News of the Wild

Posted on June 6, 2022


The past week has been jam-packed with so many atrocities due to gun violence and the GOP’s continuing belief that each life lost is simply another indication that the Second Amendment is alive and well, thank you very much, that the non-gun wisdom of many high profile GOPers has gone unnoticed by all but an astute few. Here is a quick wrap up.

Peter Navarro, Harvard fringe economist, served in the Trump administration in various high profile appointments. After the 2020 election, with his job soon to be gone, he had a lot of free time on his hands. Navarro switched focus and, instead, dove head-first into the ever-expanding Cesspool of the Big Lie, and advanced conspiracy theories of election fraud. In February he was subpoenaed to testify before the House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack. He refused to comply and was referred to the Justice Department; a grand jury indited him on two counts of contempt of Congress on June 2.

Louis Gohmert, Texas Congressman, is famous for a lot of things, mostly falling into the category of What-the-fuck-did-he-just-say? Gohmert, himself, has admitted that people think he is the dumbest person in Congress. In reaction to Navarro’s inditement, Gohmert rose to the occasion, causing mostly everyone to realize that they had greatly underestimated just how stupid Gohmert actually was.

“If you’re a Republican, you can’t even lie to Congress or lie to an FBI agent or they’re coming after you,” Gohmert grumbled on Friday. “They’re gonna’ put ya’ in the D.C. jail, terrorize you, torture you and not live up to the Constitution there.”

Gohmert, astonishingly a duly-elected Congressman, isn’t aware that lying to Congress or to the FBI is a Federal Offense. It is not the same as jaywalking or refusing to recycle. And what is this “Constitution” that is not being lived up to here? Near as Life in the Boomer Lane can tell, the Constitution, as least by GOP standards, is a document that says pretty much whatever they want it to say. If they like something in it, it can’t be changed. If they don’t, we can easily get rid of it. Just about the only thing she hasn’t heard so far is a theory that Antifa was behind the 13th Amendment.

Ron DeSantis, GOP Governor of one of the two US states that are currently testing the ability of a state to declare its independence without actually seceding, has been quiet lately, spending most of his time in an effort to hobble Disney World. Since Disney wields more power in Florida than any other entity in the state, De Santis is understandably out to control it. His new mantra is, “They sold us on a mouse, but we now know it’s a rat.”

Greg Abbott, the Governor of the other of those two states, has understandably been unable to deal with much other than the Uvalde shooting. For the moment, women who have been raped won’t be subjected to his comments about them. Instead, Abbott has shown his mettle by 1. expressing thoughts and prayers 2. thanking first responders 3. announcing a new Uvalde Together Resiliency Center 4. advising heightened safety standards in schools and 5. pointing out that Chicago has more gun fatalities than Uvalde.

Kevin McCarthy, GOP House Minority Leader has pretty much continued his usual routine of dealing with various GOP members of Congress who have come to his attention as spending most of their time talking about orgies, beheadings and Jewish space lasers. It isn’t clear whether McCarthy believes that any of these items are real, but he does feel compelled to try to keep these folks in line. LBL believes that, after McCarthy is finished talking to those various GOP members of Congress, they most likely wait in a respectable manner for him to leave, grateful they haven’t been sent to the principal’s office, then collapse with laughter and continue to peruse

Marjorie Taylor Greene, GOP representative from the only area of Georgia populated solely by crashed UFO sites, is working her Memorable Comment Machine 24/7. In rapid succession, she Tweeted that enemies of “Christian Nationalism” advocate that teens go through gender mutilation, and expressed her great relief that Johnny Depp won his lawsuit against Amber Heard because “men never win cases like this.” To be fair to MTG, GOP members of the House Judiciary Committee also celebrated the win.

Thanks to all Loyal Readers who were willing to put up with yet another rant about the GOP. LBL keeps trying to come up with something clever to fit the initials GOP, but “May They All Become Putrid Gore” is too many words and doesn’t fit the letters.

Posted in: politicians, politics