WordPress now tells Life in the Boomer Lane that she has 10,000 followers. She would immediately have to start purchasing larger hats were it not for several important facts:
1. She has no idea who these people are. The number of people who comment on her blog posts has actually gone down, not up. And, while she truly reveres anyone who takes the time to read anything she has written, she believes the other 9990 have no GPS and ended up in the wrong place.
2. While her stats have, indeed, gone up, they in no way indicate that anywhere near 10,000 (or even 1000 or even 500) people are reading this blog.
3. Moses had between 2.5 and 3 million followers on his trek to Canaan. LBL doubts she could round up even 20 followers for a two block walk to the Safeway for coffee Haagen Dazs.
On the other hand, let us not downplay the significance of the number 10,000. If seen through the lens of history and popular culture, we can appreciate just what this number means.
In 10,000 BC, the Neolithic Revolution appeared. This was the dividing line between our lives as hunter-gatherers and the beginning of agriculture. Agriculture allowed mankind to live in one place only, immediately giving rise to people qvetching that they never got to go anywhere.
Astrology was invented 10,000 years ago in Egypt, providing single Egyptians with the great opening line in bars of “What’s your sign?”
There are 10,000 species of microbes (bacteria) in the human body. All of them are currently wreaking havoc in LBL’s chest, causing sounds that alternate between gurgling and a death rattle.
10,000 boomers retire each day. It was difficult enough to find parking at the gym. Now it will be impossible.
Upon awakening each morning, LBL’s hair goes in approximately 10,000 different directions. All of them are bad.
All blue-eyed people have been traced back to one ancestor who lived 10,000 years ago along the Black Sea. He holds the record for the largest pay out of child support, which continues to this day.
The average sumo wrestler consumes 10000 calories per day. LBL has been known to do the same between Halloween and New Year.
Popular singer Usher owns 10,000 pairs of shoes but has as yet been unable to increase his number of feet.
Four out of ten Americans believe that god created the earth 10,000 years ago, coinciding with the appearance of both anatomically modern humans and dinosaurs. These anatomically modern humans played with the dinosaurs, who were basically the big slobbering happy puppy dogs of cave society.
If LBL were to arrange all 10,000 of her followers head to feet, the line would stretch from LBL’s house in Virginia all the way to her front lawn, at which point the remaining 9999 people would tell LBL to do something anatomically unfeasible. They would then use LBL’s own laptop to unfollow her blog and she would have to start all over again, slogging for new followers.
There are about 10,000 reasons why you have better ways to spend your time than to read this blog. But if you ignore all of those and read anyway, LBL wants you to know that you are making her feel as though the wacky thoughts that permanently reside in her head are, incredibly, of some kind of use. And for that, she is grateful beyond measure.
Chuck
September 30, 2014
Just wanted to let you know I am at least one of those readers.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Chuck. I am honored.
notquiteold
September 30, 2014
I am SO impressed, even if 9999 followers are imaginary. I am a real person, but sometimes I suspect that 9999 people are following me.
notquiteold
September 30, 2014
Oh, btw, I have seen my followers go up and my stats go down. I figure these people follow me, but don’t read. They just like to get the email, because they are lonely.
katecrimmins
September 30, 2014
This is the best explanation I have heard for why the stats and followers don’t correlate!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
I am happy to hear that the stats of others make no sense at all. Are they all being determined by a rat on a wheel in a lab somewhere?
katecrimmins
October 2, 2014
I don’t think he is on a wheel. I think he is on drugs.
Val Boyko
September 30, 2014
Makes me look at numbers in a new light 😉
Thank you for the chuckle!
Taswegian1957
September 30, 2014
Thanks for making me laugh.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
It’s what I live for.
Nataly Rubinstein
September 30, 2014
Love reading your blogs!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Nataly!
She's a Maineiac
September 30, 2014
I’d follow you anywhere, Renee, especially to get some ice cream.
I don’t know about you, but my stats have stayed almost exactly the same since I first started and had about 300 followers. The same number of actual readers view my posts no matter how many followers I have, so I’ve come to the conclusion most of them are cats.
pegoleg
September 30, 2014
Ditto, Darlinski. Subscribers: up, Readers: same, Commenters: down.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
You have a zillion (give or take) commenters. If yours are down, there is no hope for anyone.
pegoleg
October 2, 2014
Well YOU pick the greatest pictures and have become frightfully dependable as a blogger. Where do you come up with fab post ideas week after week? You’re making the rest of us look like slugs, Renee!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
This actually scares me more then if they were zombies.
lisaann268
September 30, 2014
Congrats Renee. 10k Big Deal!!!!
Lisa
*Lisa Copeland* *”The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier Over 50!”* http://www.findaqualityman.com
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Lisa! Luckily for me I’m too short to feel smug.
Lorna's Voice
September 30, 2014
The funny thing about followers…I seem to get more of them when I post less. I’m getting the message loud and clear! 😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Me too. My take on that is that when you post a lot, people think they can wait to read. If you slow down, they are more inclined to value the posts. Either that, or I have no idea.
Lorna's Voice
October 2, 2014
Interesting theory, or lack thereof. 😉
Retirementallychallenged.com
September 30, 2014
Count me as one of the 10,000 people who consider reading your posts as a good use of my time (draw your own conclusions). Now, I need to track down my ancestor in the Black Sea and find out where my child support payments are.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Seriously.
Charles
September 30, 2014
Funny post. I must say, part of your problem is clearly your taste in ice cream. Two or three words… Moo Llennium Crunch…
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Ah, I have an issue with clever ice cream names that indicate lots of ingredients. I feel like my taste buds will implode from too many ingredients at once. That said, I will check it out.
kfield2013
September 30, 2014
I very much enjoy each and every post that I have read from LBL. I am new to this whole blogging world and there are only a few blogs that I truly read religiously. Yours is one of them! There is nothing better than a good laugh. 🙂 Thank you!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am honored.
wendykarasin
September 30, 2014
Fantastic (I guess). Not fully sure what it means (as you yourself point out) but the number itself is impressive. Mazel Tov!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Wendy!
wendykarasin
October 2, 2014
Anytime.
Elyse
September 30, 2014
I am a real follower, and like Darla, I would follow you for ice cream or coffee or anything that might get my calorie count down to 10,000.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
I am honored and grateful and will send out invites and maps to the nearest ice cream emporium.
seweverythingblog
September 30, 2014
Congrats! And I’m one of the 10K who enjoy your blog. Great writing WILL end up with that many.
After 18 months of “niche” blogging I have but 129 blog followers. Hopefully they all read my posts…..
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
I stopped keeping track of stats a long time ago, because none of it made any sense. Of 10,000 followers, I have a small number who I know read and enjoy my blog. And that’s really what motivates me to keep writing.
JackieP
September 30, 2014
I read all your posts, just don’t always comment. But I am real…..**checking***
yup, real.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Jackie. Wow, I should check if I’m real, but Im afraid of what I might find out.
Deena Greenberg
September 30, 2014
Your wacky thoughts are of use. They spoke to my wacky thoughts and shared a laugh. (My non-wacky thoughts looked on disapprovingly and told me to get back to work.)
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Oh, Deena, that’s such a good way to put it. I have that going on in my head, as well. But the wacky usually wins out.
Opinionated Man
September 30, 2014
lol, those were amusing. Congrats on 10,000! That is impressive!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, and even more thanks for reading.
Opinionated Man
October 2, 2014
No worries!
The Last Furlong
September 30, 2014
I’m real! And a fan.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thank you!
lifeofkaren09
September 30, 2014
Congrats! and that was funny!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
I live to make people laugh. And to eat nachos. But mostly to make people laugh.
katecrimmins
September 30, 2014
I read your stuff because you are as twisted as I am. Or maybe because we are close in age. It could also be because I have now and then husbands similar to yours. As far as stats, I have concluded there is absolutely no correlation between followers, commenters or views and I don’t know why. Would you mind terribly if I got strawberry ice cream instead of coffee? See you at Safeway!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
You may get strawberry, although I have never been a strawberry aficionado. BUT the liquid nitrogen ice cream place near me makes strawberry and it is heavenly. Oh my. We can go there.
Susan in TX
September 30, 2014
Count me among the 10,000 lucky-to-have-found-you souls. And what?! Puppies didn’t come from dinosaurs? Next you’ll be telling me that the Easter bunny . . . sigh.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
One can only imagine what those people do with the Easter Bunny. Frightening.
pegoleg
September 30, 2014
Congratulations! I’m right behind you on the walk to Safeway, but I’ll take Mocha Chocolate Chip, please.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
That sounds seriously good.
Anonymous
September 30, 2014
Count me in as a live one and Congratulations for achieving that enormous number! I’ll bet most of em are real.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Either that or outstanding simulations.
Eileen Adickes
September 30, 2014
Dang! You made me hungry for ice cream. Fortunately the laughing I did while reading your column used up enough calories that I could treat myself…..if only we had a grocery store in this town.
If I go to the bar/restaurant in town and grab ice cream the owner will know I’m off my diet. Yes, it’s a very small town.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Ooh, that’s tough. I’d have to be a closet ice cream eater.
btg5885
September 30, 2014
Renee, happy 10K!!!! Well, count me as one of those “wacky readers” who laughs, giggles and sheds a tear on occasion. You could add, when I ran road races, I was one of the slowest runners of 10,000 meters. I cannot speak for the other 9,999, but I will read your witticisms and offer a comment, if you don’t mind me dropping by. All the best, BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
BTG, I love all of your comments and deeply appreciate your frequent visits to my alternate universe.
btg5885
October 2, 2014
We both can make Rod Serling proud in that alternate universe.
mercyn620
September 30, 2014
I am one of your mostly silent 10K readers, and just want you to know I enjoy your posts even when not commenting. BTW, I go for the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream…
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks! Some day I’ll have to do a taste off between ice cream flavors and companies. Then I’ll have to schedule gastric bypass.
chlost
September 30, 2014
Perhaps it is a good thing not to have all 10,000 followers reading your blog. If they all read the blog, they would HAVE to comment, because your posts are always so good, and then you’d feel obliged to reply, and then you would have no time to write new blog posts. What a pity that would be.
Congrats on the milestone number. My 120+ followers equates to about 1/10 that in regular readers., and if that’s the case for you, it is still a very impressive achievement. We love your stuff! 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Wow, I’m farklempt. And I do feel that readers, no matter the number, mean that people are taking the time from their lives to read what we produce. That’s pretty amazing.
lizard100
September 30, 2014
I enjoyed this.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Lizard!
lindasblogs
September 30, 2014
Congratulations from one more (usually) silent follower!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Linda!
Yellow rose
September 30, 2014
Here Down Under I am enjoying your sense of humour – we should all take life a little less seriously I think!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, YR. I couldn’t survive without humor. It allows me to amuse people and to turn discomfort and negative thoughts into something more positive.
The Pop Culture Rainman™
September 30, 2014
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS. That is a huge feat! 2nd, I can’t get ARRESTED on here so feel FREE to send a couple of your loyal minions my way if they dig pop culture + the occasional cat breath joke. xo
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
I can advise you how to get arrested, but you are probably thinking along other lines. I’ll take a look at your blog. Great title, by the way. My original intention when I started blogging was to limit myself to pop culture. I was going to call my blog Notes From the Checkout Lane, since I learned everything about pop culture while standing in line and reading the magazine headlines.
The Pop Culture Rainman™
October 2, 2014
Thanks for responding! My brand of Pop Culture is pretty pervasive; I cover music, film, trends, beauty, fashion, memes, etc; my only restriction is that I don’t speak Kardashian.
anitascribbles
September 30, 2014
I’m always suspicious of those who like/follow within three seconds of the blog posting time, but be assured that at least a few of us followers are real readers. This one is too much fun to miss.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Thanks, Anita. You mean people aren’t just waiting in front of their computer screens for my blog posts to pop up and then speed reading? My bubble is burst.
Flamingo Dancer
October 1, 2014
Indeed, some of us real people!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
And for that I am grateful.
Lukraakvars
October 2, 2014
Wow!! Congrats on so many followers! I love your humour and also… haagen dass!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
Many thanks for your superb taste in humor and ice cream.
Lukraakvars
October 3, 2014
oh the thanx goes to you, for supplying the humour and the want for ice cream! *where to find that in South Africa*
dufmanno
October 2, 2014
oh yeah!? I HAVE THREE!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 2, 2014
million?
judithhb
October 3, 2014
My stats make no sense at all but I want you to know that I read your posts. So there!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 3, 2014
Many thanks, Judith. The stats must be figments of someone’s imagination. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow with a billion followers. Or with 10.
Marion Driessen
October 3, 2014
To be followed by 10.000 people… I immediately see you at the head of a huge group, leading in your unique and humorous way. Though I hope they won’t drop in for lunch at the same time! 😉
All I know is that I enjoy your voice. 🙂
Have a smiling weekend!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 3, 2014
Many thanks, Marion. I value each and every reader and am grateful I don’t have to feed anyone.
Roberta Holland
November 10, 2014
Reblogged this on Boomerfans' Blog.
benzeknees
December 16, 2014
I am sorry, I am one of your lapsed readers. I am still here (as you can see by my extremely late reply)! Unfortunately, life has interfered with blogging this fall & I ran out of time to read or post! Two deaths, emergency eye surgery for my hubby & coping with the extreme fatigue of COPD held me back. I still have your posts stored in my email to read because I love to read what you write every single time. So even though I am only 5’5″ tall, counting me you might actually get to the curb!