Sex and the Sixty (Year Old) Pt6

Posted on May 29, 2010


Life in the Boomer Lane thought she had covered all of Susan’s experiences of the initial meetings with men, but she had forgotten one very important episode.

When Susan agreed to her rules about coffee only/60 minute limit, she decided it would be a good idea to knock out (most likely not literally) as many men as possible on a daily basis, and thus began setting up two coffee dates per weekend day, one per hour. The venue was a local bagel bakery in a crowded suburb of DC.

On one especially lucrative day, Susan managed to schedule three men, back-to-back. She set up a 10:00 a.m. date, went in, got a cup of coffee, sat innocently at the table in a bright chartreuse shirt (easily identifiable so that no man would ever mistake another woman for her), and waited for her date. Enter Date #1. He found her, they chatted. After approximately 50 minutes, she walked him out the door, said good-bye in the parking lot and then headed back into the bagel place.

She then touched up her lipstick, rid herself of the cup of coffee, and checked to make sure her mascara was still in place. I’m not sure why Susan felt that the act of drinking coffee would damage her mascara, unless the coffee were so hot as to make her make up evaporate, in which case, it would also have been suitable material for a lawsuit.

She procured another cup of coffee and waited for her next victim/date. Date #2 entered, and he and Susan went through the same scenario. In 45-50 minutes, Date #2 was out the door. For her third date, Susan re-entered the bagel bakery, and she was handed her third cup of coffee. As she walked away from the counter to pay for it, she overheard one of the cashiers whisper to another cashier “Ah, here comes the Bagel Hooker again.”

LBL can relate to this. For a couple years before she started dating Now Husband, she met all of her online dates at a diner that was directly across the street from her office. That way, she could, at whatever moment she desired, announce, “Wow, gotta get back to the office!” Unlike Susan, LBL didn’t schedule dates back-to-back. But Susan has always been much more efficient than LBL was about men.

Unlike a coffee or bagel shop, this diner had a hostess who would seat people. Each week LBL had one or two meetings with men. Each time she would say to the hostess, “I’m meeting a man here but I don’t know exactly what he looks like.” Then, after an hour, they would leave together. After several weeks, LBL noticed that whenever she came into the diner, the employees would stop what they were doing, watch her, and shake their heads, knowingly.

Then one morning, LBL met her friend Crazy Debbie, for breakfast at the diner. Debbie is nothing if not memorable. It was a weekend morning, and the diner was very crowded. LBL arrived first and got a booth at the far end of the room. About ten minutes later, Debbie swept into the diner wearing a nightgown, fur boots, and a tiara. She had a purple oval painted on her forehead. When the hostess asked if she could help her, Debbie replied in a very loud voice, “I’m meeting my lover here!” scanned the room, located LBL, pointed in her direction and announced, “And there she is!”

From that moment on, LBL morphed from a mere call girl into a genuine celebrity in the eyes of the diner staff.

LBL believes she has now covered all bases leading up to relating the actual live meetings between Susan and Her Men. That, depending on how long this friendship lasts at this point, will await that time until either Susan accumulates more stories or until she remembers the ones that were so traumatic that she has temporarily blocked them from her memory.