Playboy Goes Under Cover

Playboy, the magazine that launched millions of boomer men into puberty, will, starting in March 2016, no longer show naked women in its pages. Lest this seem on par with McDonalds switching to an all-vegan menu, LBL is here to assure you that the decision will probably increase Playboy readership.

The truth is that in today’s online world, more hardcore porn can be viewed by the click of a mouse than Hugh Hefner ever dreamed possible when, in 1953, he launched the magazine that he believed would free men from the constraints of a sexually-restrictive society and allow them total freedom behind closed bathroom doors.

LBL knows of what she speaks. In her innocent surfing of photos to include with her posts, she often comes across any number of salacious representations of people doing the nasty or looking like they are awaiting the arrival of someone to do the nasty with. Searches containing the phrase “older women” or “weight issues”  or “men and women” are gold mines of such material. (Note to readers: If you are now about to blitz this post and immediately start searching these phrases, LBL believes you are not the high quality reader she writes for and asks you to either remove yourself from her mailing list or share with her what you find)

Back to Playboy.  The decision to dress the nubile young things that Playboy holds dear is actually a wise move. According to Vox, “There’s already a wide variety of Playboy-branded clothing and jewelry out there, and the Playboy brand is particularly popular in China, where pornography is officially illegal.”  LBL personally doesn’t know any men who sport Playboy-themed apparel, but she has always been aware that they exist somewhere on the planet.

Again, according to Vox, “Playboy tested the no-nudity strategy out with the Playboy.com website, which has been free of explicit nudity since last year. The company says it’s been a big success, attracting a much bigger and younger audience. Now it’s hoping to expand on that success with what used to be the country’s most popular pornographic magazine.”

Putting some pants on the Girls will also create more focus on Playboy’s articles, which have always been viewed as worth reading. In addition, it will open the magazine to a greater variety of advertising. As the Playboy spokesperson said, “You could argue that nudity is a distraction for us and actually shrinks our audience rather than expands it.” 

So last year, Playboy overhauled its primary website, Playboy.com, and took out all the explicit nudity. Playboy executives told the New York Times that this was a huge success.  Traffic quadrupled, and the average age of readers fell from 47 to 30.  On addition, people could then read the online magazine on subways and in public places, without the risk of a young mom taking offense that one’s reading material would be damaging to her peanut/wheat/gluten/soy/dairy/bee sting-allergic youngster in tow.

For those of you who mourn the loss of nudity in Playboy, take solace in the fact that there will still be explicit nudity distributed under the Playboy brand, specifically in their Playboy TV channel. LBL could now give you more information about this, but she is tired of talking about Playboy and nudity and so you are free to do your own research. LBL, on the other hand, will now read reviews of the Democratic debate and then see what’s in the refrigerator. As Playboy’s new policy means that she will never be approached to pose nude for the magazine in a post-menopausal blogger feature, she is free to chuck her diet and eat whatever she wants.