Life in the Boomer Lane’s last post concerned death. This one does, as well. Lest you think LBL has changed her blog to Death in the Boomer Lane, let her assure you this isn’t the case. After today’s post, LBL will return once again to less weighty issues, in which she can incorporate satire, immaturity, and coffee Haagen Dazs (which involves weight, but not weighty.)
*****
Ezekiel Emanuel has written a provocative piece in this month’s Atlantic, titled “Why I Hope to Die at 75.” Emanuel, age 57, makes it clear that he has no plans to end his life at age 75. His piece simply presents, in a pretty compelling way, the reality of life after 75 for most people and the consequences of extending life farther and father beyond that point. His message is clear: Death at age 75 is a loss. So is life after age 75.
If you are now sputtering and foaming at the mouth, either because you are rapidly approaching age 75 or because you have lots of evidence of people around you who are well older and still living the good life, I say settle down. Yes, our lives are getting longer, and yes, both society and pharmaceutical companies promote the idea of seniors living healthily and happily until some moment in the distant future, when they will vanish in some kind of pain-free poof, most likely while salsa dancing on a Caribbean cruise ship. But the reality is a bit different.
As Emanuel says, “It is true that compared with their counterparts 50 years ago, seniors today are less disabled and more mobile. But over recent decades, increases in longevity seem to have been accompanied by increases in disability—not decreases…health care hasn’t slowed the aging process so much as it has slowed the dying process. And, as my father demonstrates, the contemporary dying process has been elongated. Death usually results from the complications of chronic illness—heart disease, cancer, emphysema, stroke, Alzheimer’s, diabetes.”
That’s the nutshell. We have the ability to cheat death, but there is a cost. And sometimes that cost is high, both in terms of dollars and personal comfort. As Emanuel puts it, ” So American immortals may live longer than their parents, but they are likely to be more incapacitated. Does that sound very desirable? Not to me.”
Here are some hard facts, according to Emanuel: Right now approximately 5 million Americans over 65 have Alzheimer’s; one in three Americans 85 and older has Alzheimer’s. And the prospect of that changing in the next few decades is not promising. We still have no cure. Instead of predicting a cure in the foreseeable future, many researchers are warning of a tsunami of dementia—a nearly 300 percent increase in the number of older Americans with dementia by 2050.
Half the population over age 80 have functional limitations. Most have experienced a major erosion of their creative and productive abilities. Again, according to Emanuel, “We accommodate our physical and mental limitations. Our expectations shrink. Aware of our diminishing capacities, we choose ever more restricted activities and projects, to ensure we can fulfill them. Indeed, this constriction happens almost imperceptibly. Over time, and without our conscious choice, we transform our lives. We don’t notice that we are aspiring to and doing less and less. And so we remain content, but the canvas is now tiny. The American immortal, once a vital figure in his or her profession and community, is happy to cultivate avocational interests, to take up bird watching, bicycle riding, pottery, and the like. And then, as walking becomes harder and the pain of arthritis limits the fingers’ mobility, life comes to center around sitting in the den reading or listening to books on tape and doing crossword puzzles. And then …”
I hear some of you shouting and see you foaming at the mouth, hurling examples of elderly people you know who are still driving and working and creating and being vital. I know those people, as well. I am in awe of them, and I want to be them at that age. But they are in the minority. And I am still 10+ years away from the ages Emanuel speaks of. But if I am very honest with myself, I can sit back and take stock of the things I can no longer do. It’s a long list. It’s getting longer.
Has my own life diminished? Physically, absolutely. Creatively, thank goodness not. In all other ways that count? Mostly not. I simply avoid stairs and inclines when I can. I can no longer dance all night. I hesitate to get down on the floor with my young grandchildren. I can no longer carry the volume of clients I used to. I am finding it more difficult to remember the material I read. The bottom line is that I can see clearly exactly what Emanuel is saying. The future used to be a bright and shiny object. It is now a bit dark and scary. And it is getting closer. Every single day.
Like Emanuel, I have no plans to end my life at age 75. If I am one of the lucky ones, I will continue to make concessions. But I will still be independent and my health issues will not severely compromise the quality of my life. On the other hand, I know certain things. I know that given the opportunity to extend my life for a few months or a year by taking a debilitating form of chemo, I would choose to not take it. I know that in the face of extreme pain and suffering, with no possible relief, and with continuing decline a certainty, I would choose to end my life. I know that a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s would result in some hard thinking.
Unlike Emanuel, I will continue to get flu shots, have diagnostic tests, and see a specialist if my internist advises. But in the face of negative results, I may well choose not to go forward with treatment. For me, it comes down to having a choice about the quality of my life and my ability to leave this life with as much dignity as I can.
Obviously, I can only speak for myself. I respect those of you who know vibrant, healthy old people. I respect those of you who care for parents with dementia or other debilitating diseases and would never consider ending their lives. I respect those of you who know cancer patients who endured horrific treatment and are now cancer-free. I respect those of you who say you are healthier, more vibrant, more creative, more intellectually sharp than you have ever been before. I applaud all of you.
Like Emanuel, “I retain the right to change my mind and offer a vigorous and reasoned defense of living as long as possible. That, after all, would mean still being creative after 75.”
For LBL, personally, the greatest losses would be her creativity, her sense of humor, and her ability to read. So as long as her blog posts pop up on your screen every now and then, she’s still here.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
katecrimmins
October 10, 2014
A thought provoking post — The last 9 months of my mother’s life were a living hell for her. Not in terms of pain but because she knew she was losing it. She had a low level of dementia but it was enough to curb her independence. She also had other physical issues. There were many nights that I stayed with her and she prayed to die. Fortunately it was only 9 months and most of the angst was the last 3. Her death taught me many lessons. One is that I’m gonna die. (Yes, I know that sounds stupid but you don’t think about it.) Another is that I need to simplify my life as I age because she waited too long to do that. The last is to make certain that people know your end of life wishes or you will put an incredible burden on the family to make decisions they don’t want to. Oddly enough she was 75 when she died.
wendykarasin
October 10, 2014
Great point, Kate – about the burden we place on our loved ones when they don’t know our end-of-life wishes. This is why I am passionate about end-of-life conversation – which is not a hot topic in the United States.
katecrimmins
October 10, 2014
I certainly understand. And it’s not only end of life but financial too. I finally got my mother to write a will (at home without a lawyer) 3 weeks before she died. I didn’t understand her reluctance at the time (she knew she was very ill) but now I am waffling on it myself.
wendykarasin
October 10, 2014
I agree. I wrote a will a long time ago, it’s always tough to think about, but I see no advantage in procrastinating. It doesn’t get any easier, and we get a chance to think about the tough issues and how we want them to play out.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I put off the will writing for awhile. Once it was done, there was a huge sense of relief. (And, contrary to what I believed, I didn’t immediately drop dead just because I wrote a will.)
wendykarasin
October 10, 2014
Ha! The stress relief alone probably gave you another ten years!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Thank you for these great comments Kate. This is a conversation we all need to have with our families, as well as executing a living will.
betzcee
October 11, 2014
My mother went into a dementia care centre at age 81 and died there at 88. We can only guess how long she managed to hide her condition before she could not any more, or what she was feeling while doing so. She had always told us to “Just shoot me,” if she ever became disabled in that way, but of course that was impossible. We as a family and as individuals, and even I, a nurse who has cared for the demented for years, learned so much during that terrible time. We learned lots of clinical stuff to be sure, but we learned patience and compassion as well. We learned that our mother loved us, something that she never told us when she had control of her thoughts and words. Some of us learned to accept the inevitable end to life. All of it is immeasurably valuable.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2014
Your sentence “We learned that our mother loved us, something that she never told us when she had control of her thoughts and words” is riveting. I’ve read this sentence over and over. What a gift to you, in the face of such tragedy.
KM Huber
October 10, 2014
I am with you and Emanuel. Seventy-five seems a reasonable number and for some, as you say, that number is higher before life is defined by what one cannot do. As one who has lived with chronic illness for 37 of her 62 years, I know the quality of life argument quite well. Four years ago, I left Western medicine and have never regretted it. Just recently, I found traditional Chinese medicine, and for me, it has meant wondrous things. Ironically, I am in better shape at 62, physically and mentally, than I was for most of my life. I live in the moment, and for me, that is enough. Great post!
Karen
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Thanks, Karen. I am delighted that you found an alternative medicine that has helped you. No one path works for everyone, but unless we have open minds, we can get stuck following a path that definitely doesn’t work.
menomama3
October 10, 2014
I want to comment but I don’t want to comment. I want to say I’ll defy the odds, but the stats are so clearly stacked against this want. Agree with everything Kate said especially about having a living will. Good post. Think I’ll take the dog for a walk now and do a little bird-watching.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Few of us defy the odds. Whether or not I do, I want to live a life of purpose and to positively impact the lives of those I love. And, at the end, to die with dignity.
wendykarasin
October 10, 2014
Again, this post resonates. Not only in the regard that I believe discussion on death and dying is healthy for all involved (especially our children and/or loved ones who will understand how to honor our last requests) but with the awareness that the extension of life brings with it its own set of concerns and morality.
My mother chose to stop chemotherapy when the time allotment for treatment quadrupled and additional drugs were added to her IV. The suffering involved outweighed the desire to remain alive. I do not believe her case to be an isolated one. My father had different circumstances, but we all would want, given the option, dignity in those final days. And that dignity comes from another.
One of the greatest gifts my parents’ gave me, was allowing me to be in that inner circle, at the end, to help them carry out their final wishes. It ripped me apart but also expanded me in ways that have altered my life for the better.
Thanks for writing about an important (and difficult) topic, and one close to my heart.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Wendy, your parents’ final days were filled with your love and devotion. You allowed them to die with dignity. No parent could ask for more.
wendykarasin
October 10, 2014
Thank you. Even though I know this, it feels good to hear (read) it.
ninamishkin
October 10, 2014
Boy, does this one piss me off! So I should have died eight years ago — depriving my now nearly 87-year-old partner of eight years of travel and loving and learning together? Depriving the world (gasp!) of “The Getting Old Blog” (begun at 82), depriving my four grandchildren of lots of tickles, and giggles, and …presents? What’s so terrible about a few shots in the knees from a friendly physiatrist in order to continue to mount the stairs without too much stiffness or too many aches, or even cataract-replacement surgery (an out-patient procedure) in order to continue to devour great literature, savor great art, or even enjoy watching crappy movies on Netflix while holding hands over the silky cat cuddled between?
Yes, it’s statistically true that one out of two of us (not one out of three) who make it to 85 will develop Alzheimers, and what you say about confronting that horror speaks to me. What you say about weighing the benefits of flooding your body with the poison of chemo in the hopes of a remission of cancer is also true. But these are not compelling reasons for hoping to die at 75 unless the only reasons for living are one’s productive value to the state. There are all kinds of pain and suffering throughout life, even when young enough to be equipped with great shoulders and six-pack abs, if male, or a really hot bod, if female. I didn’t read Ezekiel E.’s piece in the Atlantic because anything with a title like that sets up a false dichotomy that warns me off. If it’s really necessary to draw bright lines in the sand, that line should not be drawn between being physically able to run a marathon (all right, a half-marathon) and evident signs of physical decline, but between living as warmly, wisely and lovingly as possible for as long as possible and being a selfish shit at any age.
Go back to Haagen-Daaz and immaturity. There’s nothing like laughter and ice cream to make life worth living!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I believe that Emanuel chose the title he did in order to be provocative. It worked. The piece has gotten a lot of attention, deservedly so. Emanuel has no plans to end his life at 75, and he in no way advocates any selection process or any scale of worth based on value to the state. He makes that very clear. He is merely saying that our society places an emphasis on the length of life, sometimes at the expense of the quality of life. And post 75 or 80, the downside, for many, becomes more obvious. You are a great example of what we all aspire to, being in our 80s (or older) and still being healthy, vibrant, and part of a loving, committed relationship. To have that is a gift that no one would ever give away.
ninamishkin
October 10, 2014
Beautifully said.
praw27
October 10, 2014
You have made EXCELLENT points…I am only 53, yet I have rheumatoid and psoriatic arthritis, both of which have limited my abilities in life. Unless there are improvements in the Quality of life, I do not see prolonging the Quantity of life (beyond 75, I am only wanting to live at this point). I have an Aunt (she deserves caps) who retired at 82, and is now 98! Only in the past 3-4 years did she slow down. If I could have her Quality, I’d want to stick around too!
It ALL comes down to QUALITY…whether it is life, marriage, employment…no one wants to stay in palace where it can never get better. Where there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The difference: we can leave a marriage or job when we choose, it is impossible to make that choice (legally) with our life. But that is a different blog…
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I understand what you are going through. Now Husband has had psoriatic arthritis since his early 20s. His life was filled with terrible pain and permanent loss of use of joints, until he did a ton of research on his own. He is now on a strict anti-inflammatory diet and is able to control his pain with diclophenac, but without the strong injectable meds. He also uses the Amega wand, which is a whole other story. It works for him. Are you on an anti-inflammatory diet? I now believe everybody should eat that way.
mybrightspots
October 10, 2014
I have occasionally smirked at myself (or at least given myself a puzzled expression) for following your blog. I’m (“only”) forty years old, still raising kids, not even thinking seriously about grandkids. You are of my parents’ generation. I don’t even remember how I came across this place. Did you like one of my posts? Did you comment on a post of someone I follow? Does someone I follow follow you and I clicked in curiosity? I don’t know. I have a vague sense that I chose to follow because I found you intelligent, funny, and articulate.
You really struck a chord with me today, regardless of our age difference. My mother is dealing with her mother (88 years old) and her decision to have hip surgery even though the surgery may kill her. My grandmother has (until very recently) been quite vibrant and is still mentally sharp. But she’s wheel chair bound now and starting to tax her children. My mom is frustrated and promising (begging, hoping) to not be the same level of burden.
My mom is finally starting to talk about retirement and I wonder how that will change things. My father-in-law is fighting health issues. A friend is now trying to figure out how to handle her mother-in-law’s broken ankle and the impact that is having on her ability to live alone. Some friends have already buried parents – I buried my stepdad years ago. My husband and I are starting to analyze our parents and siblings to determine who we might end up caring for and how that will impact us.
And on top of it all, I’m recognizing that I, too, am aging. I can’t do everything I used to do. I don’t look anything approaching young anymore. Everything takes longer. I can’t remember or focus as well. My skin breaks or bruises easily. I’m suddenly realizing that I’m not ready to move forward but it’ll happen anyway. Your post brings up some profoundly important points. Thank you very much for your writing and I sincerely hope you stay creatively vibrant for years and years to come.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Whether you found me through another blog or through something someone wrote on the wall of a bathroom stall, I am honored that you checked me out and decided to stay. We are all on the journey, aren’t we? Some of us are farther along, but sometimes we can benefit from watching how their footsteps land. My children are age 34, 38, and 39. They, too, are experiencing an awareness of aging for the first time and they have seen grandparents and the parents of friends of theirs pass on. I hope that they watch me and see real joy in the aging process. I also hope they see that we have to start the conversation early about what we want in the time leading up to the end of our lives. Meanwhile, as long as people like you keep reading, I’ll keep writing.
ammaponders
October 10, 2014
“For me, personally, the greatest losses would be my creativity, my sense of humor, and my ability to read.” Amen!
Such an honest and thought-provoking post. I just printed the Atlantic article and will read it soon.
I’ve had rheumatoid arthritis for 27 years and it has done enough damage to limit me. I agree with the earlier comment–it is about QUALITY of life, not # of years.
One of my daughters is talking about adding a bathroom to the lower level of their house. I think they are preparing for me needing a place to live. No, thanks! But I’m well aware I may not have much control over that at some point.
Thanks for this post.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Read what I wrote to praw27 above. Living with someone who has RA (actually psoriatic arthritis) has been such an eye-opener.
divorce1943
October 10, 2014
Boy, this column hit a nerve! Here I am in my early 70’s and I was going along quite merrily in my 60’s. When the 70’s hit, it hit me bad. Every ache and pain surfaced, back issues, fatigue, etc. etc. My days are now spent going to doctors for help. I have noticed my world has become more closed in. I suddenly love watching television. I now catch up on all the programs I missed when I was raising a family. I’m getting content to be home, where at one time I was running all the time. I told my financial adviser I need more money till I’m 75 because after that it would be downhill and I doubt I would be going out as much. When I tell my friends this, they look at me shocked. But, I can feel the changes coming already. Its scary. I don’t know if I should tell anyone or just accept it as the ‘aging’ process. Good post, and it makes me realize that a lot of us are in the same boat.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
You should never feel alone about any of this. We are all in this together. Even the luckiest person whose body stays strong and pain-free, is still aging. I think you have to focus on taking care of yourself and appreciating what you are able to do, as opposed to being unable to do. I go to the gym every day. I can’t do nearly what I did 20 years ago, but I still push myself to do what I can. As long as you are taking care of yourself and getting the medical attention you need, you are doing the best you can do. You might surprise yourself.
Lorna's Voice
October 10, 2014
Quality of life not quantity of life–that’s my credo. I can’t put an age limit on when the quality goes away, though. I don’t think anyone should based on statistical probabilities. I know people in their 30’s who have a pretty sucky quality of life and I know a few in their 80’s who I can’t keep up with.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
Well said, Lorna. Quality, quality, quality.
btg5885
October 10, 2014
Great post. I have seen two interviews with him. It is a great conversation to have. I think many in their 90s are more alert than some in their 70s. It all depends on whether someone is ambulatory, engaged, and coherent. Yet, his larger point is well taken, with more of us living past age 75, more of us will have dementia and musculoskeletal issues. The data I have seen shows that when you are no longer ambulatory, the decline precipitates.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I’d love to hear Emanuel speak. He says what has to be said and hopefully, will start others in the conversation. I see what you are talking about, with my aunt. She will be 93 next week and, aside from anti-depressants, only takes one medication for her thyroid. But since going into a wheelchair this year, I see the decline.
The Pop Culture Rainman™
October 10, 2014
Excellent Post. My mother was diagnosed with Cancer at 75, died a couple of weeks before her 77th birthday. I can be honest and say for my mother, who had a lot on her plate + stress in her life, had lost a lot of her inner fire/drive/abilities by her early 70’s for sure. The chemo all but finished her, even though we “thought” she was on the mend. Her beauty however was other-worldy and she looked decades younger than her years, but never had even a facial done. Zero work on her face. Which brings up another point, which is women, I believe have a lot of pressure placed upon them (especially in the public eye) to perform what I call “age denying.” No-one ages in Hollywood. Men don’t go bald, and women fix everything to keep from aging naturally. Madonna ‘appears young’ but its her bank account that is keeping her looking that way. 55 + women don’t look like her ‘naturally’. Sorry to get off topic. While I hope I will be a vibrant 75 year old woman, I think you have brought up some valid points.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I think what you have said is on point. Our culture not only seeks to extend life, it seeks to extend youth. We see aging as shameful. The result is that we pay a heavy price, chasing youth, overextending ourselves, and prolonging life at any cost. Kudos to your mom for staying naturally beautiful.
The Pop Culture Rainman™
October 10, 2014
I also think these ‘age deniers’ send a very dangerous message…what they are essentially saying is, I am defeating age—and you are not? There are rare exceptions (like my mothers) of women past 40 and 50 who are aging incredibly well…otherwise all women (and men) are doing their best to stave off the clock. Science tells us that women start the aging process at 30. It’s science, it ain’t lying no matter how hard we try and disguise it. And we do it every which way. All of us.
The Pop Culture Rainman™
October 10, 2014
Sorry if that was vague, ie; its money that is helping them beat the clock; so to speak…not actual good genes. I’m not convinced Demi Moore or Madonna have good genes, I know they have deep pockets filled with money. My mother on the other hand was a NATURAL anomaly.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 10, 2014
I have less of an issue with cosmetic surgery per se than with the popular perception that such surgery allows one to “beat the clock.” There is no thing, at least not on this planet.
Valentine Logar
October 11, 2014
I thought his article was excellent when I read it. Your take is also great. Having watched my own parents live long past 75 and watched their health decline terribly, I can see the 75 mark as being possibly that line in the sand.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2014
Thanks, Valentine. I hope Emanuel’s article starts a much-needed conversation about the end of life and the price we pay for longevity.
Valentine Logar
October 11, 2014
I do too. I think my parents lived well, had great lives but in all cases their ends were terrible for them and for those who loved them. It made me consider what it means to live and what end of life truly means.
betzcee
October 11, 2014
You hit the three-headed nail on the head with your last sentence! My creativity, my sense of humour and my ability to absorb, however briefly, new information or stories, define me.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2014
Amen.
Jean
October 11, 2014
Yes, I just wonder like you when there is yet another news article that talks about living until one is 100 ,etc. Give us a break, seriously?
Guess how old my partner is here: http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/sharing-love-cycling-passion-and-idiosyncrasies/
Anyway, my objective of cycling and staying reasonably healthy is not to necessarily live until 100 yrs., but hope that final stage of life will be less suffering/pain from multiple diseases, conditions vs. just 1 condition. CAse in point: my 85 year old father has prostate cancer. He is entering his final stage of life..not very mobile, etc.
But he never had a heart problem nor respiratory problem, etc. He was always slightly underweight, low blood pressure. Had a healthy diet due to my mother’s cooking for many decades. His current condition would be super compounded.. if he had more pre-existing health problems.
So that is my role model..
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2014
I believe we all have a responsibility to be the best we can be in this life, and that includes our physical state. We all have different inherent capabilities and we will all develop different ailments as we age, but we can each respect our bodies and do the best with what we have. Your dad is a great role model, indeed.
Sunshinebright
October 12, 2014
I sure hope Emanuel is wrong about life ending at 75. I’m 76, and still kicking!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2014
And may you continue to kick for many years to come.
Sammy D.
October 13, 2014
I’m curious, if his idea is so great, why we’re not hearing a groundswell from those over age 75 saying, “Yes, he’s right! My quality of life sucks. Kill me now!”
How is living beyond age 75 with diminished capacity any different than living your whole life with a debilitating handicap or losing some capacity in your 40s in an accident?
On one hand, his stance is somewhat suspect. Any public/gov’t figure (and he is) advocating a specific age beyond which life hasn’t enough quality to live? Can you say “Medicare going bust” and those responsible for reforms who’ve ignored fixes now trying a new message?
Secondly, what a terrible psychlogical message to both our elders and our younger generations. As if people over 75 serve no purpose, and as if younger generations don’t benefit enormously from what their elder relatives have to offer.
I most certainly want the option to terminate my life if I’m terminally ill or my quality of physical or mental capacity isn’t tolerable. We all should have that right WITHOUT pressure from society suggesting an ‘age certain’ or suggesting those who get cancer or other illnesses shouldn’t bother with treatment. Those are individual, not societal, choices. At least they have been.
Advocating we essentially throw in the towel at 75 is absurd.
My Dad plays golf twice a week at age 90 after being diagnosed with colorectal cancer at age 84, surgery and chemo/radiation for a year. He keeps the financial records for their HOA. My 89-year-old Mom is virtually blind with macular degeneration; still knits lap blankets for the Vets’ Hospital and travels to see her great grand-children once a month. They are both mentally sharp and filled with life, stories and grateful for the long lives they’ve lived.
And BTW, they both live with pain and diminished quality of life. But as of now, they want to live.
I wonder what their last 15 years would have been like if they knew society expected them to “give up” at 75.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 13, 2014
Thanks for these comments. I’m sure many others have the same thoughts. I believe that Emanuel is in no way advocating that everyone over 75 gives up. Nor is he implying that life over 75 can’t be fulfilling and joyful. Your parents are testament to experiencing life to the fullest in the face of illness and debilitation. Emanuel is simply pointing out that often, our society places an emphasis on longevity at the expense of a diminished quality of life. In your parents’ cases, life continues to be abundant. For many, it is a downward spiral of pain, physical and mental debilitation, and depression. That’s a high cost to pay for more time on the planet. We each have the responsibility to determine what the cost of “life” is to us.
Sammy D.
October 13, 2014
Thanks for the conversation and understanding we can agree to disagree on the intent of his provocative editorial.
You are talking about death with dignity as determined by an individual without societal intervention. I’m in complete agreement with your sentiments on that.
That is not the message Emmanuel is advocating, nor should we be evaluating it without the context of his background and career. He clearly states he believes we have lived FULL lives by 75, and it’s the right age to stop medical intervention. Arbitrary; questionable agenda; slippery slope.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 13, 2014
I’ve just reviewed what Emanuel said. Yes, he said that we have lived full lives by 75, No, he did not say it was right to stop medical intervention as policy for everyone. The policy actions he recommends have nothing to do with that. Rather, they are about increased research into Alzheimer’s and an increased use of resources concerning infant mortality. For me, there is no questionable agenda there.
Sammy D.
October 13, 2014
Thanks for your response. I hope you have a great week; I appreciate your blog!
Main Street Musings Blog
October 13, 2014
Thought provoking post. I’m so busy applying some of these issues to my parents, I haven’t had a chance to apply them to myself. That’s next.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 13, 2014
It’s tough to even think about this when we are healthy and are pursuing our lives. But that’s exactly when we have to do it.
Sienna (@datingseniormen)
October 13, 2014
Ruminating on death usually comes just after we’ve seen someone we love suffer and die….or when someone writes an essay that resonates, as Emanuel’s did with so many people. Our culture has methodically screwed with our heads when it comes to death and dying, and like everything else in this age of frantic forward-thrust, the process of dying is undergoing an “upgrade”.
I rather think that the best way to deal with aging is not to dwell on impending decrepitude — still an abstract for the midlifer — but to do some practical stuff so as to unburden our heirs, like throwing away face cream samples and mismatched china, and selling the sterling silver coffee service, which our kids have no place for and will never, never want to polish.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 14, 2014
Great point, Sienna. I started the divesting process a couple years ago. The last thing I want when I make my exit is to add an unnecessary burden onto my kids’ grieving process.
Deborah Drucker
October 13, 2014
I think I better order the coffins. Geez [using polite language here] I can’t stand this guy. This is the third or fourth post I have seen about his philosophy. I just noticed 57 is 75 backwards. I wonder if that is how he came up with the number 75. If he wants to end it all at 75 that is his choice. By advocating what he has since he is a MD and has held a high position I worry that he might influence the powers that be to cut off services to those over 75. And people have the right to refuse medical treatment now if they chose that as well. The point is it is a personal choice not a public policy.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 14, 2014
It is, indeed, a personal choice. And the fact that you’ve seen several references to what he has written tells me that he has started a much-needed conversation. Whether we agree or disagree, I think we all would benefit by looking at aging realistically and making choices now about how we’d like to exit. Goodness knows, so much is out of our control. But if we don’t deal with it, than nothing will be in our control.
Deborah Drucker
October 15, 2014
I think we are seeing references to his article because it is so controversial and he knew this would be provocative. I am sure he has an agenda. We can not make these sweeping generalizations about a certain age or situation. I worry this contributes so much to ageism. As if we do not have enough of that already. Assuming that when people reach a certain age their lives are not worth living any longer. I am going to link to my blog on Sun City because it was such an upper to me about how these terrible decrepit people 75+ are living their lives. I would also refer you to Senior Planet that has showcased so many vital people living life to the fullest much older than 75. To say that someone should decide that when they turn 75 they should not longer seek medical treatment is wrong. I would go so far to say that it is unethical. Ann Lamott also wrote in Bird by Bird about working with very elderly people in Nursing Homes and how a Nun who worked there told her that the role of the elderly people was for us to love them unconditionally. I am sorry I took the book back to the library today because then I could quote it exactly. Here is my short post on Sun City. There is a link to the article about the lovely elders who live there.
http://notestiedonthesagebrush.wordpress.com/2014/08/18/ice-cream-with-lunch-everyday/
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Thanks, Deborah. You make some outstanding points. There are many people post-75 who lead full, productive/fulfilled lives. We all aspire to that. And often, the care of the elderly has been a joy and a valuable lesson learned for family and caregivers. I truly don’t think Emanuel would argue either point. I certainly wouldn’t. I think where he becomes provocative is his calling attention to the price we and the elderly sometimes pay for the privilege of having life extended ever farther. My aunt will turn 93 this month. About five years ago, she was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. The treatment would have been brutal. We never got that far, as for some inexplicable reason, her body “cured” the cancer. But I have to tell you, as the personal who makes all decisions about her welfare, it was a terrible choice that I had to make.
wrickmitchell
October 28, 2014
If you have not as yet read this facinating book, “Boomerside” is likely a must:
http://www.cascadeae.com/news-articles/literature/1489-boomercide-from-woodstock-to-suicide
benzeknees
January 6, 2015
This is a very timely post since I have been doing a lot of thinking about supporting Dying with Dignity legislation in my own province or federally. Since I have COPD I have to weigh when enough is enough. Unfortunately, at this point, in my country there is no option for me to make a choice.