If you are one of Life in the Boomer Lane’s three devoted fans, you may have noticed that she hasn’t written lately about online dating. This forced hiatus has been because Susan is taking a temporary break, and LBL has not been able to cajole her back into the dating pool.
LBL is happy to report that another friend has taken the plunge and has agreed to provide LBL with fresh material. We shall call this friend “Kim Kardashian,” since she is both hot and has threatened LBL with a lawsuit if her real name is used. Kim is in a younger age bracket than Susan, so the men responding are roughly in the 43-53 age range.
A caveat here: LBL is well aware that she could come across as making fun of men, especially men who want nothing more than to have a close meaningful relationship with a woman and spend endless time walking in the woods or sitting in front of a fire, both activities accomplished while holding glasses of wine. LBL is perfectly willing to make fun of women, but for that, she would need a male who would be willing to provide her with material. Thus far, no man has come forward. So here goes:
Kim posted her profile and within the first 15 minutes, received an unanticipated 500 responses. The highlights are:
I am glad you saw me see you…..I saw you because Match told me you saw me. So, I saw you see me before you saw me see you, right? So really, it should have been me who said “Hi, I see you and I know you saw me…..” but when I saw you, I was too awestruck to say anything so it was you who had to say something….and that brings us back to where we are now. See? 🙂
LBL went into a coma before she was able to fully digest this opening paragraph.
***
I am surprised that how someone like you is single ?:)
A note to anyone anywhere on any singles site: The above statement/question is most likely intended to be a compliment. It is, instead, a reminder to the recipient of all of the horrendous/tragic/ pitiful reasons they are on an online dating site. Please do not use that line. Ever.
***
The journey is the destination that we should both seek I play well with others, Execs and their mothers From C-Level to Garage Attendants, I love all life’sLove takes many things rust,hope,wishes, dreams,and everything you’ve got,even when you know it’s not going be enough.
After a careful analysis of the above, including the statement about rust, LBL is forced to conclude that an automobile has written to Kim.
***
And if I’m not quite “the cup of tea” and you’re cursing yourself for fat fingering the mouse, then thanks for reading about me and good luck in your search for “that guy”.
Is LBL in an especially smarmy mood or does the phrase “fat fingering the mouse” bring up famous scenes from zoo porn films?
***
Under Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligence’s and specifically Interpersonal Intelligence our feelings, motivations and desires seem to be parallel. I am just throwing a bunch of psychology crap at you. Sometimes, it works and other times its painful to read.
How about, Barry Schwartz’s, The Paradox of Choice where, “After a million years of survival based on simple distinctions, it may simply be that we are biologically unprepared for the number of choices we face in the modern world.” Whatever! I just liked your photos, and you seem like a great girl.
While LBL appreciates that the post-menopausal brain is lacking in whatever cells allow it to process information in the most expedient way available, she has incurred a severe case of brain whiplash after reading the above.
***
Friends describe me as the most amazing man they’ve ever known .
Here’s a helpful hint: Do not, under any circumstances ever use a line like that. Ever. Even if someone pays you to do so. Seriously.
***
I have been told that I look 10 years younger than I am.
Let’s be real clear here: Every single person on the planet over the age of 45 thinks they look ten years younger than their actual age. If you are reading this and you are over age 45, you truly believe you look 10 years younger than your age. This is a proven fact. So either there is a giant bulge of people all looking 35+ or everyone on the planet looks 10 years younger and newborns look like they shouldn’t be born for another 10 years.
***
I’m the guy that people come to get things done. I’m a “traditional contemporary.”
So he’s a 4 bedroom, 2 bath hit man .
If Kim decides not to go through with her threat to poke her eyes out with a fork, more will follow.
katecrimmins
January 4, 2014
You have just made me appreciate my husband even more. And, by the way, I look a good 13 years younger than I am!
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
I’m laughing. Yes, anything I can do to help with your marriage, I’m happy to do. And, as for the 13, year thing, you’ve just broken the rule. Kudos to you.
Anonymous
January 4, 2014
You have just made me appreciate being single even more—although I might be persuaded to date the 4 bedroom, 2 bath house. And I DO look 10 years younger than I really am!
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
I suspect there would be a lot of women happy to date a 4BR 2BA house. As for the 10 year thing, enjoy.
wordsfromanneli
January 4, 2014
Being single is looking pretty good.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Single, partnered, married, whatever. May we all have healthy, productive lives, right?
wordsfromanneli
January 5, 2014
Exactly!
Off My Chest
January 4, 2014
Hahaha…. literally laughing out loud. Met my other half on Match and after the stories he told me – boy, is he lucky to have met me! Some of the ladies out there are just as scary as some of the fellows you are showcasing. I am certainly far from perfect, but I can at least pretend to be sane when the occasion calls for it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Loony knows no particular gender.
Off My Chest
January 6, 2014
For SURE! Thanks for reading. Smiles Chellie
Joan Johnson-Freese
January 4, 2014
I have been writing about this topic as well and share your views. Some of my favorites: the guy who simply wrote “YUMMY,” the over 50 guys who post pictures shirtless, and the selfie in the men’s restroom with a man at the urinal in the background. These sites are great for the under 40 crowd, over 50 — ladies, you’re going to get the leftovers.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
The two things that drive me batshit are men who pose shirtless and men who cut out whichever woman was standing next to them, but you can still see a random shoulder. Your restroom selfie takes the prize, though.
Marijane
January 4, 2014
I am taking a break from the online dating circuit for a while. However I, too, used to occasionally receive emails like that. It seemed some men may have been absent from school those days they taught spelling and punctuation. If I did eventually meet them in person (me being bored and needing a little hilarious adventure) they’d say they just couldn’t type. Which is why some of them also sent correspondence in all capitals. LOL!
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Some of the grammar and punctuation is hilarious. And, what with spell check and other aids, it’s always especially surprising.
A Simple Village Undertaker
January 4, 2014
Thank you for reminding me to stay married….it’s worth the effort.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
I do what I can to assist married couples.
chlost
January 4, 2014
Thankfully, I am not in the dating pool. However, from what I can tell, this is the only way to meet available people these days. My sister met her husband online with a line about Mary Poppins..he also had something about Mary Poppins on his profile. My daughter met her husband online. Her profile photo was from a costume party and she was dressed as a dinosaur. That;s why he contacted her. My oldest son met his fiance online. They are perfect for each other. My brother-age 48- is seriously dating a woman for the first time in many years. They met online.
They all may have been someone else’s crazy profile, I suppose.
Every one of them has horror stories, including my daughter who met a guy with no teeth. His profile photo didn’t show that…..nice guy, but really.
Can’t wait to hear all of Kim’s adventures. Hope there’s a peach for her amongst the thorns. As my sister used to say, “there’s a lid for every pot”.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Yes, even with all the weird/strange/crazy stories, most people nowadays do meet online. I met Now Husband on match.com and am grateful every day. Love the comments about the dinosaur and Mary Poppins.
Chicken
January 5, 2014
I actually liked the first guy. If I hadn’t already been snatched up by a four-bedroom, two-bath hit man, I’d give him a whirl, assuming he looks ten years younger than his current age. Like I do.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Your comment is funnier than my post. Damn you.
Emery G.
January 5, 2014
I’m recently divorced myself, and between my friends encouragement and yes, even my therapist’s, have dipped my toe into online dating. It is an absolute clusterfark at times. A halfway decent picture + female gender = inundated with messages, all of which are less than inspiring.
My worst date was a good old boy type who went in for a hug, but bit my neck instead. He got a gut jab in return and then accused me of being a tease and playing him for a mocha. Really.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Oh my. Yes, clusterfark is a great way to put it.
BABYBOOMER johanna van zanten
January 5, 2014
I love this piece. I have been through it, have written about it as well, and just are watching on line now who will be contacting me. So far in 6 months I have not felt the desire to see up close any of the respondents. Men seem like morons if you consider what they write on the dating sites. So, hoping I just meet someone in person who is not writing me….
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2014
Thanks, Johanna. Don’t give up. There are good guys out there. I got one. There must be more.
caringsoul
January 5, 2014
I am currently on the whole dating site thing and there just isn’t much out there. I feel your friends pain.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 6, 2014
Stay strong.
btg5885
January 6, 2014
This one is too funny, “Friends describe me as the most amazing man they’ve ever known .” They probably said this after he did something incredibly stupid. Glad I am hitched. Take care, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 6, 2014
Funny. I honestly don’t know why people write half the things they do.
Valentine Logar
January 7, 2014
Being recently made single by my runaway husband (for the second and last time) I dread the idea of ever dating again. This simply reinforces my reasoning. I think I will stay single, forever; me, my cockatoo and my cats.
I was laughing, loudly.
benzeknees
January 8, 2014
I think I would have to poke my eyes out with a stick with some of these responses!
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 9, 2014
Let’s remember, I have chosen the worst. On the other hand, let’s also remember that other women may have received responses that make these want you to grab the guy and a wedding gown and start running toward the alter.
Anonymous
January 8, 2014
Hi I Am Looking For love ,For My Mother InLaw
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 9, 2014
Good luck.
wendykarasin
January 12, 2014
This is laugh out loud funny. As a woman who has been through the online dating scene, I find these vignettes as accurate and as baffling as you describe them. What are people thing (or aren’t they)? Great post!
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 6, 2015
Thanks, Wendy. Just saw this comment. It can be a mystery, for sure. Or horrible. Or great.
wendykarasin
March 6, 2015
Yep.
Datingmadeeasy
February 19, 2014
very interesting and informative post. thanks for sharing. Trend of online dating is increasing day by day..All of my friends are involved in online dating stuff. It is much easier than meeting someone in person and wasting time in get preliminary information.
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 6, 2015
Sorry, I didn’t see this comment until now. Online dating is becoming the way most people meet. It’s just a fact of life now.
Rebecca Latson Photography
December 31, 2014
Um, so, I’m past 45 and looking in the mirror at myself and I *swear* I look 10 years younger than my real age of 53 …
Life in the Boomer Lane
March 6, 2015
Just saw this comment. Laughing. I totally believe you, especially having seen your photo. I should do an entire post about this phenomenon.