Online Dating: Sex, Love, and Other Strange Stuff

Posted on January 4, 2014


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If you are one of Life in the Boomer Lane’s three devoted fans, you may have noticed that she hasn’t written lately about online dating. This forced hiatus has been because Susan is taking a temporary break, and LBL has not been able to cajole her back into the dating pool.

LBL is happy to report that another friend has taken the plunge and has agreed to provide LBL with fresh material. We shall call this friend “Kim Kardashian,” since she is both hot and has threatened LBL with a lawsuit if her real name is used. Kim is in a younger age bracket than Susan, so the men responding are roughly in the 43-53 age range.

A caveat here: LBL is well aware that she could come across as making fun of men, especially men who want nothing more than to have a close meaningful relationship with a woman and spend endless time walking in the woods or sitting in front of a fire, both activities accomplished while holding glasses of wine. LBL is perfectly willing to make fun of women, but for that, she would need a male who would be willing to provide her with material. Thus far, no man has come forward. So here goes:

Kim posted her profile and within the first 15 minutes, received an unanticipated 500 responses. The highlights are:
I am glad you saw me see you…..I saw you because Match told me you saw me. So, I saw you see me before you saw me see you, right? So really, it should have been me who said “Hi, I see you and I know you saw me…..” but when I saw you, I was too awestruck to say anything so it was you who had to say something….and that brings us back to where we are now. See? 🙂

LBL went into a coma before she was able to fully digest this opening paragraph.


I am surprised that how someone like you is single ?:)

A note to anyone anywhere on any singles site: The above statement/question is most likely intended to be a compliment. It is, instead, a reminder to the recipient of all of the horrendous/tragic/ pitiful reasons they are on an online dating site. Please do not use that line. Ever.


The journey is the destination that we should both seek I play well with others, Execs and their mothers From C-Level to Garage Attendants, I love all life’sLove takes many things rust,hope,wishes, dreams,and everything you’ve got,even when you know it’s not going be enough.

After a careful analysis of the above, including the statement about rust, LBL is forced to conclude that an automobile has written to Kim.


And if I’m not quite “the cup of tea” and you’re cursing yourself for fat fingering the mouse, then thanks for reading about me and good luck in your search for “that guy”.

Is LBL in an especially smarmy mood or does the phrase “fat fingering the mouse” bring up famous scenes from zoo porn films?


Under Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligence’s and specifically Interpersonal Intelligence our feelings, motivations and desires seem to be parallel. I am just throwing a bunch of psychology crap at you. Sometimes, it works and other times its painful to read.

How about, Barry Schwartz’s, The Paradox of Choice where, “After a million years of survival based on simple distinctions, it may simply be that we are biologically unprepared for the number of choices we face in the modern world.” Whatever! I just liked your photos, and you seem like a great girl.

While LBL appreciates that the post-menopausal brain is lacking in whatever cells allow it to process information in the most expedient way available, she has incurred a severe case of brain whiplash after reading the above.


Friends describe me as the most amazing man they’ve ever known .

Here’s a helpful hint: Do not, under any circumstances ever use a line like that. Ever. Even if someone pays you to do so. Seriously.


I have been told that I look 10 years younger than I am.

Let’s be real clear here: Every single person on the planet over the age of 45 thinks they look ten years younger than their actual age. If you are reading this and you are over age 45, you truly believe you look 10 years younger than your age. This is a proven fact. So either there is a giant bulge of people all looking 35+ or everyone on the planet looks 10 years younger and newborns look like they shouldn’t be born for another 10 years.


I’m the guy that people come to get things done. I’m a “traditional contemporary.”

So he’s a 4 bedroom, 2 bath hit man .

If Kim decides not to go through with her threat to poke her eyes out with a fork, more will follow.