More Magazine, in an eye-opening new survey of 1200 women age 60-95+, explored, among other areas, marriage, mommyhood, mates, and mistakes. While the overwhelming response of respondents was that life keeps getting better, and that, specifically, their happiest decade was after age 40 (81%), all that self-congratulatory drivel stops when the subject of parenting comes up.
In the midst of favorable responses to almost all areas of life, women over 60 considered parenting their least successful endeavor. Only 31% would have given themselves an “A” in parenting skills, as opposed to 44% in work skills. Parenting is the only category in which any 80+ woman gave herself an “F” in skills.
The survey found that women who gave themselves a high grade in parenting did so because of the outcome, rather than the input. If their children ultimately became happy, productive, caring adults, they considered themselves successful. But few felt they had been successful while enduring sleepless nights, sibling rivalry, wrecked cars, underage drinking, back talk, teen angst, toddler tantrums, and soul-destroying parent/teacher conferences.
While marriage and career were items that made women happiest in their 30s, by their 40s, this was replaced by confidence and self-awareness. By their 50s, freedom, specifically from children, was what rocked their boats.
In spite of this, 90 percent of respondents said if given another chance, they would have become parents again (and 75% of non-moms said they would choose again not to have children.) And the top thing women said they would have changed would have been to have had more children.
The best news is that researchers found that there really is something called “The Betty White Boost.” The older women got, the less likely they were to judge themselves harshly. Women in the 80 plus range, gave themselves higher marks all around in all areas of life.
We can conclude the following from this survey:
If you are younger than 60, stop whining about aging. Every birthday brings you closer to that magic time in life when all will be good. And consider that it’s really those obscene stilettos that are putting you in a bad mood, not your actual life.
If you are a young parent, stop stressing about your competence in raising children. You have none. Somehow, your kids will evolve into humanoids in spite of anything you do and there will come a time when they have you over for Thanksgiving dinner and you won’t have to do shit except sit down and enjoy the meal.
If you are single-and-looking, divorced or headed that way with your partner or spouse, we can’t help. Just know that a huge number of women over 60 said they found love at 60, 70, or 80 plus. Your prospects are bright. Just have that Astroglide ready.
If you want to ride a Harley, fly a plane, climb Machu Picchu, belly dance, run for office, or learn new sex tricks (or just have sex,) know that women over 60 are doing exactly that. The years will give you all the self-confidence you need. Just don’t tell the kids.
Snoring Dog Studio
November 17, 2012
Very reassuring. Having never had children, the outcome of that experience is at least one regret I don’t carry around with me. My parents, on the other hand… I’ll tell you this, too. I sure hope after 60 is better than my 50s. However, I’m not looking to add a partner to my life. I want more Boston Terriers.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Boston Terriers are good. The great news about 60 plus is that you can choose a husband, a partner, a dog, a gerbil, a closet full of shoes,whatever gives you pleasure. It’s all good.
The Sandwich Lady
November 17, 2012
Thankyou! I think we moms have a hair shirt hanging in our closet at all times, ready to put it on whenever our kids do something that disappoints us. With two grown kids, a teenager and three grown stepkids, I keep thinking about what a pediatrician once told me: “Kids turn out fine despite parents and pediatricians.”
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Yes, I was personally relieved to read the results of the study. I raised my kids like I cook: meticulously following recipes, forgetting half of the ingredients, and just making things up. For some reason, it always worked out fine.
Marion Driessen
November 17, 2012
Big grin, especially over your last sentence, hahaha 😀 Great post.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Thanks, Marion. I’m accumulating as many secrets from my kids as they kept from me when they were growing up.
Lynne Spreen
November 17, 2012
I read that article and loved the Betty White Boost. I think it confirms the hypothesis that things look rosier in the rear view mirror.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Yes, yes, yes. Sort of like everything, right?
speaker7
November 17, 2012
Having just recently entered my 40s, I am excited. I am also looking forward to the day I reach an age when total strangers stop asking me when I’m having a second child. I’m not. Because it’s hard as shit. And I’m 40.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Tell them you have eight kids but just let them out on a rotating basis.
Lynn Schneider
November 17, 2012
It is gratifying to know that I am not the only one who looks bac and thinks they sucked at parenting.
Lynn Schneider
November 17, 2012
Uh, back.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
And you were probably way better than you thought you were.
Melanie Bruce
November 17, 2012
Love this post and the comments. Being in the middle of the world’s worst menopause, I need HOPE!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Menopause will end, and you will come out on the other side even better. Fact.
The Byronic Man
November 17, 2012
As a 42-year-old with a newborn… this information does not fill me with optimism…
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
I am in awe of you. I had my third child at 34. I had my first two in my twenties. By the time the youngest came along, I let him eat dirt and pee on the floor, as long as he didn’t require anything of me.
chlost
November 17, 2012
My response to those who have told me that my kids are great adults (and yes, they are) is that I take little credit or responsibility for how they have turned out. Parenting is such a hard job. If we had annual performance reviews, we’d likely be fired. But the finished product generally will pass inspection.
Good review of the recent research!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Thanks, and yes, that statement is so true. Parenting is HARD and a lot of times, we suck at it. But amazingly, it’s all great in the end.
ryoko861
November 17, 2012
Also, remember women over 60 (and even just in their 50’s) are looking for much much older men, for when he dies, they’ll be left with it all!
If and when I divorce, I’m not marrying again. I got rid of one idiot, why do I want another?
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
That reminds me of an amusing story, if it were for the fact that it’s so tragic….
benzeknees
November 17, 2012
As I head for my 60’s it’s nice to know all the things I will still be able to do – especially since I can’t do them now LOL!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Funny, that’s what I think about things like skydiving, running marathons, and cycling. Will age allow me to do these things that scare the shit out of me now?
deedialogueblog
November 17, 2012
I’m in my 40’s with no kids. “Dee”, the other half of the “Dee Dialogue Blog” is 70 with four kids. Both of us agree that we wouldn’t change anything and that we have gained more confidence and have become less self-conscious with age. Great article! ~Vicki
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 17, 2012
Thanks, Vicki, and I love that you have partnered with a 70-year-old to write your blog. I think the years after 40 just keep getting more and more kick-ass. I’m 65 and I am really looking forward to 70.
deedialogueblog
November 17, 2012
Aging doesn’t scare me, either. I’m looking forward to people seeing my eccentricities as endearing, rather than just plain odd!
Angeline M
November 17, 2012
I’m 65, have triplets plus one singleton. My husband and I must have amnesia because we are currently on vacation in Hawaii with a nine year old grandson who began telling us he was bored about five minutes after landing in the islands. Having kids is fine….just keep your wits about you and watch out for the grandkids.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 18, 2012
Taking a nine-year-old to Hawaii has to be a blog post. I’m sort of scared to be with my grandchildren when they hit that “I’m bored” age.
Betty Londergan
November 17, 2012
What a positive column! I am turning 60 next year and have spent this year traveling around the world for Heifer International — but the adventure I’m most looking forward to is …grandbabies!!! (And yes, I wish I had had more than 1 child, too!!)
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 18, 2012
Betty, you continue to be the best example of what this age can be. I do believe grandchildren, for many reasons, can be one of life’s the greatest adventures. I’ll be starting a new blog soon (Guerilla Aging) and will be inviting women to guest post. I want you to write for it!
BABYBOOMER johanna van zanten
November 17, 2012
Great post. Funny, yes, the older I get the happier I am and the better I think my parenting was–or is that my memory failing?
Johanna
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 18, 2012
Right on. I’m looking forward to the day when I remember only my wise decisions. I’m still waiting….