Jobs Up, Jobs Down

Posted on October 23, 2018


Axios, Life in the Boomer Lane’s daily go-to source for news, includes more than just solid evidence that life as we know it has come to an end or that the entire world is about to explode in a giant conflagration of misdeeds.  president trump (which LBL will henceforth write with lower case letters) will then declare that the end of the world was the fault of the Democrats, illegal immigrants, and Don Lemon, as he, himself, boards a spaceship to take him to another planet.

This morning, Axios included a list of jobs that were decreasing in numbers and jobs that were increasing.  While few would argue that mammoth skinners, bowling alley pinsetters, and knockeruppers (Look it up yourself. LBL has no time to educate you, while she is trying to amuse people) have been on the decline, there are other professions that may surprise people. They include:

  1. home health care aides
  2. solar energy installers
  3. alternative energy managers
  4. registered nurses
  5. aerospace engineer

Number 1 has recently morphed into a “personal care aide,” which is roughly the same job but with more education and a higher income.

Numbers 2 and 3 may not be surprising, as the official stance of the government regarding climate change is that, while “something is definitely happening out there, we have better things to do than waste time and money trying to figure it out.” It’s easier to just tell folks who have been impacted by the fallout of climate change, “Yikes, this place looks like a horror show. We are there for you. We will not abandon you. And remember that if you choose to continue to live in the ruins of your demolished house, you can be grateful that your utility bills will be real low this year.”

Tragically,  Number 4 has been an issue for many years. While many well-qualified, dedicated registered nurses still exist, if you have been in the hospital recently, and you yell “Nurse!” you may notice that the only person who comes into the room is someone who wants to sell you long-term care insurance.

LBL has no idea why #5 is on this list.  She suspects it may be because this administration’s policy on science in general is a bit wonky. In the words of the administration, “Science is great. I have a great relationship with science. We love each other. I know more about science than the scientists. We just need to leave science alone and just let it do its own thing and not meddle.”

So, the question is, what jobs have been increasing? If you are thinking Fake News Coordinator, you are dead wrong.  The #1 growth job last year was Personal Care Aide, aka Home Health Worker. As we have already noted, this profession involves more education and higher salary.

Coming in at #2 is Genetic Counselor. This is a highly trained professional who can tell you, via your genetic make up, which illnesses and debilitating conditions you may succumb to. It does not include, however, the damage being done to you by either climate change, the toxic environment we are forced to live in, or from beating your head against a wall whenever you hear the president speak.

#3 is Transportation Supervisor. LBL has no earthly idea what this is, except that it is not a job that exists in the DC area.  In the DC area, signs and traffic lights are mere suggestions. Areas where several major roads collide are euphemistically called “mixing bowls,”  in which one can happily reminisce about one’s grandmother whipping up her oh-so special brownie recipe, as one tries to avoid being hit by cars coming at one in at least three different directions.

#4 Fashion Designer  LBL has suspected for quite some time that fashion, thanks to any number of pop media icons, reality TV types, and the Housewives of Everywhere, is uppermost in most people’s minds. In a recent research project, located solely in LBL’s imagination, 75% of people questioned were able to list at least five designer clothing brands, while only 20% of people knew where either the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans were. Three percent of those questioned thought that Beyoncé was the President of the US.

#5 Video Game Designer  One of LBL’s sons was, and still is, a video game devotee.  Luckily, he is now quite successful professionally, as well as being a devoted husband and father, and not locked in a room somewhere,  gaming and living on Hot Pockets.  In addition, as of December, LBL will have reached the legal limit of how many grandchildren a human being is allowed to have (7), and she sees how video game addiction takes hold at a ridiculously early age. For all of these reasons, she is not surprised to see video game designer on this list.

That’s it, folks. You now know what path to advise your children to take as they set out their educational goals. If they have no goals, we can’t help with that. But we can advise you on which brands of microwaves are most reliable and which flavors of Hot Pockets are tastiest.