Is This the End of the World or Are My Allergies Just Acting Up

Posted on November 30, 2018


Life in the Boomer Lane has known for some time that, several years ago,  she exceeded the legal limit for grandchildren. This was confirmed over Thanksgiving week, when she spent time with six of them, their parents, Then Husband and Then Husband’s wife.  In spite of the loving mayhem, LBL was able to keep track of world events making their relentless march toward oblivion. Mars kept sounding better and better.

Mama Earth expressed displeasure about our treatment of her, and took it out on both Florida and California. Countless residents of both states fled for their lives and returned to demolished homes and communities.

The Muller investigation continued to wade through the stinkpile created by a rogue’s gallery of individuals who, like their leader, truly believed that ideals were limited to whatever would put cash in their pockets.

POTUS had clever ways of dealing with all of our problems. Climate change continued to be a hoax. The California wildfires were caused by people not raking their leaves. Mueller was accused of McCarthyism, coercion, and bad posture.  Russia continued to be our friend. The synagogue in which Jews were murdered didn’t have enough security.  Migrants were murderers, sex offenders, gang members, and spoke the wrong language. Continental drift continued to drift.

The only relief LBL has at hand is her ability to access antihistamines when her allergies act up, as they frequently do. Since POTUS has not yet declared allergies to be a hoax, she is safe for the moment.  One little pill is able to stop her nose from running, her eyes from itching, and her head from being invaded by a giant sponge that obliterates all thought processes.

This got her to thinking. Could it possibly be that her allergies are predisposing her to view the world in a cynical way?  Is this not actually the end of the world, but a sort of Golden age for reality TV?   Is POTUS not actually a manifestation of a more rotund, intellectually and hair–challenged version of the Devil?  Is climate change simply an opportunity to buy land inland and wait for the ocean to catch up? Is California not  basically a fake place anyway?  Are zillions of insects not really moving north in an attempt to wipe out the world with tropical diseases? Is the Alt-Right a big potential sweetheart and simply misguided, rather than a bunch of both intellectual and physical thugs? Are we still the greatest country on earth even though our life spans keep decreasing, while gun violence keeps rising?

While writing this post, Now Husband walked into the room and declared that 80% of all flying insects are now gone.  LBL suspects POTUS will take full credit for this.   Due to both his legendary intelligence and prodigious might,  flying insects, like migrants, were forced elsewhere, in order to make us safer and more comfortable and able to play golf without using bug spray.  (The only people who might be disappointed about the demise of flying insects would be those who were looking forward to obliterating their own tiny, pesky neighbors by exercising their 2nd Amendment rights.)


Posted in: humor, rant, satire