My Anti-Bucket List

Life in the Boomer Lane has a good friend who often refers to her bucket list, when talking about travel. Every time she does this, it occurs to LBL that she, herself, has no bucket list like that. While she certainly has a lot of places she would love to see, she can’t say that any of them are in the “I-need-to-go-there-before-I-die” category.  Anyway, LBL has been around so long now, that some of her favored countries no longer exist, or are changing their name so many times that LBL believes they no longer exist.  Others are in such turmoil that LBL wishes to avoid them at all cost.  Luckily for LBL, she has no driving passion to visit the Greenland Ice Shelf, as the GIS is now rapidly breaking apart, due to the climate change hoax that the Chinese have invented.

Recently, LBL saw a reference to an “anti-bucket” list.  This made total sense, so LBL began to think about all the items that she hoped never to experience in this lifetime. As always, she then decided to share her random thoughts with her loyal readers, since, once a thought forms in her head, such thought has no place else to go. The following are items that LBL fervently hopes to never do before she visits that giant place in the sky where various people, lost objects, and sanity have all relocated.

1. serve time in jail
2. go on a “Homes of the Stars” bus tour
3. get caught going on a “Homes of the Stars” bus tour
4. make a drug deal
5. watch any TV show with the word “Wives” in the title
6. have an ailment involving itchy feet
7. dip below 4’8″ in height
8. get lost and end up in either North Korea or Mar-a-Lago
9. have anesthesia run out during surgery
10. go on a booze cruise
11. run out of toilet paper when using the bathroom at a friend’s dinner party
12. have the toilet malfunction, after #11

Items 11 and 12 have reminded LBL that she would normally have added “Have someone walk in on you when in the airplane bathroom” except this actually happened to her on her most recent flight and so is no longer allowed to be added to her non-bucket list. (In her usual hurry to do her business, she had, apparantly, not pushed the little locking mechanism far enough to have it latch.)

If LBL had been asked before the event occured, she would have amended to this non-bucket wish item, “If someone does come in, let it be when I am washing my hands” or “Let it be a woman who walks in.” The reality was that she was seated firmly on the toilet, with her pants down. And it was a man who walked in. And, added to that, it didn’t appear to be a blind man.

LBL decided to pretend that she was unfazed by the event, and smiled engagingly at the unannounced visitor standing over her. He, in turn, bleated something that sounded like “Ah-urggh” and fled, leaving the door wide open. LBL then reached over, carefully closed and locked the door, finished her business, washed her hands, and went back down the aisle, head held high.

This event now has her realize that any unfortunate items on the list above could be survived, if need be. Except the itchy feet thing or Mar-a-Lago. Those would be just too horrible to get over.