She’s Back, Whether You Like it or Not

Posted on January 4, 2019


Life in the Boomer Lane must start with an apology.  One or two loyal Readers may have noticed a long hiatus between posts. This was due to LBL being with Youngest Offspring and his family, in order to greet their newest member.  This newest member is now LBL’s seventh grandchild. LBL stayed to help with both him and his turning-two-year-old sister.  As neither the newborn nor his sister seemed interested in listening to LBL’s ideas for blog posts, she was unable to spend much time thinking about writing.  She was also unable to think about showering or washing her hair or wearing something other than the same clothing each day.

She returned yesterday on a 6 AM flight and spent the entire rest of the day 1. watching an entire season of “Vanity Fair” on Amazon Prime  2. eating an entire pint of coffee Haagen Dazs  3. having her entire wardrobe consist of pajamas.  She woke up this morning and remembered that an actual world existed that had nothing to do with sippy cups, diapers, and food cut into tiny little cubes. Time to get busy getting a handle on the top items that are now motivating most red-blooded Americans: The New Congress. The Wall.  The Government Shutdown. Humans Marrying Non-Living Beings.

LBL will admit that this last item may be of more interest to herself than it is to Americans as a whole.  But, since this is her blog and she can write whatever she wants, she doesn’t care. She will, therefore, state that, whether readers care about this topic or not, they should be expecting such material to be the substance of her next blog post. Or rather, it will be the substance of such post unless the Unruly Child who Currently Occupies the White House decides to have a tantrum, announcing in a Tweet that  1.  he is firing all active duty generals   2.  he is building the wall with all the garbage that is currently piling up in national parks  3. he is naming Kanye as his new Chief of Staff   4. he is awarding himself the Nobel Prize, the Pulitzer, and the US Spelling Bee Championship.

LBL strongly suspects that events will occur that will move humans marrying non-humans down a notch or two in her list of imminent posts.  She is preparing herself for such an eventuality.  She is keeping herself apprised, especially, of events regarding The Wall.  The latest bargaining chip regarding such Wall might be worthy of a post. “We’ll give you DACA in exchange for The Wall,” or “For every foot of wall, we will release one immigrant child from captivity”  or “Build the Wall and Trump and Cohen will engage in televised Nude Crisco Wrestling.” Whatever the negotiating results in, it should be fodder for the maw of LBL’s blog.

Stay tuned.   In the meantime, LBL will now seriously consider taking a shower and washing her hair.  She knows this will be a lonely endeavor, as she will not be accompanied by a host of wide-eyed rubber Sesame Street and Peppa Pig characters.