When Roses (or Sanity) Just Won’t Cut It

For those of you who are anticipating a last-minute rush to the florist/supermarket/7-Eleven for roses or to the nearest CVS/Rite Aid/Walgreens for boxes of candy to give to your loved one, Baby Trump Jr has another suggestion. A simple visit to the online Trump Store can provide anything your or her heart may desire.  As Baby Trump Jr tweets, “When roses just won’t cut it…”

 1. For a mere $30 (approximately what you will save after the new tax plan goes into effect) you can buy a Trump Teddy Bear. The Bear is wearing a fluffy white spa robe saying “Trump.” The robe is discreetly closed. But we all know what is inside, don’t we?

      2. For those of you who want to take this to a higher level, you can have Mr Bear seated atop a Trump plane, as pictured on Baby Trump Jr’s Twitter page.  These planes are available on various sites and cost various amounts of money. For those of you with more pruient interests, you can position Mr Trump Teddy Bear atop the model plane, in which said plane appears to be bursting out of Big Daddy Trump’s tasteful spa robe.

    3. Should you decide to be your own Teddy Bear this Valentine’s Day, you can purchase a full-size replica of the spa robe Mr Trump Teddy Bear is wearing.  This will set you back $125 but will not include anything you can sit on.

    4. Trump Spa Slippers $15  These slippers are not only comfy, they leave no footprints when sneaking out of the bedroom for a middle-of-the-night snack.

5. “Double-Trouble” Pullover Sweater   $150  The Trump Store website proudly announces “This Trump logo embroidered pullover will quickly become your go-to item when an extra layer is required.”  LBL doesn’t know about you, but she tries to stick with one lay at a time.

6. Trump Wine Glass only $20, if you prefer to spend your Valentine’s Day alone, with yourself as your loved one. For others, you’ll have to cough up $40 for the pair. For those readers thinking they need several wine glasses, Life in the Boomer Lane reminds you that this is a family blog and she will not pander to your sleazy lifestyle. She will, however, ask for photos.

 7.  Trump Duffle Bag  $100, for a romantic getaway. Please note that the duffle bag is large enough to contain adequate amounts of hair spray, hair gel, and Crazy Glue.

   8.  Trump tee with message $50  There are several choices here: “Whatever She Says, She’s Lying” is the most popular, and sure to warm her heart.

9.  List of Trump’s Favorite Loving Endearments  $10  These include verbalizations sure to make women melt, such as “I’m really rich,” “I’m really smart,” “Believe me,” and “I like you way better than the bitch I was just talking to a minute ago.”

  10.   Five hundred page e-book containing all of the wisdom of Donald Trump $3500. Book is delivered blank but will become activated at the same time as the IRS completes the audit of Trump’s 2016 taxes so that Trump can release them to a grateful public.