Actual items LBL has lost, which are now orbiting the earth
According to Newsweek, NASA scientists want to build a cheap, earthbound laser that could zap away the “space junk” orbiting the earth. The zapper wouldn’t make the items disappear. Rather it would simply push the debris further out into space, so that incoming spacecraft wouldn’t crash into anything. This is much the same way Life in the Boomer Lane prepares her home for social events.
While LBL understands the need for tidiness in space just as much as the next person (You certainly wouldn’t want to have a Space Party with a lot of stuff flying around, smacking people on the head), she’s a bit concerned that certain items of personal interest might be floating out there, along with all the space debris. These would be primarily all of her lost items that somehow found their way out into space.
LBL had already read another article in Newsweek, telling her that “a group of scientists expects to be able to make objects disappear into thin air within the century.” They do this with the use of “invisibility goggles.” LBL could have saved these guys a lot of money and taught them how to make things disappear for real.
If something can be created, LBL can lose it. In fact, LBL can lose it so efficiently that sometimes, when she writes down something like an important phone number for example, she already imagines it lost. LBL placed a pair of earrings on the top of a dresser once. They were the only items on the dresser. The next morning, one of the earrings was gone. LBL sat at the dining room table one day, and she felt an earring slip out of her ear. It vaporized. If there is a poltergeist following her around, it is clearly one who has only one ear.
The list goes on and on: earrings, rings, bracelets, cell phones, wallets, keys, clothing, books, a Daytimer, several months of her life (from losing the Daytimer), really important tax documentation, large checks (small ones never get lost,) photos, credit cards, store receipts, a car (it was found), computer data, her virginity (OK, she’ll let that one go), glasses, contact lenses, her oldest child (he came back), a marriage (It didn’t), several body parts, weight (It came back), collagen (It didn’t), her eyebrows and pubic hair, money, the ability to remember a joke, the thread of numerous conversations, things flying off the roof of her car (including a cat.)
Nothing was ever found (except the car and the kid and the weight and the cat). That rule of science “Matter can neither be created nor destroyed” means that these still-missing items have to be somewhere, right? So LBL says there’s a pretty good chance the lost items are orbiting the earth, along with old satellites, rocket stages, and freeze-dried food packaging that were most likely tossed out the window. LBL just wants a chance to see if anything out there belongs to her, before they zap everything and make it even more difficult for her to find.
Although it would be swell to find all of her lost items, the Daytimer would have to be Number 1 on the list. When LBL lost that, she lost everything she was supposed to do for the rest of the year. She’s always wondered what March-December 1999 would have been like, had she been able to actually experience it. She bets it would have been great. She needs to get those months back from space.
run4joy59
March 30, 2011
too funny…I always blame the cat when I lose things…she’s a little thief and I think she may have a little terrorist in her gene pool as well!!
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Thanks for visiting my universe (of lost items). Funny! It may, indeed, be the cat but she is then tossing the items into outer space, don’t you think?
jacquelincangro
March 30, 2011
George Carlin used to say that when you get to heaven they give you back all the stuff you ever lost. It’s just all waiting in a box in the lost & found. So maybe you will see that Daytimer again! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Ooooh, that would be great. But would they let me go back and relive those months of missed appointments?
Kathryn McCullough
March 30, 2011
Sounds EXACTLY like my life! We suffer from the same affliction–the inversion of a one-eared lost and found!
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Funny. Yes. I have the world’s largest collection of single earrings.
Lisa
March 30, 2011
So funny. I think all the lost stuff is having a party in an alternate universe. 😉
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
I hadn’t thought of that. My Daytimer is probably the life of the party.
writerwoman61
March 30, 2011
Another funny post, Renée! I have gotten great amusement from your stories of lost items!
Jim’s the one who loses stuff at our house…I hardly ever lose things because I always put things in the same place every time (because I’m anal – this doesn’t mean my house is clean though – I’m only anal about my stuff!).
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
And just because you get such joy from these, I will continue to lose things! Hey listen, I can put something down in front of me and two seconds later it’s gone. How does that happen?
1959duke
March 30, 2011
How funny. This is like members of Congress and the debt. Everything gets lost in it.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
And that comment was funny!
Mrs. H.
March 30, 2011
Too, too funny! I had this experience last week at the library and it freaked me out…I’m so glad I’m not alone. I was in the stacks on the eerily quiet fourth floor (okay, okay, it’s designated as the quiet study floor), and I had a little Post-It note with a couple call numbers scribbled on it in my hand. As I meandered through the aisles, I hit my hand on a book that was jutting out and dropped the Post-It note. I literally spun around (years of losing contact lenses has taught me not to really move, just pivot) and the Post-It note was nowhere. Nowhere! I looked on the offending book’s cover. I searched the carpet around me. I peered in between the stacks themselves with my keychain flashlight. I checked all over my bag. I checked my clothes, rear included. I checked the bottoms of my shoes. (Okay, I’ll admit that I even checked my hand…twice.) I felt insane. I probably looked insane (the security camera footage has got to be hysterical). Defeated by the Fourth Floor Back Hole, I walked away from that aisle and continued searching for my books (attempting to remember the call numbers on my own)…but I couldn’t help “sneaking up” on the aisle at least two more times, hoping that I might be able to find the Post-It note on the floor. No such luck.
I’m just waiting for that Post-It note to appear on my office desk. I’ll go straight into therapy if that happens.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Sadly, I can totally relate to this. The freakiest are always things that disappear while I am holding them in my hand. I wrote a post once about losing keys, https://lifeintheboomerlane.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/im-losing-it/ where keys disappeared while they were in my hand. or so it seemed until the mystery was solved.
Amy
March 30, 2011
Funny how the things we don’t want tend to always come back – weight, worries, bills (they just keep sending more!!)
For the rest of it, I blame worm-holes. Some alien a galaxy away is swimming in single earrings and cell phones. I prefer to believe this, because the thought of my lost stuff orbiting the Earth is too frustrating. It’s right there, in our orbit, yet it might as well be a billion miles away. You could look at it through a telescope if you wanted. I like thinking some alien is having fun with my stuff, instead.
Those “invisibility goggles” sound kind of scary if you ask me.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
“Some alien a galaxy away is swimming in single earrings and cell phones.” Hilarious.
Swanlady
March 30, 2011
I laughed out loud – first from reading the post and then as I read the comments – favs are Duke and Mrs H 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Thanks! And I love that the tragic losses of my life provide others with amusement. Yes, Duke’s comment is great, as is Mrs H’s library fiasco. I laughed at all the comments.
deliriouslydivine
March 30, 2011
I don’t even want to think about lost things, for fear it’ll just cause more! For me, that is. Great post, as always.
As I reflect on this I think we should rejoice that the bra is an all in one thing.. imagine losing just half?
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Oh yikes, that’s a horrible thought.
Artswebshow
March 30, 2011
I’m pretty sure my old harmonica is floating around there somehow.
I say, when you get your stuff back you have to take a shopping trolley. lol
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Hey, Art, thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane. If I ever get up there, I’ll look for your harmonica.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
March 30, 2011
I see there’s a comment mentioning George Carlin. Here’s another quote of his that’s a favorite of mine which might apply here:
“Frisbeetarianism: the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof where no one can retrieve it.”
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
The man was a comic genius. And sexy.
Elly Lou
March 30, 2011
You know what else I’d like to see orbiting the Earth way out in space and without oxygen? Rod Stewart. Yay.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
I had something in my mouth and almost spewed it across the keyboard.
Elly Lou
March 31, 2011
The mere mention of his name makes me do that, too.
Thomas
March 30, 2011
If there is anything you’ve lost that you are still looking for I have it on good authority that it is in my mother’s attic. Everything ends up there sooner or later, except of course my baseball cards, which were the only things that were ever thrown out.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 30, 2011
Would you ask her if she has my Daytimer and my mother’s engagement ring?
carldagostino
March 31, 2011
My ex was very good at making things disappear into thin air: the contents of my wallet and my sanity.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 31, 2011
I’ve heard others say the same about their ex’s. I hope you, at least, got your sanity back.
Tori Nelson
March 31, 2011
“This is much the same way I prepare my home for social events.” Haha!
lifeintheboomerlane
March 31, 2011
Thanks, Tori!
Jennifer
March 31, 2011
Jacquelincangro and George Carlin are right…you will see it again…
Great blog! Bravo!
Choose Happiness!
Jennifer
lifeintheboomerlane
March 31, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane, Jennifer, and for commenting. I took a look at your blog. Like you, I believe happiness is a choice. I also believe we create our own reality, so we can create whatever reality empowers us to live in our vision for our lives. Much success to you in your blogging!
happykidshappymom
March 31, 2011
Funny! I believe that lost things have a way of reappearing, eventually. Hopefully your day-planner will resurface one day, and you’ll have a double March to December to enjoy.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
That would be pretty amazing. I might have to buy a bigger house. But the extra months will be great.
territerri
March 31, 2011
I lost one of the cordless phones once. It went missing for about 3 months. Then one day I decided that I needed to vacuum inside the deep recesses of the furniture. (I have teenagers. You could probably feed a third world country off the food particles that get lost down in the cushions.) The vacuum hose suctioned all kinds of interesting things from the furniture. Not only were there food crumbs, candy wrappers, small change, my daughter’s necklace and lip balms. There was a cordless phone down there too!
Now if NASA would point that zapper in the direction of my son’s bedroom, you wouldn’t hear me complaining.
lifeintheboomerlane
April 1, 2011
Oh, so funny. I can totally relate. I’m still finding things, years after they have left home.
sunshineinlondon
April 3, 2011
Well, Renee, if you ever lose an ear you can retrieve all the singles and keep looking beautiful!
Hugs from London
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
April 3, 2011
That must be the true definition of an optimist. Think that’s why Cezanne did it? Hey, can you exercise all of your powers to make airfare dip below $1000?