(man arrested for ordering from the senior menu at Red Lobster)
In spite of the overwhelming issues of global warming, stock market collapse, super-viruses, and elected representatives of our government acting like they have all contracted rabies, it’s time to step back and consider the following: It is estimated that in the next 19 years, 10,000 baby boomers will turn 65 each day, putting a strain on both America’s social security system and the production of Depends. Most of you will go about your day, oblivious to this national crisis. It’s time to look at the repercussions.
Health: Sheryl Kraft, a boomer blogger, hears complaints from many of her readers. She cites stiffness, problems with teeth, dry eyes and waning vision, fatigue, insomnia or frequent waking, memory problems, weight gain, hearing loss, urinary frequency and urinary stress. And, after she is finished dealing with these ailments, she can focus on the ailments of her readers.
Stress: “This is the club sandwich generation,” said Edward Jones, a journalist with the Homer (Alaska) Tribune. While Jones didn’t elaborate exactly which meats, cheeses, and condiments were used in the sandwich, he did have this to say: “Older boomers are caring for their kids, their parents and in many instances, their grandparents, too,” which adds up to a lot of stress, and means that a whole bunch of people over age 100 are living with their grandchildren. The most important question is, why don’t these people have places of their own?
And, since we are talking about club sandwiches, let’s go ahead and look at Food: Many members of the oldest group of boomers are beginning to discover that food takes on a whole new meaning over age 65, specifically noticing that they no longer have any money to purchase it because they have forgotten to bring their wallets when they left the house. They may also have also noticed that bedtime is now starting to occupy the same time slot of the day that dinner used to.
Imposters: Some older boomers have expressed concern that as more and more people age, and as senior perks become even more prevalent, boomer imposters will start to appear who haven’t, so to speak, paid their dues. Already there are signs that these imposters are attempting to get into movie theaters for the senior discount price, are demanding to order from the Denny’s Senior Soft Food menu even after the 4-5 PM designated dinner time, and have even been spotted at Victoria’s Secret for their monthly Senior Citizen Thong Blowout Event. Amtrak is considering dropping its priority seating for seniors, due to a recent incident in which 75 out of 77 people rushed forward to line up for the senior priority seating call, leaving only one elderly woman with a walker behind, as well as an elderly man trying to assist her.
The list goes on and on. Real boomers are encouraged to remain vigilant. “I worked my ass off for my arthritis,” one older boomer was heard to have said as she entered the spinning class at her gym’s weekly Senior Discount Day, “and I’ll be damned if I let any wannabe horn in on my perks.”