Joy to the World

Posted on April 22, 2015


Migrants in Mediterranean

In an effort to distract herself from the current Mediterranean migrant crisis, as well as the current assemblage of US warships off off the coast of Yemen, Life in the Boomer Lane took a quick peek at various periodicals, in order to find something that would lift her mood.

National Geographic informed her that warming climates have now allowed pine beetles to ravage the west. They are spreading across Canada. The result: Loss of millions of acres of forests, homes, wildlife, and crops. She continued to search.

Other periodicals informed her of other man-made ecological disasters, including the Koch Brothers, as well as the bulging field of Republican Presidential wannabes, all trying to outdo each other in an attempt to make LBL’s brain implode. She moved on.

She read in the NY Times that a 93-year-old former SS member at a Nazi death camp admitted in a German court on Tuesday that he was complicit in the murders of 300,000 mostly Hungarian Jews in two months during two busy months in the summer of 1944. Again, she moved on. She was losing hope.

She hit pay dirt with Time Magazine. Time, in it’s current issue about icons (Yes, Kanye, you made it), included a “What’s Next” section. It asked various super influential people what they thought would be the future of their fields. Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, suggested charitable shopping, in which companies donate one-for-one goods to those in developing countries. For example, Buy a pair of Tom’s shoes here and wear them as you sip lattes at your favorite craft-brewed (crop-to-cup, small batch, hybrid bean, cold roasted and served within 48 hrs of being roasted, each cup poured from a height of at least 18 inches) coffee shop on the streets of Brooklyn, and you will know that Tom’s will have sent a pair of shoes to some poor shoeless guy somewhere on the planet who might live in a place that is so wretched that shoes, or no shoes, he can’t even get to a Starbucks.

LBL can only assume that if she buys a pair of Spanx at her local women’s wear emporium, some unfortunate post-menopausal woman in a developing country will be sent a similar pair of Spanx, in order to keep her body tidy-looking while she out working, in order to keep her family alive.

Of course, the psychological perks afforded to our sisters in under-developed countries to make themselves as attractive as possible should not be minimized. Only their bulges should be. What better way to lift the spirits of someone who suspects that her daily intake of calories might be less than what is normally required to keep a person alive, than to tell her that she is a bit plump in places and needs some reining in? The ability to be a fashionista shouldn’t be limited to women in developed nations.

Other companies should take note. Have a gel polish mani/pedi here, and someone someplace else can have one. Participate in a hot yoga session here and someone elsewhere can do the same. Purchase a designer cell phone cover or eyelash extensions or get daily blowouts, and know that the world can share your fortune. Consumption can be beautiful, indeed.