Sleeping With Your Ex

Posted on October 19, 2018


Has Life in the Boomer Lane gotten your attention?  Have you put the TV on mute, stopped that snack midway to your mouth, or neglected that ringing cell phone?

In case you are wondering if this is an early April Fool’s Day 2019 prank, it isn’t. Thanks to a loyal reader, LBL is now aware of an actual research study in which actual researchers being paid actual money were asked to interview actual people about the pros and cons of sleeping with one’s ex.

“Whoa, doggies!” you may be saying now.  Or perhaps, “Hold your horses!” Or even any other antiquated phrase involving animals. “Doesn’t LBL have an ex?  Is she trying to tell us something?”

To that, LBL responds that she has written numerous times about older men/younger women, Trump and the GOP, international despots, alien invasions, and any number of topics that have had nothing to do with her own life.  So calm down, sit tight and just keep reading.

According to, citing a new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers made an effort to establish why it is that we all think having ex sex is definitely bad.

Now it’s LBL’s turn to yell “Whoa, doggies!”  In the interest of truthfulness in reporting, she asked: Do people think having sex with one’s ex is bad?  LBL decided to investigate. She asked several divorced women she knows, how they feel about the issue. The answers she got included the following:

 I didn’t have sex with him while we were married. How would it be possible for that to happen now?

Do incarcerated people have the right to have post-marital sex?

He’s gay now. How would that work, exactly?

I’ve forgotten how to have sex. Does he remember?


These women had uncoupled many years ago. These researchers, on the other hand, concerned themselves with 113 recently broken up people.  Then two months after the break up, they surveyed these people to see if they had  attempted to have any “physical contact” with their exes. They also asked how emotionally attached they still felt towards that ex on a daily basis.


In the second study, they had 372 participants report their “actual and attempted sexual engagement” with their ex, and asked about their emotional attachment to them.

The good news, here, is that most people who tried to hook up with an ex succeeded.  The even better news is that having sex with an ex did not stop them from moving on in a normal manner and time frame. In fact, post-relationship sex made them feel generally more positive about life, even if it was with someone they’d broken up with.

The researchers concluded that “…societal handwringing regarding trying to have sex with an ex may not be warranted  While these words may be of comfort to those of you out there who are plotting how to ensnare your ex in a sexual escapade, LBL warns that the encounter should be brief, and not, as one person LBL knows, last for 34 years.





20 Responses “Sleeping With Your Ex” →
  1. your writing

  2. Our very own Maywood “Sex in the Suburbs”

  3. 34 years!? Guess we’ll be reading another post about that.

  4. If all the people in the sample were recently broken up couples might that just mean the breaking up process was still going on? It would be interesting if they included some ex couples who had been apart longer and had attempted to “reconnect physically”. Still what would I know. I never had an ex.


  5. Sande Caplin

    October 20, 2018


  6. Renee, I read your funny piece about sleeping with your ex, and at the very bottom is a picture of a woman lying next to a huge fish. Are the two related?

    While I have not had an ex to sleep with, my guess is it is a different form of “friends with benefits.” In this case, “Ex with benefits.” Keith

    • Love your comments, Keith. WordPress has the right to put whatever they want underneath my posts. It’s the price I pay for a free blog. I always try to ignore whatever is there. Now I’m intrigued. I like the phrase “ex with benefits.” I’ll bet there are a lot of those around. I had a friend who wanted interested in her husband nearly as much as she was when he became her ex.

    • Renee, I fully understand on the surprising pictures that come with a free blog. As for the “ex with benefits,” for some they are like oil and water outside of the bedroom. They cannot possibly remain married, but at least still have the physical attraction. Wasn’t there a movie with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin about this? Keith

  7. Well I know I didn’t lose my sense of humor! I found the article inappropriate and uncomfortable ,especially when it was sent to me by my ex of over 20 years ! (With no warning, like check this out or isn’t this funny?)

  8. Ooooh, an emotional minefield. I’ve done it once, in my mad impulsive younger days. It was … an interesting exercise. 🙂

  9. I’m glad someone is doing research on these things – I am sure the world will change when the results are more widely known.


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