Top iPhone Apps for Post-50s Folks

Posted on January 2, 2012

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Thanks to Huff/Post, we post-50s can stay up on the latest apps to make our lives worth living:

The “It’s Done” app allows you to look back confidently that you did, indeed, take that vitamin or medication, turn off the oven, or write to the newspaper with unique ways to solve the budget deficit. There is only one problem with this app: Unless the app comes with an actual person who watches you doing whatever it is you are supposed to be doing and then clicks “Done!” be warned. There is a possibility for mayhem: You could take the meds, forget where the phone is, find the phone, forget what it is you were supposed to remember that you did, put the phone down, and take the meds again. This cycle can be repeated until all the meds are gone, or until you pass out.

Holding your menu dangerously close to the decorative candles at that new trendy restaurant you decided to try? This “Magnifying” app utilizes the LED light of the iPhone 4 to help reading both small print and print in dark areas. Gently shake your phone once to activate the LED light and use Eye Reader on prescription labels or use “Save Picture” to send fine print to your photo roll.  It would seem far easier to just frequent restaurants like Dennys, where the flourescent lighting allows even the most visually impaired folks to see the menu, and the Senior Spcials are nothing to sneeze at.

The “Symptom-To-Provider” pathway, created by two doctors, helps you by answering the two most common questions people have as they go about their day: “What could be wrong with me?” and “Where should I go for treatment?”  This will be especially helpful for all the depleted gene pool folks who cross the street, oblivious to traffic lights or oncoming traffic, while seraching for answers to these questions. Now, when they are hit by a car, they can lie in the street, diagnosing their symptoms (“copious blood loss”) while the ambulance is on its way.

End your days of wandering aimlessly around parking lots and parking garages, repeatedly clicking the “lock” button on your car keys. The “Find My Car” app features a map that automatically zooms and pans as you move closer to your parking location and can also remind you when it is time to refill parking meters.

This may be not only the most important app ever created, it may rival the invention of the wheel and the discovery of extra-pepperoni pizza. This writer has done many years of meticulous research on how, exactly, people lose their cars in parking lots and garages.  She has come to the following conclusions: 1. One’s car is secretly moved when one leaves the garage or parking lot 2. The entire garage level or parking lot level is secretly moved when one leaves.  3. The car is temporary camoflaged as another car, until one walks around the parking lot or garage about 10 times, calls Now Husband (twice), and then cries. A lot. On the 11th trip around the lot or garage, the car mysteriously appears in exactly the place where one has left it.

One app still in development is the ”Automatic Facebook Entry” app, in which, without your having to do anything,  will automatically post photos of  babies, puppies and angels on your home page,  as well as several-times-a-day deeply inspirational messages such as “If you own your problems, your problems can’t own you.”  It will also, each Monday, post “I hate Mondays” and will randomly post “Grrr” or “Uh oh,” so as to elicit as least 50 responses of “Oh no, what’s wrong?”  A second, complimentary app will automatically post a photo of your breakfast each morning.

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