The Paper Chase

Posted on May 31, 2022

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The following post was written in an attempt to see if LBL’s brain cells were capable of doing anything, right now, aside from moving to Canada, in an attempt to escape the mutant slime (commonly called the GOP) whose single-minded goal of money and votes means that children will continue to die, and the small percentage of Americans who continue to support unbridled gun ownership, will have it.

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Little did Life in the Boomer Lane realize, that while she was experiencing the epic chain of events that occurred on her birthday weekend, (LBL will now interrupt herself to admonish any Loyal Readers who have not read said blog post Behind the Scenes Birthday Weekend. Think of this like a fire drill. Stop whatever you are doing now, like reading this blog post and simultaneously watching CNN and snacking and even more simultaneously checking emails and texts, and refer back to the aforementioned blog post. Don’t worry, this new post will be waiting for you when you are finished.) that a certain piece of birthday-associated mail was having its own epic journey.

In anticipation of Ne Ne’s (LBL’s) birthday, her grandchildren in Charleston made what she assumes were cards and messages that only a three-year-old and a five-year-old can create. In general, three-year-olds create work that needs some degree of explanation (LBL has learned that the question “What is that?” is not appropriate. One must instead ask “Can you tell me about this?” and hope that the three-year-old doesn’t come back with “This needs no explanation”). Five-year-olds, on the other hand, create art that is obvious and involves, in addition to representational work, a lot of long messages, with the help of any available parent.

Said cards were placed in a large envelope and addressed to LBL’s daughter in Brooklyn. For those of you now asking, “Why Brooklyn?” she refers you to Paragraph One of this blog post. (Shame on you. You didn’t follow directions.) The envelope arrived and was safely placed on Only Daughter’s dining room table, in anticipation of LBL’s (ultimately foiled) arrival.

Alas, LBL did not arrive (Have you read the former blog post yet?), and the envelope sat there, among the countless number of missives, homework assignments and artwork that LBL’s three grandsons brought back from school each day. Sometime during the next couple days, Only Daughter then received a package from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and decided she didn’t want it. (For those of you who are now wondering what was in the BBB package, you are missing the point of this blog post.) She packed it up and sent it back to BBB.

One day, a shoebox-sized package arrived from BBB. Only Daughter was mystified, having not ordered anything further from the store. She opened it. (This last sentence was unnecessary but helps to build the anticipation.) Inside was the envelope of birthday cards LBL’s Charleston grandchildren had made for her. The envelope was securely nestled in padding. Clearly, the folks at BBB realized that this was precious material.

There is no moral to this story, nor any reference to the Rogue’s Gallery of political whack jobs spewing out of the maw of the GOP. It’s simply the result of Only Daughter telling LBL what happened and LBL saying “I have to write a post about this.” She has now done so. She could have written about Resident Wack Job of the Moment, Ted Cruz, who efficiently reduced the massacre of 19 elementary school children and two teachers to merely an issue with unlocked doors. But she chose to write about birthday cards (which she has yet to see) instead.

To those of you who read to the end of this post without having read the post that talked about LBL’s birthday weekend mayhem, LBL is very disappointed in you. She has added you to the ever-growing list of the ways the World has let her down.

Posted in: birthday, mishap