Why Democracy Sucks

Posted on May 12, 2022


Life in the Boomer Lane was far too busy enjoying her birthday to pay attention to the seemingly innocuous events that were, in fact, secretly ruining her life. It was like she believed she was bitten by a tiny, pesky insect and then she had a small itchy blob which turned into a large itchy blob which then became infected and then she realized she had that flesh-eating disease and then she lost her arm and then all of her limbs and then died. The flesh-eating disease, otherwise known as the GOP, is currently gobbling up all that is left of democracy, LBL’s sanity, and English grammar

In Michigan, Republican Ryan Kelley, who wants to be governor, is off and running. “Socialism—it starts with democracy,” he said. “That’s the ticket for the left. They want to push this idea of democracy, which turns into socialism, which turns into communism in every instance.” He actually said “in every instance.”)

Ryan is about the most American of Americans. His promo tells us “Standing strong for American values and American history, is what Ryan is all about. During the riots which occurred across the United States in the summer of  2020, while exercising his 2nd Amendment rights, he guarded a Civil War Statue in his hometown of Allendale as it was threatened to be taken down by BLM and Antifa. The statue is still standing there today.”

But this blog post isn’t about Ryan or Civil War statues or even Allendale, although Allendale boasts an impressive population of 21,000 and a growth rate of even more impressive 0% and is thus, apparently, a lightning rod for the ire of Antifa and BLM. This post is, instead, about the recognition that Democracy, that good old icon of America, way up there with the Bald Eagle and donut burgers, is actually bad and wrong. And more and more True Americans are recognizing this and speaking out.

Democrary, in spite of what you may have been taught in your Socialist Public Schols, is the root of all evil. (One can argue from today until whenever one needs to address one of the three fundamental requirements for human life: eat, sleep or check one’s email, that the US is not a democracy anyway–it’s a Republic. Blah blah blah and on and on and on, is all LBL will say about that.)

Democracy, these aliens-disguised-as-politicians remind us, is a gateway drug to sloth, depravity, and human rights. It is not what the Founding Fathers intended. They intended guns, white people and Christianity, in that order. They did not intend black people, gay people or fringe religions like Islam or Judaism. Islam and Judaism, as everyone knows are thinly-disguised representatives of socialism and communism.

Confusing the mix a wee bit, is the fact that a number of evangelical Christians are now converting to Russian Orthodoxy. And this has nothing to do with the cool hats and big jewelry the priests wear. A lot of it is about the church’s firm stand against gays. The church has compared gay marriage to Nazi Germany. (LBL is, once again, amazed how many things or people that people don’t like are compared to Nazi Germany or to Hitler. She expects that commercials will soon say things like “Eating a sandwich without mayo is like eating in Nazi Germany,” She would guess that no one under the age of 40 would even know about Nazis, so maybe this is a good thing that politicians keep reminding us that Nazis, whoever they were, were bad and didn’t have good sandwiches.)

LBL looks back to her innocent elementary school days, when the idea of Democracy was all the rage and guns were limited to killing Indians, who deserved it. But life, like toddlers, never stands still. We are now in the midst of saying farewell to both democracy and the polar ice caps, and there doesn’t seem to be a damn thing we can do about it, except maybe pass the mayo.

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