Life in the Boomer Lane knows about married people arguing over whether or not to have children. Then, after they do, they argue about what to do with them. She knows they argue about money, infidelity, in-laws and sex (among themselves, not with in-laws). She is aware of any number of books, workshops, therapists, couples’ retreats, and TV shows that help people deal with such relationship-threatening topics. To date, she is not aware of any resource that enables people to overcome the growing animosity that results from a difference between partners on their vision of dealing with trash in one’s home.
LBL grew up in a family that had little money and few amenities in life. They may have lacked a car and the ability to take vacations. But they did have a kitchen trash bin. Not only that, but her family could afford to buy the same kind of metal trash bin as other more financially successful families had. Best of all, they prided themselves on being able to produce every bit as much trash as the next guy did. Trash, it seemed, was the great equalizer.
LBL would never have believed that trash would become a bone of contention between herself and Now Husband. For years, the trash bin sat under the butcher block table, in the middle of the kitchen. A plastic trash bag was placed in the bin, and a swing top sat over it. Somewhere along the line, the swing top broke, and LBL and Now Husband discovered that it was easier to simply dump trash into the bin without the top. So the bin was never replaced.
About a year ago, LBL noticed that suddenly, instead of the trash bags that were usually in the bin (top quality, with pull ties), little plastic grocery bags were hanging from the side of the bin. LBL assumed that Now Husband was too lazy to walk down the basement stairs to get the big bags. But then she, herself, put a big bag into the bin one day and was shocked to discover that a little bag still appeared, hanging from the big bag. This was quite disturbing to LBL. Now it was time to have a serious trash sitdown with Now Husband.
Now Husband explained that the two of them simply didn’t produce enough trash each day to fill a big bag, and he didn’t like the idea of “organic material” sitting around. The little bags were perfect for the amount of trash they created each day. LBL listened carefully to his defense of little trash bags, and explained that when she threw trash into the bin, she often missed the little bag and the trash ended up falling to the floor of the bin. She suggested that they replace the big bin with a little bin, suitable for little bags. Now Husband thought this was a bad idea for any number of reasons.
What ensued was a realization that, for the first time in their now ten-year marriage, they were completely unable to come up with any path to compromise. The trash conundrum had done them in. LBL was so demoralized by this that she spent a lot of time on Pinterest, searching for clever ways people dealt with their trash. It took a long time, as she had to also make frequent detours to check cute shoes and Suzanne Sullivan ceramics.
After awhile, she found a system she could live with, similar to the pull-out trash drawers people have in their newer homes. She planned to call a contractor to build such a system under the butcher block table. She was, in effect, about to spend about $500 to do exactly the same thing as the $29.99 Rubbermaid trash bin had been doing quite well.
Before she even got around to calling the contractor, she pulled out the bin one day to discover that there were now two little trash bags hanging from the sides of the bin. Now Husband, pleased as punch with himself for creating what he considered an efficient system for trash, decided to add one for recycling. And, because the county no longer accepted grocery bags for recycling, the recycled items had to be put into a paper bag. Worse, the items were all mixed up within the bags.
LBL was so demoralized about this latest turn of events that she had to take an entire day off to do nothing but read articles about the presidential race, in order to wipe out any semblance of rational thought in her head.
LBL doesn’t know what to do in order to save her marriage. She asked Now Husband if he had a problem using the big trash bags in the bin when Only Daughter and her family were visiting next week. He said he had no problem with that, since they produced a huge amount of trash and the big bag would be easily filled each day.
LBL knows this is only a temporary fix, since eventually, Only Daughter and her family will return to Brooklyn. LBL would consider asking Only Daughter and her family to move in permanently, but she suspects that, after a while, Now Husband would figure out a way to hang four little bags from the top of the trash bin.
LBL invites marriage therapists to look into this issue, while she goes back on Pinterest.
Barb Knowles
August 8, 2016
This is great. I laughed out loud. We don’t have trash issues, and managed to compromise as to whether or not the Christmas tree lights should blink. For us, it’s the air conditioner. I just got annoyed writing that.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
And, because Now Husband and I don’t have air conditioner issues, I started laughing when I read your last line. Sorry about that. We should all trade issues. We’d probably all want our own back.
Chris White
August 8, 2016
Ah, trash. You can’t live with it. You can’t live without it. Where I live, recycling is almost unheard of. And some of the trash is still breathing. No, that is definitely a dead cat that a neighbour threw out. No … it’s a rug. No. It’s a dead cat holding a rug.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
I will have nightmares for quite some time over “is still breathing.” I thought that only happened in Hersey, in Mafia neighborhoods.
Keith
August 8, 2016
Renee, comment to Now Husband. I am not going to waste time arguing over trash. You knock yourself out, but just remember to take it out or I will dump it in your car. Keith
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
Oh lord, you just reminded me of another issue! Now Husband is so finnicky about his car. Road trips are tough, with trash and crumbs and coffee splotches and whatever. The poor boy can’t wait to get home to clean everything. I, on the other hand, take artistic license with my car.
Keith
August 9, 2016
When we got rid of our van when the kids were older, we found some almost fossilized French fries and chicken nuggets. Your Now Husband would not have cared for this. I did not care for it, but tolerated it.
Kate Crimmins
August 8, 2016
I am with Now Husband. My Now Husband used big trash bags for 1 person went he was single. The kitchen would stink from decaying banana peels (the only fruit he ate) and hoagie onions before it was time to remove for trash pickup. When we got together, I converted him to a small office trash can and amazingly enough, a recycled grocery bag fits in. We change it out every day and his bananas and onions decay quietly in the garage where they belong! I will have to cruise the internet to see if there is a system I can spend outrageous sums of money for that is less effective (and check out the shoes).
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
I don’t know if I could have married a man who lived with the smell of hoagie onions. I gag from the smell of onions (seriously). I guess if he was hot, I would have just cavorted with him off site. I suggested the little can approach to NH, but then we’d have to bend over to throw things in as we cooked. It goes on and on…
Kate Crimmins
August 9, 2016
When a guy is over 60, I’m not sure “hot” is the right word.
Andrew Reynolds
August 8, 2016
The answer is simple – generate more trash. Perhaps you have neighbors who’d be happy to drop off their trash for your husband to take out everyday.
Or you could move to my city, here you have to paid for grocery bags (10 cents each) and mostly we bring own bags to the store. Here, he’d have now choice but to buy the bigger trash bags as they are cheaper than the little grocery bags.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
I’d have to approve what their trash looks like, first. I have my standards. I love that cities are charging for plastic bags. Secretly, though, I have to admit to believing that all the fuss over plastic bags is nothing compared to the massive amount of fossil fuel being consumed that continues to disrupt the natural order of things and hasten the effects of climate change. There, I’ve done my spouting off for the day.
djlovestories
August 8, 2016
Maybe you could use two bins side by side, onde for recycled and another one for organics…
djlovestories
August 8, 2016
* Two smaller bins
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
The problem is that we’d want the bins to be high, high and small. There is nothing like that.
Seeing Clarely
August 8, 2016
Genetically I am on your Now Husband’s side because I come from a mother who was a master (mistress) of garbage organization. However, I also tend to have poor aim.
Our marital problem is whether to drive the wheeled (outdoor) bins into their storage positions straight in (easier to push in and pull out, but then they open away from you and are awkward for tossing in the daily bag), or whether to wrestle them around so the opening lid is more convenient during the week. Can you help? We have been married 35 years. I am deferring to my Eternal Husband on this issue only because I don’t want to take responsibility for garbage detail.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
Ohdeargod, I am so glad you brought this up. Our exterior receptacles (I love using big words) are at the side of the front porch. When they are turned the wrong way, I’m going through all kinds of contortions to throw anything in. I’ve almost tossed myself in, on at least one occasion.
Taswegian1957
August 8, 2016
I’d have to agree with Now Husband about recycling but I would not like two small bags in the same bin either so I think the two small bin idea is the one I’d go for but then you’d have to remember which one is which.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
Exactly.
ugiridharaprasad
August 8, 2016
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
Thanks for the reblog!
Sherrie
August 9, 2016
My solution- I hang trash or store plastic bags from knobs on my cabinets. Bought a perfect trash ( I call it a can not a bin – you were from a different part of Philly) can at IKEA but have never used it. It sits under the sink and it is too much trouble to open door! One bag for trash and one bag for recyclables. It works.
Life in the Boomer Lane
August 9, 2016
Hilarious about hanging the trash bag. I sometimes hang mine on a hook next to the sink. Then I hang a towel on the hook and forget about the trash bag. Re Philly: We were a class act in East Oak Lane. Just a couple blocks from the Hot Shoppes, where all the kids hung out. Heaven.