vocabulary Wall, high enough and long enough to prevent subsequent undocumented words from sneaking in and creating mayhem among our unsuspecting (and mostly defenceless) legal words. We owe it to the American people.

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