The Lost, the Misplaced, and the Other Stuff

Life in the Boomer Lane, like a lot of red-blooded, tax-fearing Americans, spends her days losing a lot of stuff.  Much of this is actually misplaced, rather than lost. There is a fine, but important, distinction between the two.  Here is a handy chart to know the difference:

The following are items that usually get lost, rather than misplaced:  

youth

flexibility

memory

socks

hair  (lost in places one wants it, found in places where one doesn’t want it)

sex drive (Note to readers: Please do not write to tell LBL that you are having the best sex of your lives, after age 50 or 60 or 70.  LBL doesn’t believe you.)

anything valuable

receipts (usually occurs only for items one wants to return)

words (Note: there is a distinction between losing words one wants to say and being at a loss for words, such as in trying to describe the two candidates for the current Alabama special election)

shopping lists

essential ingredient in a recipe (technically forgotten, as opposed to lost)

emails

The following are items that generally get misplaced, rather than lost:

cell phones

cell phone charging cords

car keys

remotes

eye glasses

modifiers (sometimes can also dangle, rather than be misplaced)

intentions

anger

all items in ones purse

male spouses in stores (These are usually eventually found standing outside the store, checking their messages)

library books

the US presidency

LBL has no suggestions for the retrieval of either lost or misplaced items. She does, however, have a suggestion: If you are travelling to Istanbul, and you have to spend time at a Vodaphone store so that Now Husband can get a sim card for his cell, and, if said Now Husband has left the hotel without his passport and so you have to give the clerk your passport in order to get the sim card, please do not depend on Now Husband to remind the clerk to take your passport out of the copy machine before you leave the store.

Otherwise, you will be having a perfectly glorious time exploring a certain exotic, exciting neighborhood in Istanbul (in which you took various trams and subways to get to), then stop for a light snack and discover that your passport is gone. While you are contemplating an emergency trip to the US Embassy, Now Husband will declare that the passport is probably still on the copy machine at the Vodaphone store.

You will then take a cab back to the Vodaphone store and, sure enough, the passport will still be exactly where Now Husband predicted it would be.

In the meantime, you will have another look at the cell phone covers in the store and come up with a way to help with always misplacing your phone. You will order the new cover online and it will be waiting for you when you return home.