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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All Posts filed under »satire«
Really Important Stuff That Happened When I Was Gone
June 20, 2012
Because the sum total of the money I have made from blogging approximates that of the current Greek GNP, and because I like to engage in frivolous activities like paying the mortgage, I decided to focus on my real estate career for a while, instead of on my keyboard. Stepping back from blogging for a […]
Divorce, Boomer Style
June 12, 2012
NPR has reported today that, after 115 years together, one couple is calling it quits. Bibi and Poldi are giant tortoises who bonded when they were young. But after more than a century together, Bibi decided she’d had enough. She began biting her partner’s shell. The staff at the Austrian zoo said they’re not sure what caused […]
How to Sell to Boomer Women
June 8, 2012
According to eMarketer, “Boomers spend more time and money online than any other demographic. It is estimated that 78.2% of this cohort, or nearly 60 million adults, is online. Even as their numbers decline, that penetration rate (their words, not the words of this writer) will remain high through 2015. And they control more than […]
Wife Swap: Things I Wish I Didn’t Know
May 22, 2012
Editor’s note: The act of blogging follows a consistent path. There is the coming up of ideas; the writing of ideas; the hiding under the table while one weeps; the drinking of coffee laced with rum; the self-loathing followed by self-congratulating and then more self-loathing; the watching of TV; the shaking of the fist at […]
How to Look Great When You Travel
May 21, 2012
For those of you who operate at a higher level than worrying about remembering to pack enough snack food, More Magazine offers an article titled “How to Travel Chic—And in Comfort.” Michael Kors, world-famous celeb designer and judge on the hit TV reality show, Project Runway, offers his top 5 favorite tips for air travel: […]
How to Find the Perfect Swimsuit
May 15, 2012
Let’s start off with the following disclaimer: The title of this post is about as likely to occur as being asked by George Clooney to an all-you-can eat chocolate festival. Writing a piece about the horrors of swimsuit shopping is about as unique as writing about dieting. And, like dieting, it’s doomed to get really boring. […]
Hillary Clinton: Face Off
May 10, 2012
Hillary Clinton, in an event generating even more negative feedback than her 1993 national health care debacle, has appeared in public with minimal makeup, glasses, and au natural hair. The shocking occurrence took place during an official event in Bangladesh, part of her current diplomatic tour throughout Asia. In an act that brazenly flaunted common […]
The Language of Love
May 8, 2012
It is commonly assumed that the most powerful words in creating relationship consist of one of the following: “Oh my, yes, ooooooh.” “Hmmmm, baby, you taste so fine.” “You make me hot all over ohmygoddoesallthatbelongtoyou?!” Shockingly, this is not the case. James Pennebaker, a psychologist who studies the use of pronouns has determined that pronouns […]
Americans Can’t Afford Health Care (Except for Me)
May 1, 2012
Blogging has resulted in my drawing people to me with interesting proposals. Most of these involve an attempt to place various body parts into other body parts and would result in their incarceration if I took their offers seriously and notified the local constabulary. But then there are the real folks who ask me to […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
Where is Your Placenta Buried?
June 28, 2012
33
In a piece titled Vanishing Voices, the current issue of National Geographic presents five languages across the globe that are on the verge of becoming extinct. According to NatGeo, “one language dies every 14 days. By the next century nearly half of the roughly 14,000 languages spoken on earth will likely disappear…” The evolution of language […]