Trump Tests His Fan Base

Posted on January 23, 2016

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Donald J Trump, addressing a campain rally in Iowa, said of his loyal fan base, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s, like, incredible,” Life in the Boomer Lane is not making this up.  She believes Trump’s atatement is true, unless the person Trump shoots is one of his supporters and that person dies.  In that case, Trump will have decreased his supporters by one.

Trump followed this announcement by actually shooting someone on Fifth Avenue and then publicly read tweets of his followers acknowledging him for “putting his money where his mouth is” and “being brave enough to stand up to anyone who doubts that he isn’t honest and straighforward.”   Sveral Tweeters complained that “those rich bitches on Fifth Ave have all the fun. Mr Trump, please come to our neighborhoods and start shooting!”

Trump then announced, “I will now embark on a series of acts to prove that I am more powerful than any of the sacred institutions of this great nation. My supporters will not only continue to support me, they will become rabid and froth at the mouth in ectasy at my actions.”  Trump then:

  1. outlawed all future blizzards, because they took the attention off him.  “Blizzards are stupid, fake shit that aren’t nearly as powerful as me.”
  2. demanded that all condoms sold in the US be sized accordingly: Small, Average, Large, Trump
  3. had his supporters build huge bonfires around the country at the start of the annual Girl Scout Cookie Drive. All boxes of cookies would be thrown into the flames. Girl Scouts would be named “a group of namby pamby really ugly girls who think they can do shit boys can but they really can’t”
  4. named Vladinir Putin as his running mate
  5. named Sarah Palin as his Official Presidential Consort and Wind Up Toy
  6. proposed to end all government expenditures on education and social welfare programs and to use that money to fund ailing casinos and to provide bibles to every American, with “Jesus” changed to “Donald”
  7. announced a contest to see how many people can come up with the laregst number of ethnic and religious groups to be banned from the US
  8. declared that as soon as he wins, there will be public beheadings of all other candidates of both parties
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