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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire«
We have stuff. Like earrings with a lot of breasts.
In my quest to come up with more activities than one human being can possibly engage in without making a dime, I have started making cuff bracelets. Since I have already purchased my new spring wardrobe (The sleeping bra. Remember?), I am now purchasing metal cuffs, ribbons, glue, and vintage buttons and earrings for embellishment. I […]
I Get Royalties and You Don’t
February 10, 2011
It’s that time of year, the annual arrival of the 1099 with the year’s royalties I have received for my novel. I’ll pause for you to take this in. MY NOVEL. As in, I WROTE A NOVEL. AND I GET ROYALTIES. So, you may wonder, how did this amazing and spectacular thing come about? When […]
The Man’s Guide to Dating After 50
February 9, 2011
Boomers, like many other people, feel the need to develop close, nurturing relationships with another human being, as well as to occasionally get a free meal at a nice restaurant. For this reason, Time reports that people over the age of 45 have stampeded in record numbers to online dating sites. Internet dating can lead […]
A man spreads his legs…
February 7, 2011
at an office party. He is seated in a chair and you are standing nearby, looking in his direction. He points to one knee and says “This is Thanksgiving.” He points to the other knee and says, “This is Christmas.” Then he asks, “Why not visit me between the holidays?” The above was part of […]
Increasing Your Intelligence Without Being A Threat to Trees
February 5, 2011
There’s been a lot of hot research going lately about just exactly what it is that makes people smart. That is, aside from basic genetic make up, unique life experiences, and finally figuring out how to do the self-checkout at the supermarket. Scientists are now looking at what we can do to increase brain activity. […]
Fashion Begins At Home
February 3, 2011
Now Husband Dan will tell you (as will the mailman, random neighbors, Girl Scout cookie vendors, and UPS delivery people) that I am wont to change into my sleeping attire at any hour of the day, as long as I know I’m not leaving the house again. Sleep attire for me consists of an assortment […]
Rogue Rules
February 2, 2011
For well over a year, I’ve been writing a humor column for an online newspaper. The newspaper has rules it wants their writers to follow, and I’ve been pretty good at ignoring virtually all of them. Until recently, it didn’t seem to matter. I posted my articles, they got printed, and very occasionally someone might […]
YKAJMiB!RK1!
January 31, 2011
We all now live at the bottom of an unruly, festering and ever-growing mountain of passwords and pins. I, personally, have run through the names of my entire family, all past bra sizes, and the names of at least three of my ill-fated turtles in elementary school in an attempt to come up with a […]
There she is, Miss America…
January 15, 2011
This evening, the Miss America Pageant is prepared to stomp dance on our faces once again, with its laminated toothy smiles and stiletto heels. Oh whoops, am I being too hard on this tattered piece of Americana? You bet. I grew up with Miss America, and I have watched her slide from pure goodness and […]
The U-bend of Life
January 14, 2011
Last month, the cover of the Economist Magazine shrieked “The Joy of Growing Old (or why life begins at 46).” Needless to say, this caught Life in the Boomer Lane’s eye, while she was in the drugstore looking for nighttime panty liners. She bought the magazine, in spite of the actual article being titled “The U-Bend […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
February 15, 2011
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