Emergency Republican Debate

Posted on January 25, 2016



Donald Trump’s assertion that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and shoot someone, and his groupies would still support him, was met with outrage on the part of other Republican Presidential wannabees.  Because of that, Republicans held a special debate, in which the top five candidates could have their say. It went something like this:

Cruz: I could shoot 10 people and my supporters would still love me!  No, wait!  I could shoot 100 people!  Or 1000! Name a number!  I could shoot that many people!

Trump: You idiot. Nobody likes you in Congress, and you can’t even aim a gun straight.  You aren’t even an American.  I don’t know why you are here.  I’m going to outlaw Canadians when I am President, so people like you never start problems like this again.

Cruz: I’m an American! I love the flag!  I cheat on my taxes! And I can shoot a lot of people!

Bush: Can we all just please focus on what’s important, here?

Trump: Aaargh, here we go again.  It’s the Mama’s Boy. Listen, Baby Boy, your mama told me privately that she is going to vote for me.

Carson: May I please speak?  I’m getting a bit frustrated, here. I have already shot someone.  Or maybe I stabbed someone. It’s tough to recall.  But I think we need a President who talks softly and then shoots people.  It’s much more civilized.

Trump: Who is that idiot who is speaking?! He stopped getting supporters months ago. Why is he still here? Why are any of you still here?  Can somebody get me a gun? (All audience members pull their guns out and start coming up to the stage to hand them to Trump)

Bush: This isn’t what my dad or my brother told me I would have to put up with.

Trump (accepting guns): Poor little Mama’s Boy.  I’m crying tiny little diamond tears for you.

Rubio: Nobody seems to care about me anymore. I am proud of my record in insisting that the mentally ill deserve guns as much as anyone else does. And I would shoot people, also.  Prefereably moms and disabled vets.

Trump: Pretty Boy speaks.  Hey, Marco, you of the foreign and not-to-be-trusted name, nobody cares.  Go join Mama’s Boy and stand in the corner.  You need a Time Out. I suspect you are Mexican, which might be worse than Cruz being Canadian. How did this happen to our country?  We all used to be like me, minus the supreme intelligence and the legendary low blood pressure, of course.  Now, we have lost our country to people like you. Well, I’m going to get it back, by spewing one insulting comment after another. I’m going to abuse every single value Americans have held dear, and the result will be that I get to be President! God, I love masochistic voters!

Bush: This is seriously not what I had in mind.  I’m taking my five percent and going home.

Cruz, Rubio, and Carson in unison: We are also leaving. We don’t want to play this game anymore.

Trump rips of all of his clothes and starts randomly shooting into the audience:  Ha ha!  I’m the only one left!  And I’m naked! And I have all the guns!

He gets a standing ovation.