Hillary Clinton: Face Off

Posted on May 10, 2012


Hillary  Clinton, in an event generating even more negative feedback than her 1993 national health care debacle, has appeared in public with minimal makeup, glasses, and au natural hair.  The shocking occurrence took place during an official event in Bangladesh, part of her current diplomatic tour throughout Asia.

In an act that brazenly flaunted common decency and decorum, she allowed the world to see the true state of a sixty-four-year-old woman’s face.

The Drudge Report, having had little to report on since a lengthy analysis of Santorum’s “Satan has his sights on the United States of America!” statement, was elated.  “Hillary Au Naturale” screamed the Drudge Report headline, as it showed a photo of the Secretary of State wearing glasses, loose hair and nothing but a little bit of lipstick.

CNN followed, as did media outlets the world over. For 20 hours, Twitter mailboxes were jammed and within minutes, the website was able to do little more than show subscribers that stupid whale with the message “Whoops! It appears that we have engorged ourselves with Tweets and are experiencing a state of complete constipation.”

The View, Anderson Cooper, The Today Show, and Discovery Health all immediately set regular programming aside in order to present special shows on “When is Old Too Old to Show?”

Dr 90210 was appalled.  “It’s bad enough that our Secretary of State continues to avoid the necessary cosmetic procedures that are easily available to all citizens, young and old, rich and poor, of this great nation.  She goes about in public with her natural breasts, her wrinkles, and her facial sagging.  But this, this is unconscionable.  She could be setting an example for young women everywhere.  Instead, she stoops to embracing her, and I get hives even saying this, natural state.  After a woman reaches a certain age, plastic surgery should be mandatory, and no older woman should be seen in public without hair and make up done. This is exactly why we are slipping in world esteem.”

A spokesperson for the annual Wartburg, Tennessee beauty contest, “Purty Potty Trainers” showcased on Toddlers and Tiaras, said, “Lord, we wooden even let a two-yir-old out in public widdout full makeup an wigs.  Wimen start fallin apart at an early age.  We are shocked that that Hiliary person is some kinda big deal guvmint-type, right?  And she did this, even if it was just in India.  Them Indians wore war paint, right? So they know about cosmetics. How cum she didn’t?”

As all the hoopla swirled around her, Clinton flaunted public opinion further by telling a CNN correspondent, “I feel so relieved to be at the stage I’m at in my life right now, because if I want to wear my glasses. If I want to pull my hair back, I’m pulling my hair back.”

CNN producers immediately interrupted broadcasting before Clinton could dig herself even deeper.