Winning, Always Winning. Even When Losing.

Life in the Boomer Lane must apologize to Loyal Readers. She saw the up-to-the-second headline about Nikki Haley throwing her hat into the wrestling ring with Donald J. This needs a blog post, for sure, but LBL had already written the following post. And, blame her for what you will, but she has never been accused of squandering blog posts. So you guys have to slog through this one, before she entices you with tidbits about the upcoming Trump vs Haley Elephant and More Elephant Show.

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DJT has more attorneys than a Dairy Queen Honey Hot Glazed Chicken Strip Basket has calories (1200.) One of said attorneys is Alina Habba, who has just revealed that her client is winning his court cases oh yes uh huh absolutely. Habba is doing this as a matter of public service, to correct the bad and wrong and always-covering-up-shit media for saying that Trump was losing his cases, forcing his legion of followers (according to TJ, a number that equals the entire revenue of the fast food industry in the US: 278 billion) unwarranted mental and intestinal distress.

Habba makes an irrefutable case for why DJ is winning cases. “He is incredibly bright, he always has been, and he’s always been by the book.” This is especially interesting, since jurisprudence has never, to LBL’s knowledge, depended on the intelligence of the accused. It does, however, help both investigators and attorneys to substantiate a case.

Life in the Boomer Lane did glom onto to Hebba’s comment about TJ doing things by the book. LBL loves books, and needed to know which book Hebba was referring to. She wasn’t sure, so she did some research into the actual books that have been associated with DJ. Thanks to her LBL’s stellar investigative skills on Google, she has come up with a list of any books that are a possibility.

1. The Bible, which DJ used as a prop on June 1, 2020 during the George Floyd protests. DJ stood in front of St Matthews Church in Washington, DC, holding the sacred text upside down and declaring that he co-authored it. This, somehow, had to do with George Floyd being beaten to death by a white Minneapolis police officer, for allegedly using a counterfeit $20 bill..

2. Mein Kamph, which is alleged to have been on DJ’s bedside table at the White House. Not quite. But, according to a 1990 Vanity Fair interview, Ivana Trump once told her lawyer Michael Kennedy that her husband kept a book of Hitler’s speeches near his bed. LBL would have liked to have known more, specifically if any of the speeches played a role in Mr and Mrs Trump’s love life, but Ivana appears to be permanently unavailable for comment.

3. the four books that have DJ’s name listed on the cover at the bottom. These were ghost-written, but the ghosts have attested on several occasions that DJ had no input on the actual writing.

4. Bob Woodward, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and author of “Fear,” is being sued by DJ in an as-of-the-moment court case, alleging Woodward had no permission to release the content of audio tapes of his interview with DJ. Woodward is being taken to court to the tune of exactly the same amount of money that McDonald’s loses each month by shuttering its food emporiums in Russia ($50 mil)

5. Actual books that DJ has read with his own eyeballs range from zero to whatever number one wants to consider. Some lists say he “loves” certain books. LBL can relate. She “loves” most of the scrolls in the Great Library of Alexandria, estimated to have been as large a number as Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches sold each day (400,000). But, since the library ceased operations in the 260s AD (a perfect storm of warfare, dwindling resources and general failure of readers to return scrolls in a timely manner), LBL can only “love” the idea of these books, not the reality. If pressed to do so, she could not tell you how many were thrillers, how many were cookbooks, and how many were graphic novels.

Those of us poor slobs who have to depend on the sketchy data being put out by any number of news outlets, are being told that the per centage of cases that DJ loses equals the same exact number as the per centage of adults who ask “Why did I just do that?” after eating a Quadruple Bypass Burger at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas (97%). And, as a public service to those Readers who are anticipating a trip to Vegas to partake of such culinary wonder, know that the burger packs in at 9982 calories (coincidently, only slightly less than what one would consume if one ate one Chicken McNugget every five minutes for 18 hours).

For some reason that she can’t explain, LBL now has no appetite for dinner.