In an effort to distract herself from the current Mediterranean migrant crisis, as well as the current assemblage of US warships off off the coast of Yemen, Life in the Boomer Lane took a quick peek at various periodicals, in order to find something that would lift her mood.
National Geographic informed her that warming climates have now allowed pine beetles to ravage the west. They are spreading across Canada. The result: Loss of millions of acres of forests, homes, wildlife, and crops. She continued to search.
Other periodicals informed her of other man-made ecological disasters, including the Koch Brothers, as well as the bulging field of Republican Presidential wannabes, all trying to outdo each other in an attempt to make LBL’s brain implode. She moved on.
She read in the NY Times that a 93-year-old former SS member at a Nazi death camp admitted in a German court on Tuesday that he was complicit in the murders of 300,000 mostly Hungarian Jews in two months during two busy months in the summer of 1944. Again, she moved on. She was losing hope.
She hit pay dirt with Time Magazine. Time, in it’s current issue about icons (Yes, Kanye, you made it), included a “What’s Next” section. It asked various super influential people what they thought would be the future of their fields. Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, suggested charitable shopping, in which companies donate one-for-one goods to those in developing countries. For example, Buy a pair of Tom’s shoes here and wear them as you sip lattes at your favorite craft-brewed (crop-to-cup, small batch, hybrid bean, cold roasted and served within 48 hrs of being roasted, each cup poured from a height of at least 18 inches) coffee shop on the streets of Brooklyn, and you will know that Tom’s will have sent a pair of shoes to some poor shoeless guy somewhere on the planet who might live in a place that is so wretched that shoes, or no shoes, he can’t even get to a Starbucks.
LBL can only assume that if she buys a pair of Spanx at her local women’s wear emporium, some unfortunate post-menopausal woman in a developing country will be sent a similar pair of Spanx, in order to keep her body tidy-looking while she out working, in order to keep her family alive.
Of course, the psychological perks afforded to our sisters in under-developed countries to make themselves as attractive as possible should not be minimized. Only their bulges should be. What better way to lift the spirits of someone who suspects that her daily intake of calories might be less than what is normally required to keep a person alive, than to tell her that she is a bit plump in places and needs some reining in? The ability to be a fashionista shouldn’t be limited to women in developed nations.
Other companies should take note. Have a gel polish mani/pedi here, and someone someplace else can have one. Participate in a hot yoga session here and someone elsewhere can do the same. Purchase a designer cell phone cover or eyelash extensions or get daily blowouts, and know that the world can share your fortune. Consumption can be beautiful, indeed.
.
btg5885
April 22, 2015
Renee, quite funny. There are a number of candidates for President, where someone should take them aside and say, “Please don’t waste your or our time, sweetie.” The refugee crisis from Africa and the Middle East needs a higher being to say “out of the pool” to everyone concerned. Bashar Al Assad is now President over a country that has been ruined and it does not look like it will be fixed any time soon. Yemen has been the labor pool for Saudi Arabia and ISIS and groups like them are exploiting disenfranchisement everywhere. Mind you, they don’t really want to run things as feeding, providing water, taking out the trash, getting rid of sewage, and providing opportunity is boring, but so very needed. They just want to disrupt. We need to focus more humanitarian and sustainable improvements, where the disenfranchised have a chance. It is sad and funny when folks say the US should get more involved militarily – the answer to this is “and do what?” Sorry for the diatribe. BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 25, 2015
Great commentary, BTG, although I did read that ISIS is now running itself like a government. They have hospitals where “anyone who is sick” can avail themselves of the services. One can only imagine. And schools in which women can attend, until a certain grade. They won’t teach certain courses, like democracy and tourism.
btg5885
April 25, 2015
I had not read this, but my guess is they have to let some things be run, or they would be spending more time with the chaos in the cities they took over.
Anonymous
April 22, 2015
This is one of your best! What a relief to know that Spanx may be available throughout the world to women who don’t have enough to eat…
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 25, 2015
Thanks. Yes, Spanx will either save the world, or choke it to death.
The Daily Junior
April 22, 2015
I know just what you mean.
Here at The Daily Junior, we are always worrying and monitoring current events,so we also needed cheering up. In our quest for ‘transparency” in all things, we found out that a new transparent frog has been discovered and he looks strangely just like Kermit. Coincidence? I think not.
Pondering Frog Karma is just what we needed however- something green for us here at TDJ to obsess and develop theories on besides Earth day and world peace (or lack thereof)
We love your Spanx stories. Gets right to the bottom of things.
Best.
Jill and Junior
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 25, 2015
Thanks, DJ. A transparent frog? This is news. Maybe species are all going transparent, as a way of preventing elimination. If we don’t notice them, we won’t screw them up.
Andi
April 22, 2015
Thank you for exposing the ridiculous scrambled sentiments put out there in the media. The Spanx mogul needs to put one of those garments over her head.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 25, 2015
Thanks, Andi. There probably is a Head Spanx, for those of us whose heads have gotten a tad bit too big for their hats.
reneejohnsonwrites
April 22, 2015
The last time I wore a bodyshaper, I came straight home and threw them in the trash. Why do we torment ourselves in such way?
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 25, 2015
It’s always fun to write about Spanx. Everyone always agrees with me as to how odious they are, as the founder keeps raking in the money selling them.