I’m leaving for London tomorrow. I’ll be there for a month (My daughter will be giving birth to her second child), and so I’ve been packing my one-allowable-but-not-more-than-50-lbs-in-weight suitcase with baby clothes that have been stored at my house, gifts, items my daughter and son-in-law can’t get in the largest city in the European Union, and glittery July Fourth headbands with American flags attached. This leaves me with a carry on in which to put everything I will need for a month.
So, you can understand why the photo I saw on the back cover of Time got my attention. Here I was, in a dither, wondering how I could possibly limit a month’s worth of clothes and whatever to 20 lbs, and there was La Jolie, in Cambodia, no less, to nothing more than a Louis Vuitton bag. Damn. She didn’t even have shoes on, and she was sitting on an old wooden boat (splinters) surrounded by a swampy environment (feet eating fish, bugs, disease-bearing microbes). I was planning to not only wear shoes to London(where pavements have been in fashion for some time now), but to have an extra pair in my carry on. It was starting to feel like entitled, wretched excess.
Worse, Jolie’s hair and make up seemed unaffected by the humidity in Cambodia, which I understand is in excess of 90%. At 20% humidity, my hair starts to puff out. At 90%, I would no longer be able to walk through doorways. At 90% humidity, my make up (although I’m not sure why I would have make up on while I was sitting in a wooden boat in the middle of a swamp in Cambodia) would have run down my forehead and permanently blinded me.
Back to the Louis Vuitton bag. My best guess was that it was filled with three of her six children (there being an airline regulation about how many children can be packed into a carry on), an application to adopt several more, and lip gloss. Oh, maybe a small photo of Brad Pitt (but I sometimes carry that as well).
The ad with Jolie is part of an advertising campaign Louis Vuitton is now running that shows a series of high profile people doing amazing and exciting things, having nothing more with them than their Louis Vuitton bags. You can follow Jolie (and others, on www.louisvuittonjourneys.com). To my knowledge, after airport security does their usual spread-eagle pat down on me (“I’m going to run my hands under your breasts now, and I won’t even bother to call you in the morning”), nobody much cares about where I go or what I do.
So, Mr Vuitton, here are more suggestions for your “Journeys” campaign, using icons instead of celebs:
Tori Nelson
June 27, 2011
Jolie insists she wore no makeup and had no professional hair team. Of course, she still insists those lips are real, too. I bet she had a back-up pair of Ga-ga-esque Meat Stilettos waiting for her just out of the shot’s frame.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Jeez, I hope they were fake meat. Otherwise, hello man-eating crocs (or whatever Cambodia has in the way of man-eating things), bye-bye La Jolie.
youngamericanwisdom.com
June 27, 2011
No makeup, my ass!
Have a wonderful time in London. Congratulations on the new grandbaby.
Lisa (Woman Wielding Words)
June 27, 2011
Of course she’s not wearing makeup. Everybody’s eyelids are naturally sultry gray aren’t they? And I’m sure she walked to the location, and her hair fell perfectly. I am truly nauseated by this ad.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Would it make you feel better to know that 30 seconds after the photo was taken, a giant poison Camboadian Swamp Lizard leapt out of the water and gobbled her up? Yeah, me too.
The Good Greatsby
June 27, 2011
I’m glad to learn I’m not the only one who carries a picture of Brad Pitt.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Goodness, Gracious, Good Great! Is this a revelation? Can I sell it to US Magazine?
Hippie Cahier
June 27, 2011
I’m glad to know that version has big feet. The one who visited me never took off her combat boots.
dufmanno
June 27, 2011
Everyone knows Moses only buys from Coach. Jeez.
Also, one day I’m going to cage fight Jolie in a Thunderdome type match and then you’ll all realize she’s actually just a underfed styrofoam muppet with a stellar PR person.
Wait, so back to the real meat of this post.
Have fun in London and enjoy yourself!
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Wow, the only cage fight I could win against Jolie would be me against her action figure. And that would only be if they tied her tiny little hands behind her tiny little back.
kim sisto robinson
June 27, 2011
Perfect.
I loved this!
Have a good time w/ your family in London.
xx
PS. Angelina would look good shaved & in a paper sack.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Thanks, Kim. Yeah, seriously. I once tried that look. But the folks at “Desperate Makeover: Post-Menopausal Edition” wouldn’t take me.
pegoleg
June 27, 2011
The good news for you, Paul, and the rest of Mankind is that the latest Louis Vuitton offerings have small Brad Pitt pictures woven into the pattern.
As they say in England; chip, chip, cheerio and all that rot, what? (that means have a great trip.)
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Thanks, Peg. And you have seriously just come up with a fabulous marketing idea: Wear Your Idol Designer Accessories! You’d make a fortune. Paul (and others) would buy a Brad Pitt wallet, man purse, netbook case, etc. The possibilities are endless: Justin Bieber training pants!
livelaughloveliquor
June 27, 2011
Enjoy your trip! And congrats on the grandbaby!
p.s. I am convinced angelina joilie is made of wax.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
Thanks. Re La Jolie: She’s made of something, all right. I still haven’t figured it out.
Amy
June 27, 2011
I really want to know what the Dali Lama keeps in his LV bag. The Jolie, not so much.
Safe travels!
lifeintheboomerlane
June 27, 2011
I think he keeps a photo of Brad Pitt.
Cindy Eve
June 28, 2011
hahahaha thats funny!
Deborah the Closet Monster
June 27, 2011
I . . . I am (nigh) speechless with the awesome of this.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 28, 2011
Thanks, Deborah!
Kathryn McCullough
June 27, 2011
I love this post, Renee! If the humidity of Cambodia is anything like Hanoi in the summer, it’s a miracle Jolie even has a face. I have never before felt such infernal, face-melting misery as I did there! And these are both countries where saving-face matters!
Facially intact,
kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 27, 2011
Ugh. My face is melting, just thinking about this.
TheIdiotSpeaketh
June 27, 2011
Have a safe and happy trip! I really hope to get back to London sometime in the near future. What an awesome city. Be safe! 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
June 28, 2011
Thanks, Paul. And you keep on pedalling!
judithhb
June 28, 2011
I wonder how she really looks sans makeup and those lips au naturel.
Enjoy London, my home town.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 28, 2011
Wow, you are a Londoner. I’ll give the city your best. I’ll bet Anglina looks like Danny DeVito without make up.
georgettesullins
June 28, 2011
Safe travel boomer girl.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 28, 2011
Thanks, Georgette!
reelingintheyears.wordpress.com
June 28, 2011
Love this! I’ve been obsessing over the handbag Rachel M. carried around in Midnight in Paris until I found out it’s a $2400 Chanel. Was Moses the one found floatin’ down the river in a LV ?
Have a wonderful trip!
lifeintheboomerlane
June 28, 2011
Thanks! Ooooh, Moses in a LV. There’s an image.
Cindy Eve
June 28, 2011
I think the only consolation we have with respect to Ms Brangelina is that the photos are more than likely posed and probably shot in a studio!
So you are coming to London……….that is just awesome and you have to contact me so that I can treat you to tea!!! thats if you would like to of course. I guess you are already on your way so most likely you will receive this on our side of the pond. if i recall my email shows on the comment so please drop me a line if you would like to meet up.
regards
Cindy
p.s. if we dont get to meet up….i wish you a fab stay in London. i invite you to check out my london blog http://www.3daysinlondon.info which you might enjoy 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
June 29, 2011
I just arrived a couple hours ago. I’d love to get together. I’ll shoot you an email at some point!
Amanda Hoving
June 29, 2011
The last time I flew, I carried Brad AND Angelina in my bag (you know — the humans), so I think the laws are getting looser.
Lunar Euphoria
July 6, 2011
I hope she packed a sandwich in that bag. She looks kinda like she needs one.
Loved this post. You make me laugh. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
July 6, 2011
Thanks, Lunar. I think she’s on a no bread/no inside sandwich diet.