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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »rant«
Armed and Cuddly
Every once in awhile, when the Real World pokes its ugly red bulbous snot-infested nose into my perfect little delusional world, I have to take time out to address issues that make me barf. So, when I found the following offer from a company called “Living Social” pop up in my email, I took pen in […]
Foreign Accent Syndrome
May 5, 2011
I have just been informed of something out there that is waiting to strike me down. Along with global warming, snakehead fish, killer bees, the IRS, and Donald Trump, I now fear FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME. According to the Today Show, Karen Butler, a woman from Oregon (Oregon, for god’s sake) went in for routine oral surgery […]
I’ll Have Two Elf Ears and a Side of Bacon
April 19, 2011
Thanks to AARP, I have been alerted to a new trend in man’s ongoing quest for perfection: elf ears. AARP states that “Body modification artists cut the tops of young people’s ears and sew them back together in a pointed shape.” The segment is titled, “Ah, Youth! Sometimes we don’t miss it.” I don’t […]
Snooki Speaks at Rutgers University
April 4, 2011
I have my blog post written for today. I’m not going to use it. On my way to the gym, I listened to someone talking about Snooki, the squat, always-drunk member of the “Jersey Shore” TV reality show and car-wreck-in-progress cast. On Thursday, she spoke at Rutgers University. She was paid $32,000 to do so. She told […]
The Monetization of Hopscotch
April 1, 2011
Seriously. Life in the Boomer Lane has never, even in a drug-induced Happyland stupor while seated in Dr Gerald’s dental chair, ever thought about blogging about Hopscotch. Come on now. Hopscotch? Is there a more basic children’s game? Yes, there is. That one where you hide something in your hand and shove both fists in front […]
Lost in Space
March 30, 2011
Actual items LBL has lost, which are now orbiting the earth According to Newsweek, NASA scientists want to build a cheap, earthbound laser that could zap away the “space junk” orbiting the earth. The zapper wouldn’t make the items disappear. Rather it would simply push the debris further out into space, so that incoming spacecraft […]
Taxes and Other Communicable Diseases
March 14, 2011
“She didn’t make her quarterlies on time.” This year, I sailed breezily through tax preparation time. No fretting, no anguish. This is because I was entirely too busy making cute cuff bracelets to focus on doing any prep work in anticipation of visiting the tax preparer. When, on Tuesday, I finally removed the glue that had […]
The Rite of Spring
March 8, 2011
Most people know it’s spring because of sudden, all consuming, uncontrollable thoughts of love. Or the sight of the first shock of color against a grey-smeared landscape. Or the heady, intoxicating, sweetly ephemeral scent of the air. Not Life in the Boomer Lane. She knows it’s spring because the ants are back in her pantry. Over the […]
Fat Pets and Fatter Wallets
February 23, 2011
Now Husband Dan decided to ruin my day by sending me an article from the March/April issue of Mother Jones magazine. This article distracted me from my alarm at learning on TV that there is a Fat Pet Epidemic. Half of all US cats and dogs are now considered obese. I immediately asked Miracle the […]
Women in Packaging
February 17, 2011
The title of this post doesn’t refer to Angelina Jolie action figures or to or females with all of their body parts squished into Spanx. Women in Packaging, Inc is “an international, nonprofit, professional packaging organization dedicated to the growth and success of packaging professionals.” There. Now you know. In addition to Women in Packaging, […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
June 2, 2011
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