A Conversation Between Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Bobert

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s cell phone rings. MTG grabs an AR-15 and answers the phone

MTG: Fuck you if you are a child-predator-Socialist-Commie-mask wearing-Democrat. Anyone else, say your name and give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you right through this phone.

LB: Marg, so glad to hear you strong and in defense of white Christian values.

Is that really you, Lauren? Quick, name three things that are destroying the country.

Easy. Books, except the Bible. Manicure salons all run by Asians who are spreading Covid in nail polish. Middle Eastern restaurants that all have huge ammo arsenals in the back that they send to all the terrorists, all the Jews who pretend to celebrate Passover with that terrorist book call the Haggadah that is actually filled with coded messages telling each other how to steal the children of Republicans and then turn them into Democrats. Oh, and people who have more than one job, solely to accumulate vast wealth and then not pay taxes.

I think that was more than three things, but OK. Whatever. What’s up?

What’s with the test, MTG? You are the one I am concerned about. Are you turning tree-eating, PINKO Commie, child-molesting, Critical Race Theory-loving, Woke?

If I could shoot through this phone, I swear I would. Who are you to call me those things, you slut? Last year you posted a photo to show yourself packing heat and walking through one of DC’s crime-infested neighborhoods. But you were walking past an alleyway lined with garages. What’s with that? Big tough woman. Sort of ruins the message.

You dense Nancy Pelosi-lover. The message was that these “poor, helpless” people never work or do anything, then they go out and buy cars with our money. And you, you compared being ordered to wear masks with Jews having to wear stars and then get on trains to head to gas chambers.

Right, and your point is–?

Use the few brain cells you have to think. If masks are bad, you were comparing something bad to what happened to the Jews? Think about that.

Point taken. But how about you, you I-Believe-Joe-Biden-is-the-President Missy, you encouraged everyone to take allergy meds so that your own allergy meds would work better. What the fuck does that even mean? You make us alt-righters look stupid.

I don’t see what you are getting at.

Ohmygod, that’s like saying that you encourage everyone to go to the gym so that your gym workouts will be more beneficial.

They won’t? I thought that’s what this was all about. Herd mentality. But wait, Ms I-have-More-Guns-than-you, you have referred to Biden as POTUS. You disloyal scumbag.

You have said that if pregnant women took shooting classes, their babies would be born knowing how to use guns.

You said that climate change results from the earth moving closer to the sun because there are too many people in China and that makes everything off balance.

You said that people around the world who are starving are simply too lazy to eat.

There is a short pause in which both self-identified-as-women-humanoids, aim their guns at their cell phones and shoot. The conversation ends.